a little better...

Woo Hoo! Feeling a little bit better this week than I was last. Still feeling yucky overall, but my naps are getting shorter and my food options are expanding a bit. I had a can of Dr. Pepper tonight and it didn't make me gag...so I consider that a major improvement...one can was as much as I could handle though.

Morgan is still being a good helper and we are having fun charting the progress of the baby. It is now the size of a pinto bean and the kids are pumped that it can bend its elbows and knees this week. Plus fingers and toes are starting to appear! Morgan can't wait to hear the heartbeat and see the ultrasound...it will be a long 10 weeks!

Seth's application for graduation is due MONDAY! I can't believe how real the end is seeming and how close it is! I have my fingers crossed that we survive the next 6 months...we'll be selling our house, finding a new place to live, finding a new job, getting ready for baby #4 and of course graduating (and all the work that comes with that!). But, we are looking forward with excitement and anticipation!

So, yeah, things are a little better this week and we arehoping it will keep getting better from here!

I need a nap...

This weekend has been uber crazy...we got through the ward trunk or treat last night, primary program practice and party this morning and a halloween party with the cousins this afternoon. The kids' costumes are well worn and in need of serious cleaning before next Thursday, my body is exhausted, my car looks like a messy spook alley, and my house...well, we won't even go there. Anyway, we are having fun, keeping very busy, and in serious need of frequent naps!

knowing...

Written Friday, October 1


On Monday I felt like death. My body was heavy. I couldn't lift my arms or stand up for longer than 15 minutes at a time. Awful.



Still feeling like I'd been hit by a train, and per Seth's suggestion, I took a pregnancy test Tuesday morning. Negative. Ruling that out, I figured Tuesday would get better, but it didn't...we had playgroup, so I rallied the kids into the car, loaded the bikes and couldn't get my chair out fast enough to sit down and watch them ride around the church parking lot with their buddies (in the scorching heat of...late-September, really?). We survived, came home to crock pot dinner and I couldn't get the kids into bed fast enough because I was exhausted.



Thinking I had slept it off, Wednesday met me with hope. Seth was home until lunch time and took both kids to school (and picked them up). I got lots of work done, but still felt icky...and like I really wanted Little Ceasars Pizza...but Seth made lunch instead. Then Seth headed off to school and I literally could not keep my eyes open and fell asleep in the middle of editing a session (which is completely unheard of, by the way, because I get usually get so excited about the images I can't tear myself away from the screen). So I slept...a good solid hour or so...and when I woke up, I knew. Luckily those pregnancy tests come in a double pack. So I took another test...again, it looked negative...what in the world...and then Seth came in the door from school, and a faint line started to appear...and then that line got darker and darker and by the time he had said hello to the kids and came to say hi to me, it was official... baby #4 was on the way (and I was feeling much better about the fact that I had felt like a total bum all week)! So we celebrated with Little Caesar's Pizza and breadsticks and movie night in the middle of the week.

So yesterday marked 7 weeks and I feel plain old awful. Apparently I really did forget how horrible pregnancy is (I didn't think that was possible...I am certain I didn't forget the other times). Morgan has been a complete champ (and the only way I have been surviving). Yesterday he made lunch (toast and string cheese), fed the girls, helped everyone get into their beds and covered my very sick and exhausted lump of a body with a blanket after I collapsed on the couch. When I was able to function again, I gave him a hug to tell him thank you and how wonderful he is and realized that he was burning with a fever - 102 degrees. Seriously, the kid is amazing (and I feel like a completely delinquent mother)! After that, I made sure he got a little pampering of his own and some motrin! My sweet mom called and offered to bring dinner over...which saved us considering dinner was looking like cereal or more toast and string cheese. The kids were in bed by 6:30 pm and I was asleep by 7:00. Today has been better...mostly because I discovered that when I read the dosage instructions for my zofran perscription, I was actually looking at my folic acid perscription - turns out I can take zofran every 4-6 hours...not once a day as I thought. :)

Kind of early to be announcing this, Jen...
Right, right, I know you are supposed to wait until you are out of the "scary stage", but I have been through the miscarriage thing before, and frankly, for me, it is much harder to go through it alone. So, I have decided that I'd rather have a community of support than a private battle if anything goes wrong, but by the way I am feeling, things are looking good. Also, it is quite possible that this baby is our last, and I want to remember all these little things. Plus, pregnancy brain is already well on its way to taking over my brain, so details get very fuzzy the longer I wait to write them down.


So little baby Tate #4...your mommy and daddy and big brother and big sisters and puppy are awating your arrival! We are tracking your growth every week and looking at pictures of what you are becoming! ( as of today you are the size of a blueberry...Morgan loved finding that out). We are thinking of names - like catsup nose (thank you for that suggestion Morgan) - and hoping like crazy that you are a boy! Mostly because Morgan says if you are a girl, we will have to give Chloe away because he can only handle 2 sisters...and I think he may be right! ;) Plus, Chloe says that we got a girl baby for her (Brynn) and now we need a boy baby for Morgan! But even if you are another girl - we will still love you like crazy...and we won't really get rid of Chloe!!!! Chloe started working very hard to be able to do her own buckle as soon as we found out, so the big kids can move to the back row of the car to make room for you, and she has totally mastered it! Keep on growing, little one, and we will see you at the end of May! love love love you!

P.S. Dear friends and family - I tend to become a cranky, opinionated, know-it-all, stinker when I am pregnant. I am seriously SERIOUSLY trying to keep this in check so that I am not the world's meanest pregnant lady this time around, but please, when I say something stupid or self-centered or opinionated, do not be offended...it is just the pregnancy horromones...pregnant Jen and real Jen aren't even friends. Thanks!

7 years

Yesterday was our 7 year anniversary! (and our day was so crazy I didn't even have a chance to post) 7 Years ago was one of the happiest days of my life...the perfect day, the perfect party, the perfect man by my side...and it has been a perfect 7 years since! We pulled out the wedding album and looked through it with the kids...my how much has changed, but one thing has not: how much I adore my sweet husband!

We went out on our anniversary date on Tuesday since that is all that the schedule of clinicals and work would allow, but it was wonderful in every way! Wonderful dinner, wonderful pastries, wonderful movie, wonderful company, and wonderful to come home to kids snugly sleeping in their beds!

So, to the sweet man I love, thanks for a beautiful life. Thanks for keeping all of your promises and excdeeding my expectations in every way! Thanks for putting up with my crazy, my ambitions, and my insecurities! Thanks for making me feel like a princess! Thanks for being a stunning example to our 3 little ones and for loving them like crazy! Thanks for pretending to care about things like what graphics I should use for my logo, which color scheme to wear for family pictures, and whether Brynn's pettiskirt looks floofy enough. Thanks for working hard to provide and taking care of all the stuff I would never even think to do! Thanks for still giving me butterflies after 7 years of marriage! Most of all thanks for being you! Happy anniversary...and many many more to come! Love love love you!

In regards to my post about responsibility...

I just thought I would share a few articles that have been ENLIGHTENING to me. I think there is quite a bit of misinformation regarding what my church believes...so much that I did not fully understand until reading these articles. If you are interested to know the official position of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in regards to homosexuality, discrimination, or equal rights, these articles are both great reads!

http://beta-newsroom.lds.org/official-statement/same-gender-attraction

http://beta-newsroom.lds.org/article/church-mormon-responds-to-human-rights-campaign-petition-same-sex-attraction

Confession: this issue is still weighing heavily on my mind! I'd like to tell you I will stop posting about it and get back to random things my kids say and cute pictures, but I can't guarantee it. Seth would also like me to stop giving him dissertations on what I am learning about this issue...but he's 'gonna keep putting up with me anyway! Hope you all will too!

I'm giving away a free session...

And thought I'd let you all know! I have made some fun updates to the smileabunch photography facebook fan page and since it was so much work, I want to share it with the whole world! lol!

So, if you want to get the free session, all you have to do is:

1. Go over and "like" my page if you haven't already (click the link above)
2. Tell your friends to go and "like" my page and leave a comment on the wall telling me you sent them
3. When we hit 200 fans, whoever has referred the most friends will get a free session!

Some other stuff to know:
If all of my fans play, you will only have to refer 2 or 3 fans to win.
The free session can be given as a gift and must be used within 6 months.
When I tally it up, both you and the people you referred must still be facebook fans.

That's it! Just wanted you all to know!

where there is great responsibility

Last week was the most beautiful weekend of fall. Not because of the changing leaves or the cool breezy weather or the smell of fall (though all of that was wonderful too), but because it was general conference for my church. I write about it every 6 months because it is always so inspiring to me, but if you are not familiar with general conference, it is 2 days (4 sessions + 1 for men only) of talks by leaders of our church giving us guidance, hope and tools to strengthen us in our resolve to live our religion more fully. The talks, as they always are, were inspiring and uplifting and beautiful.

Over the past week, 2 things have weighed hevily on my mind. First, because of teachings shared in one talk from general conference, my religion has been attacked publicly, very personally, and even by those of my own faith. I have tossed and turned at night, read countless articles and information and stewed about the attacks. While I do not want to get into the details of the debate here on my blog and feed any more controversy, I feel a deep responsibility to proclaim my feelings. I am proud to be an American! I am grateful for freedom of speach and freedom of religion. To those who feel differently from me, I am so grateful that I live in a country where that is respected/tolerated/appreciated! Sadly, I feel that this very controversy is threatening MY right as an American to listen to a conference for my own religion and be taught principles that are key to that religion. I have a right to learn my own faith, I have a right to teach my own faith to my children, and I have a right to live my religion (which happens to teach love and tolerance and respect for people who do not agree with it). I live this religion to the best of my abilities: I am not perfect, but I teach my children what is right. I teach them to have faith in God. I teach them that the scriptures hold eternal truths and that they should read and study them. I teach them that every person on this earth is a child of God and that he loves them. I teach them to respect differences and to love people - whether or not they believe as we do. I wish that people could respect my right to do so without applying a degrading label (which is completely unfounded, should you care to actually study our beliefs) to me or my church leaders. Disagreement and respect can and should cooexist and I will defend that! I will defend my right to learn and practice religion as I so choose. I will defend the right of every human being to be treated with love and respect - and not just those of the minority, but those of the "majority" as well. That is all I have to say about this, for now. I, of course, have strong opinions regarding the issue on debate, so if you want to hear them, feel free to send me an email, and I will be happy to share! ;)

Second, I feel an overwhelming responsibility to teach my children what is right! This world we live in has so much good, and I am quick to look for the good and ignore the bad, but I feel such a need to teach my children how to seek out the good and stay far from the bad! Their minds are little sponges that soak up everything around them...and while that has been wonderful as they have spent their days in the safety of my home, it scares me to death as they venture out into the world of school and making friends and making choices. I worry for them, I pray for them and I hope that what I have taught them stays with them. I want to swoop in and protect them from influences that can change the course of their whole lives, I want to swoop in and guide them to be kind to everyone. I want to swoop in and remind them to show respect and appreciation to their teachers. But I know that they must make these decisions on their own. It is a great responsibility to teach children to avoid evil in our society (particularly when society readily accepts so much of what I think is evil), but I will do it, because I know that where there is great responsibility, there are great rewards!