the grass is always greener

If you haven't read my last post, I could really use your wonderful ideas, resources and advice, so make sure you scroll down and read it even if you don't read this lengthy post! Thanks!

My optimistic nature causes me to see the glass half full, look for the light at the end of the tunnel and have hope that things will all work out even when I can't see a possible way that they will. I know it is not the most endearing trait to have when someone wants to vent to you, but for the most part I think of it as a positive characteristic. But lately I wonder if my optimism could use a little tweaking.

For a few years, I have been looking toward the end of school, a bigger paycheck, a bigger house, a nicer neighborhood and more time to spend with Seth and the kids and friends and family. But now that I have all of those things, I find myself longing for the familiarity and comfort of that simple life we lived and the strength we found while we worked hard to accomplish it. I don't mean to sound ungrateful or spoiled or discount the good in all of these things that we have been blessed with, because there is definitely a lot of good, but I am learning that though the grass might seem greener on the other side, you really just have to find the good in whatever situation you are in.

I love our new house and our wonderful neighborhood. It is spacious and comfortable and everyone has their space. I love my pantry and my pantry closet. I love that we don't have to pull our dining room table away from the wall just to eat dinner as a family. I love that I don't have to remove furniture from our house to make room for the baby swing or the jumperoo and that my clothes have room to breathe in the closet. I love that we live on a quiet cul-de-sac where people play catch with their dogs and kids ride their bikes. I love not having any toys in the kids' rooms and closing the playroom door to contain the mess when we just haven't gotten around to cleaning it up. BUT oh how I miss the days when I could deep clean my whole house in a few hours...I am not sure I will ever get this entire house deep cleaned at once. When I could get ready for the day while simultaneously making sure the kids were eating breakfast and getting clothes on because it was just a few steps away to check on it. I miss snuggling close on the couch to fit a few more people in our living room. I miss using one mop head cover for my whole house...now I have to use 2 covers for one room. I miss watching the kids play on the blue swing in my backyard and the big space of driveway behind the fence where the kids could ride their bikes whether I was able to be outside with them or not. I miss my highly functional kitchen cabinets and drawers where every space was used in the most functional possible way. I miss my simple flat walls and white trim. I miss my garden plot. I miss how my windows lit up every corner of the room during daylight hours because the rooms were small and the windows were large. Here, I have to turn on the lights in my kitchen and living room during the day because the windows aren't large enough to light such a big space. I miss having enough lawn to justify a gas powered mower. And there I was for the last few years wishing I had a different bigger house, yet I still find myself wishing for the good old days living in my little house on 800 east.

I kick myself for all the times I wished we were done with school and had more time to spend with each other. Sure the demands of a full schedule were taxing, but we made the very most of the time we had together. We knew that we couldn't take on huge projects and the stuff that had to be done got scheduled in a way that we could still spend that time together. Seth's new schedule is taking some getting used to and it seems like with the regularity comes a lack of flexibility. Gone are the days when we could head out and explore the world sans-saturday-crowds on Seth's day off. Gone are the days of having kids home with with me during the day.  Now I spend my days running kids back and forth between home and school. And then there is homework and housework and dinner and bedtime routines and by the time Seth tucks the kids in bed I wonder if I have spent a single moment with them just loving them and enjoying them or if I just shuffled them through the day to get done what needed to be done. So I snuggle my little Ellie close to make up for what I have missed with the older kids. I coo with her and giggle with her and then whisk her off to bed when she has had enough and melt into the couch exhausted from the day's responsibilities. We have continued our tradition of "Pizza Movie Night" on Fridays, but even that is a giant undertaking. The closest Little Caesar's is about 25 minutes away in traffic, so just getting the pizza is quite an ordeal. I think of friends "back home": babies being born and challenges being taken on and fun things happening and I wish I were there to support, to love, to help and to enjoy. I wish that I could use the time I have to serve and give back to so many who have done the same for me. I think of the fun things Seth and I could do for a night out, but then the thought of finding a sitter or dealing with traffic overwhelms me and we instead spend our evenings at home working on projects, watching tv or alternating running errands. And while we are doing fun things and spending time together and making new friends, I find myself looking back so fondly on "back when we were in school".


I know that at some point I will probably think to myself again, "If we can just get through this..." (I am pretty sure I have caught myself thinking, "If we can just get through our time in Portland we can move back to Salt Lake and everything will be good" at least five times this week) and I am certain that my kids will use the line "I wish I were already..." and I hope that I will remember this blog post and the things I am learning during this phase of our lives so that I won't have to look back with regret about missing the gorgeous wildflower fields all around me because I was too busy trying to make my way over to the green grass. 

Because you are all super smart...

I need some help and since I know so many of you who read my blog are full of wonderful ideas and resources, I thought I'd put my questions here.

1. If I want to make crafty things (clothes, pillow shams, etc) using jersey knit, where would I buy the knit and more importantly what kind would I buy? I am always seeing cute things made of cute patterned knit and never know where to find it.

2. Lehi Roller Mills flour...can I buy this when I don't live in Utah and where? I miss just picking up super cheap giant bags of it at Costco in Utah. (sigh)

3. I recently decided that I hate all of my clothes and need to rediscover my style. I am sure it would help if I fit back in all my "skinny" clothes, but since we still have a way to go, I think I should start reworking my wardrobe in the meantime. This question is twofold: where do you go to find adorable clothes on the cheap and are there any blogs or pinterest boards or other places you look for style inspiration?

4. Along the style lines...I have lots of cute scarves and love the idea of wearing them, but I cannot for the life of me get a scarf to look cute around my neck. Any tips you can share?

5. If you were looking for a cheap piano on Craigslist (because you want the kids to start lessons soon, but know you will eventually move back to Utah and aren't wanting to move a piano) what "traits" would you watch out for? Obviously we want a piano that holds a tune, but how exactly do you test that out when you are buying used?

6. The girls have been wanting a barbie house for a long long time and now that we finally have the space for it, we are hoping that Santa will bring one to them for Christmas. What are the dos and don'ts of barbie house buying? I am fairly certain that I don't want anything that has a toilet that makes flushing noises or that has funky brightly colored wall paper. Wanting to go more the clean and simple route, but there are so many options and I don't know what to look for.

7. I am considering changing up my makeup routine. I need something simple and low maintenance that doesn't melt off of my face within a few hours. I am not sure I will ever get used to humidity. What are your makeup favorites?

Thanks in advance for your help and advice!

happy things

After what feels like an eternity of craziness, we are finally feeling settled. We have a routine, we have stuff to do to keep us busy, we can choose to work on projects in our free time...or not, and most of all we finally have more time to do the things that make us happy. I have approximately 5 minutes before I have to round up the troops, load them in the car and head out to pick up Morgan from school, but before I do, I wanted to jot down a list of things that are making me happy in no particular order:

having the missionaries over for dinner...3 elders from Utah, what are the odds.
visits from the fam
deciding on paint colors
spending time with new friends
catching up with old friends (miss you!!)
church callings...so excited to be back in young womens
cute haircuts for my little girls
$1 Dr. Pepper from McDonalds...with no sales tax, so it is actually just $1...why does that make me so happy? lol
a working fireplace
sweater weather...now I really need to unpack my box of sweaters
no longer fitting in my "post baby" jeans
the hope of eventually fitting back into my "skinny" jeans (which are not skinny jeans...just jeans that fit me when I am skinny)
pinterest...all those pinboards are coming in very handy now that I have room for decorations!
working my paint sprayer overtime for the sake of furnishing my house on a dime
distressing newly painted furniture
YOGURTLAND (or as Brynn calls it: Ogerland)
Little feet in rainboots
Ellie's babbling
going to the pumpkin patch
A midweek day off for Seth
My washer and dryer...swoon!
the playroom, and thinking about my grown-up little brother having more fun in the playroom than my kids (love you Michael!)
unpacking pictures...why did I leave them boxed up for so long?
Dreaming about making the kids coordinating halloween costumes
The realization that I can play the "we just moved" card and go to the store and buy cheesy costumes that will make the little ones jump for joy just as much as a cute costume I make.


Ok...time is up. There is so much more, but I am off to get Morgan!

Hope you are having a happy day...make a list, it is therapeutic!