I didn't think it was possible...

but I am quite certain that the first trimester fog is finally lifting!

I was absolutely convinced that I wasn't going to make it through this pregnancy, but since Monday, I have been feeling a hundred gazillion times better! Here's how I know...

1. Food tastes good. I actually enjoy eating again!

2. The world looks brighter...and I don't mean that figuratively. I actually feel inclined to pull out my camera and take pictures because there is just this beautiful light all around me and I feel like I haven't seen it in months!

3. I can handle errands with 3 kids...for example Costco on Black Friday mid morning did not make me want to pull my hair out or sit in the middle of the store and cry. Clearly this must be a sign that I feel better because even my non-pregnant self considers this an accomplishment!

4. My house is beginning to get put back together. Floors are getting swept, toys are getting put away, groceries are actually making it all the way to their cupboards and not staying in grocery bags on the kitchen floor for weeks.

5. I do not need to take Zofran twice a day...or even once a day...in fact, I have had more non-zofran days than zofran days this week!

6. Daily naps...no longer neccesary, although still nice!

7. I have started nagging Seth about the honey do list...he is super happy that I am feeling better! ;)

8. My kids are thrilled that mommy who doesn't yell all.the.time has returned! (she still yells sometimes, but time outs and losing privileges and general discussion have made quite the comeback!) I didn't even realize that the yelling was more related to how I was feeling than how they were acting. Hindsight is 20/20.

9. I bring home actual food when I go to the grocery store...real ingredients so that I can make a meal, not just random essentials like milk and eggs and tortilla chips and lifesavers candy.

10. I started feeling better on Monday...Monday was my 12 week mark. It is pretty weird to me since I have never had such a stark change so early in a pregnancy, but oh, how I am thankful that the change came fast and soon!

On the flip side, I still cannot drink Dr. Pepper (which is kind of a bummer) and I was not prepared for the change in the waistline to come so soon. It is safe to say that I am not particularly happy about it, either! Goodbye darling pants that fit so easily. Goodbye getting ready in the morning and putting on whatever I wanted out of my closet or drawers and feeling completely happy with how I looked in it. Goodbye non-pudgo stomach free from love handles and rolls. Hello pregnant body. I haven't missed you and I can't wait for you to be gone away forever...after you so miraculously bring me another sweet little soul to love and snuggle and kiss and cuddle, of course!

In the end, it is all worth it, but in the meantime, it is a major bummer!

just a little proud!

First of all, I updated the recipe blog today with some fun new stuff so head on over and check it out if you need some inspiration for baking or Thanksgiving. And while you are there, feel free to post your favorite easy dinner because I am in serious need of some easy (and preferably crock pot) dinners that don't involve touching/looking at/gagging at the sight of raw meat. :)

Second, I just wanted to take a minute to post about my sweet husband. And yes, the following is going to involve me bragging about how awesome he is. I am so proud of him! He has been working like crazy on his capstone project concept that he is proposing tomorrow. His project is really great! It is something that really could make a difference and something that he is passionate about and he has been researching and writing and making calls and finding experts to make it happen. I am so excited for him to get it approved and really start the beginning of the end!

For those of you who don't know what Seth is doing (because I get asked this a lot...often by his family - lol), he is finishing up his 7th semester of the 8 semester Doctor of Nurse Practice (DNP) program. When he finishes the program, he will be a nurse practitioner and treat patients just like a family practice doctor. He is in the first class to go through the program since it was transitioned to a doctorate degree and there has been a lot of craziness associated with that, in addition to the craziness of the program itself. It is super intense, long hours, lots of information to soak up and then you add in a full time job and a family: he has done SO well (amazingly, because I am not sure where he finds the energy or time to study)! A few of his clinical locations have told him that if they have anything open when he finishes his program that he would have a job with them and he has been approached about some other really exciting opportunities as well (that I am not-so-secretly keeping my fingers crossed for). Then, there is the option of a job that offers loan repayment, but that would require that we move out of the city...and more likely out of the state. Regardless, it is so nice to know that his awesomeness is being recognized and that there is a lot of interest in him as graduation approaches!

So, we aren't sure where the end of school will take us. While I am seriously leaning toward staying here in Salt Lake, buying our "forever" house and just starting that new part of our lives (because doesn't it sound totally awesome to buy your dream house, plant your roots, and never move again? Umm, yes!), the opportunities if we decide to venture somewhere not here are pretty enticing. So we are a little torn right now about what options to persue and where we might be headed.

Anyway, as the weeks and months seem to slip away quickly for me and slowly for Seth, the light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter and brighter and the looming decisions grow closer and closer. We are now down to 5 months (and since part of that is winter break, it is really only 4 1/2 months)! I am so proud of Seth for all that he has done and is doing to get us here! Keep up the good work sweetie! We are all cheering for you!

A good day

Woke up this morning feeling yuck, but after munching crackers in bed while Seth took care of all the morning stuff for the kids, I got up and going feeling better than I have in a long time. I had so much energy and no nausia. I had my first appointment with my OB...got to see the little one in there dancing around on the ultrasound, cleaned the house, made granola (and the house smell amazing in the process), and switched out the holiday decorations. When the kids woke up from their naps Chloe said, "Ooooh, our house looks spooky, but not scary spooky." Apparently Thanksgiving decor is still some sort of spooky.

Hoping that this energy sticks around for about 7 more months...a girl can dream, right?

bed buddy

This morning a little blonde headed girl climbed into bed with me to snuggle and give me kisses...

and I just couldn't help but be happy happy happy.

It was a pretty normal morning - sounds of the man I love making breakfast in the kitchen,

(yep, that's normal lately - aren't you jealous - best husband ever) 

a little boy getting ready for school all on his own,

a little girl gabbing away in her almost-2-year-old language that only she really understands,

and the sound of my sweet middle baby girl saying, "I love you mommy."

"I love you too," I said, "will you just be my best buddy forever!"

"yeah, " she replied...and then she hurried off to the breakfast table

as she heard the sound of plates hitting the table.

But me, I just layed there, thinking about how much I love my sweet little family,

how grateful I am for the three sweet little spirits that Heavenly Father sent just to me,

and how happy we all are to meet #4 and learn all about another little personality and

another spirit and another piece of our family that we'll wonder how we ever lived without.

I hope that the 4 of them never get too old to still be best buddies with their mom

or snuggle into my bed to give me hugs and kisses.

I hope that Chloe always wants to tell me about every minute of her day.

I hope that Brynn will keep on needing kisses from Mom to overcome bumps on the head,

scrapes on the knee and all the other little things that hurt her feelings throughout the day.

I hope that Morgan still demands his 3 hugs and kiss before bed for a good long time to come. 

I am so glad to be their mommy, and since I know that these sweet moments probably won't

last forever (despite my wishes that they would), I am cherishing them right now,

and in 10 years when Chloe is 13 and awful (because all 13 year old girls are awful)

I will remind her that one morning, when she was 3, she climbed in my bed to snuggle and told me

that we could be best buddies forever. She'll surely roll her eyes and say "whatever"

(as only 13 year old girls can), but I'll keep loving her anyway, cause that's my job as her mommy.

root beer candy

In the line at Hobby Lobby today there was one lonely bag of old fashioned root beer hard candy hanging next to the nasty cinnamon and horehound stuff, and I nonchalantly mentioned to Chloe that she needed to leave everything alone, but if she wanted she could grab that one bag on the bottom and we could share it. Of course, she took me up on the offer...and of course, I have eaten most of the bag of candies.

They are like the perfect amount of "something" to take away that nasty I-need-to-eat-or-throw-up-right-now feeling. And when it comes back, I just pop another one in! Plus it is like a little carbonation dance in your mouth...how do they make those candies actually taste like you are drinking a sparkly carbonated beverage? However they do it...awesome!

in conclusion: I love hard root beer candy today, pregnancy is clearly making me a little loopy, and I am really really missing my Dr. Pepper in all its carbonated glory.

taking each day one zofran dose at a time

I definitely spoke too soon with my last post...

(and consider this fair warning that this post is sure to be filled

with my complaints about the awfulness of pregnancy!)

Last Friday I literally called my mom from my bed at 10:00 am to see if she would bring me an asiago bagel from einsteins because every time I tried to stand up, I literally fell back down. Thankfully she came to the rescue with multiple asiago bagels and did my dishes and straitened up my kitchen (not an easy task, but, as she told me later...she knew I needed the help because my face was literally green when she got here).

I have yet to actually throw up this pregnancy, but the nausia doesn't ever go away...ever. 24/7 nausia. It is horrible! I have been able to eat quite a variety of food, but I absolutely cannot survive a full day without an afternoon nap (and usually that nap is 2-3 hours...and still not long enough). I take zofran with apple juice every 4-8 hours...and drink a whole lot of apple juice since it is the only thing I can drink that doesn't make me gag. I go days without even turning on my computer...which is quite unusual for me...good think I have email on my phone, or I would be completely out of the loop!

Today I am 9 weeks. This little one is the size of a grape and the heart is dividing into 4 chambers. It has eyelids and all of the major organs in place. The kids are LOVING tracking the growth...they look forward to Mondays when I get the email update complete with picture of the growing baby. "Is your computer connected to the baby?" Morgan asked me today. LOL! It is such a beautiful miracle to watch how this little one is growing and developing each week...and kind of incredible that something the size of a grape can make my entire body feel so utterly horrible!

I need to update about all of the Halloween festivities too, but since I am never on the computer, suffice it to say, we had a lot of festivities - and a lot of fun. Our activities committee threw a fabulous trunk or treat/dinner/carnival, Grandma Colleen hosted her annual trip to the pumpkin patch and halloween bash, I was in charge of Morgan's Kindergarten Halloween party, and the kids got to have a sleepover with Grandpa Mark and Grandma Char the night before Halloween (which meant a morning of sleeping in without interruption for me and Seth, but a night of no sleep for anyone having a sleepover). And finally a night of trick or treating in the rain with the Barlows...we were literally soaked to the bone! Anyway...lots of fun!