Heavenly Father has a sense of humor

At my 12 week appointment we got quite the surprise...baby #5 has a buddy in there! Yep, this last baby of ours is actually 2 last babies. TWINS! We truly cannot believe it! I have been writing this email since we found out 9 days ago, but it has taken me a while to get all my thoughts in order, so apologies for the "old news" for most of you, but this is the whole scoop for those who want to know.

Finding Out
Seth didn't come with me to the ultrasound even though he was off work for the day..."It is just a 12 week scan...you can't really see much, no big deal," he said. I agreed...this is our 5th pregnancy after all. So I went on my own. I almost decided to bag it and just tell them I didn't care about a 12 week ultrasound when they told me how much it was going to be (I was thinking it was just part of the pregnancy bill I would get later), but I was already there, so I paid and sat down. As we started the ultrasound, I was chatting with my brand new OBGYN telling her about how this would be our last baby and we would be done and telling her how much I like being induced a week early and how I really hope we can make that happen again. I am pretty sure we were mid-conversation when she looked at me and said, "are you seeing what I am seeing?" I glanced at the ultrasound screen and acknowledged, "oh, there's the baby." (5th time I've done this, remember!) "There are 2 babies," she clarified and pointed them out. No.words. I looked at the screen totally stunned and not entirely believing. She rattled off a whole bunch of information about how this changed my due date and we would need a full baseline scan and that I would be visiting a specialist and getting regular ultra sounds from 18 weeks on. She talked about risks and delivery and while she was talking, I was in utter disbelief. This could not be right. We have NO twins in our family...on either side. Seth has one set of cousins that are twins, but that came from the in-law side. There have been loads of babies on both sides and NO twins. My doctor asked me if I was ok...I think I looked a little dazed. I assured her I was fine...just in shock. A little later she asked again, "are you ok?" and again...and again. I was really not adjusting to the news well, obviously. She sent me home with pictures, an appointment for 2 weeks later, and orders for another ultrasound and meeting with the specialist asap.

I got in my car...shaking...and called Seth. He was just as shocked. When I hung up the phone I said a little prayer. I think it went something like this, "Dear Heavenly Father. Are you crazy? How in the world am I going to handle 4 kids and twin babies. Do you realize that our families live 14 hours away? We only know a handful of people here in Tucson! I know, I know, you know best...I just want you to know that I am going to need a lot of help. I am sure you have a plan. I don't have any idea what it is, but I know if you are sending me twins, you are also going to help me handle it. Right?" And then I got home.

My mom and John were getting ready to head back to Salt Lake that afternoon, but were still at our house, so once I got inside, it was a whirlwind of discussion about whether or not this was really happening and looking again and again and again at an ultrasound image - my ultrasound image - clearly showing 2 little babies. We had planned to pick all the kids up early from school to go out to lunch with Grandma and Grandpa, so we were able to tell all of them at once about the big news. They were all surprised and excited and Chloe just burst into a giddy little giggle fit. It was so funny. Morgan immediately expressed his hope that they would both be boys, of course, and all the other kids agreed. Brynn didn't seem to care one way or another and of course Ellie was just Ellie. She doesn't have any idea what is about to happen to her little toddler world. I decided that facebook was probably the best means of announcement so I didn't have to individually call a bunch of people while I was still in complete shock (and still feeling not great), so once I posted it, it was a flutter of comments and calls (some of which I have still not returned yet...haven't forgotten about you!). There were a lot of question marks and exclamation points on my wall, but we just felt overwhelmed with the faith that all of you expressed in our ability to handle this and the love and support from so many friends and family.

Overwhelming Thoughts
To be honest, having another baby was not an intimidating thing for me. Been there, done that x4, so I was expecting this pregnancy to be just as horrible as the last 4, and the result to be a darling little bundle to love and, most excitingly, never having to do it again. Sleep training, nursing, adjusting to a new schedule - no biggie. After all, when you have 4 kids, what is one more? I had planned it all out: where the car seats would go in the car, how I could get into an exercise routine to get my body back...for real this time, how I would suddenly have all this energy to be the mom I want to be to my kids since I was done with the whole having babies thing, and especially how excited I was to use all the baby gear one last time and then get rid of every last bit of it before our next move!

Enter the twin factor and all of a sudden I feel like a complete parenting novice. Ignoring the fact that there will be 2 babies at the end of the whole thing for a minute, I find myself wondering if I will actually be able to survive the pregnancy part of this. Up to this point, I have been blessed with healthy uncomplicated pregnancies. I go to the doctor on the normal regular schedule. I have only had one pregnancy where they did any additional testing because there were any irregularities and she (Brynn) got to come a tiny bit earlier than normal, but still turned out just fine despite the small scare. I have always had nausea and complicated appetites and have taken zofran for most of my pregnancies, but still been able to be a functional, checked-in mom, wife and homemaker...and even employee with half of my pregnancies.

This pregnancy is a whole new ballgame. I spend my days on the couch, moderating the chaos happening around me as I rest and try to distract myself from the nausea by browsing facebook, instagram, pinterest, news articles, and most recently everything I can find on twin pregnancy: pretty much anything I can read or look at as long as I can access it without too much effort on my iPhone. My interaction with the kids involves a lot of snuggling, book reading, and admiring their artwork...as long as it can be done while sitting on the couch. I have made approximately 5 dinners in the last 6-8 weeks. Seth has been doing the laundry, cooking the meals, helping with grocery shopping, putting kids to bed, mopping floors, scrubbing bathrooms, picking up toys and working his normal job. If I can't do it from the couch, it probably isn't going to get done by me. We have put the kids to work with more chores than they have ever had in their lives, and they have been fantastic about "taking care of mom". Finding out that there was a legitimate reason why I have been so useless did make me feel a little less pathetic, though. I have started to feel a little better since hitting 12 weeks, but unless I get feeling a lot better soon, I worry that I am not going to be able to get everything done before these babies get here.

Then there is the stress of the rest of the pregnancy. The high risks, the bi-weekly ultra sounds, the non-stress tests, the getting enormous, the staying hydrated, the getting enough nutrients, the possibility of bedrest with 4 older kids to take care of, the fact that I will probably go into labor on my own (that has never happened before and it kind of terrifies me), and the delivery which has an extremely high likelihood of being a c-section. There is just so much that is foreign to me and foreign=scary.

Of course after the initial shock of "how am I going to get through this pregnancy" you get to the shock of "how I am I going to manage 4 kids and 2 infants". It is a constant whirlwind of worries and questions:
- Where will we put them all in the car? Am I going to have to get a club van...or a bus?
- How will I go grocery shopping?
- How will I keep track of a not-quite-2-year-old and 2 newborns...is there a stroller for that?
- Where are all these kids going to sleep?
- Adjust the financial plan to accommodate 2 more college funds and 2 more wedding funds. Yikes!
- How will we ever go on a date again?
- I am going to turn into a milk cow...will I do anything but feed babies and change diapers?
- We need a LOT of diapers and wipes.
- If I thought I got a lot of comments about having my hands full before...
- We will never be able to take our family out to a restaurant again!

And that is just the start...there are a lot of questions going through my mind and a lot of things I want to just figure out, so I can check them off the list of worries and move to the next one.

After Meeting With The Specialist
While I do have a very boring pregnancy history (which in the pregnancy world = GOOD) and a very good chance of a healthy, uncomplicated twin pregnancy and vaginal delivery, twin pregnancies are high risk. In our ultrasound the specialist could only find one placenta and a very thin wall between the two amniotic sacs (also suggesting that there is only one placenta to be found). This signifies that these twins will be identical. While this is exciting and fun to know, identical twins are an even higher risk pregnancy as they share a placenta and have a risk of twin to twin transfusion where one twin transfuses blood and nutrients from the other instead of from me. While this is rare, there is a surgery that can be done to fix the problem if they catch it early enough, so they will be monitoring me with ultrasounds every 2 weeks starting now and going through the remainder of my pregnancy.

So from now (week 13) until the arrival of our twins, I will go in to the specialist for an ultrasound every other week (25 minutes from my house, mind you) and on the opposite every other week, I will go in to my regular OBGYN for checkups. Toward the end of the pregnancy, those visits will increase for non-stress tests and weekly OBGYN appointments. The thought of having to work our family schedule around all of these appointments is intimidating and overwhelming, but I am so grateful for the blessing of modern medicine that makes it possible to keep these little ones safe and healthy before they are even born. Since everybody asks this question: we do not know the gender of the babies yet, but have our anatomy ultrasound scheduled for January 8 to find out. :) I'll keep you all posted!

Newness and News

We are all settled in Arizona! I had the house completely unpacked within a week of moving with the exception of some furniture that needs some extra love and repair after the move and we have just been enjoying settling into our new life here ever since. I miss our Oregon friends like crazy, but I must admit the daily dose of sunshine here in Arizona makes me realize just how much Oregon's weather and I did not mesh. I LOVE THE SUNSHINE!!! I see pictures of the lovely Oregon landscapes under an overcast sky and I feel like I need a dose of sunshine just to recover from seeing the photos. I still give Oregon props for the most amazing summers ever, the heavenly Lake Grove Swim Park and some of the most wonderful people we have ever met, but we are grateful for this move to Arizona and for the change that has come over our my mental health!

We are finding that Arizona is a wonderful fit for us! We have loved the weather. We swim when it is really hot, play at the park every day, go for walks, watch the gorgeous sunsets from our yard each night, and wear flip flops to the bus stop each November morning...truly we love it here! We had a chilly weekend this past few days, but one week ago, the kids and Seth were out swimming in the pool...in November! We are not loving how spread out Tucson is...you have to drive 30 minutes to an hour to get anywhere in the city because we live so far north. The freeway access is subpar, but fortunately we can get along pretty well just hanging out in our little suburb and at least gas is pretty cheap here. We are ecstatic about the news of an LDS temple to be built in Tucson and hope that the process is speedy so we can enjoy it!!! Another lovely perk of where we live is one level living...after the dozens of stairs at our house in Oregon, it is sooooo nice to live on one level! Seth's job is going well. It was a little interesting right at first adjusting in and we were surprised to find out that he would be the only provider in the clinic for a few months while there were some other staffing changes taking place, but it has turned out to be just fine and his patients already love him (big shocker there - ha ha). The disadvantage is that we won't be able to travel home for Christmas since they would have to close the clinic without him. Sad.

Our ward is gigantic and we have met many wonderful people and made some good friends already. I am sad to say that we have not jumped in and made ourselves at home in our community to the extent that we normally would, but that is because I have been a little "under the weather" while I have been growing TATE BABY #5. Yep, one more baby for this not-so-little family of ours. This is definitively the last baby for us, which makes it a little easier to endure what is turning out to be a very rough pregnancy for me. I am surviving between doses of Zofran with a lot of naps and a lot of help from Seth and the kids. Really, they have taken over all the cleaning, cooking and laundry. I don't know how I survived pregnancy when Seth was in school and working full time, but I am grateful every day that we are in a different place this time around! I am 10 weeks along and yesterday I got to see a little heartbeat on the ultrasound for the first time. It is so amazing to see the miracle of new life growing inside of you! I am extremely hopeful that I will be feeling better in 2 weeks, so hopefully you will hear more from me then. :) 

homeless

Sunday morning we drove away from a very empty house on Harvard Ct. in Lake Oswego. Every little "last time" brought me to tears. Last time pulling out of our little cul de sac, last time driving through trees that cover the streets like a tunnel, last time driving over freeway bridges, last time driving along the Columbia river in the morning light. And once all the "last times" were past, the tears came back as I thought of each family that touched our life for good...and since that was quite a few, there were a lot of tears. Usually our drive from Portland to Salt Lake is pretty quick and mostly painless, but this trip was long and rough. We were sleep deprived from the night before and caravaning in our overflowing cars (complete with little tikes cozy coupes strapped to the back), so between that and our late start, we didn't arrive in Salt Lake until about 2 am. We are still recovering.

This week I am feeling a little lost. I have been busy making all the last minute arrangements for our "home" in Arizona. And while we are right "at home" here in Salt Lake, I find myself missing all the wonderful things we left back "home" in Oregon. I have referred to all three places using the term "home" this week, and I am sure it is a little confusing to identify which home I am talking about. Yes, this week we are homeless.

I think the trouble with moving around is that you leave a little piece of your heart everywhere you go, and a piece of mine is definitely still in Oregon. In fact, I think there are little pieces all over Oregon, but I am certain that a piece of it will forever be right there in the sand under this swingset on the beach...

Checking In

Part 2 of our Portland Home Tour is coming...probably when we don't live here anymore, but it is coming!

In the meantime I just wanted to check in and say "HI!" to blogland. When I said our theme for the year was going to be EXPLORE, I really had no idea how much I really meant it! We have had an entire summer of exploration. We have picked every kind of fruit that grows in Oregon, we have walked and hiked and found new parks, we have played in lakes and rivers and oceans, we have felt the sand between our toes on beaches and riverfronts, we have bought fresh caught salmon from the side of the road and cooked it whole (oh my yum!), we have spent hours and hours and hours in our cul de sac playing with the neighbor kids, sitting on our bench, and pushing Ellie in the swing hanging from our tree. We have played with friends at parks, had friends over for dinner, joined friends for dinner, missed naps and kept our kids up way too late, just to get in a little more friend time. I have been taking pictures of our family and other families nonstop, so the lack of visual stimulation here is only a result of too many sessions in the editing queue. A full year after our first adventure to downtown Portland, we finally got up the courage to venture down there with the kids again and checked out the world's largest independently owned bookstore...the kids were in heaven with books as far as the eye could see! We walked along the downtown riverfront and were reminded why we are totally ok with the fact that we only took the kids downtown twice the whole time we lived here (legalized and openly smoked marijuana, people who are homeless by choice, and the fresh smell of pee everywhere...really not our thang). And on the topic of pee, I have helped my children pee in the grass more times than I care to admit while playing on playgrounds with no bathrooms...seriously Portland...you need more bathrooms!!!

Yes, it has been a summer of exploration and I am happy to say that we have made the very most of every single day we have had here. Sadly, our time here is drawing to a close, and I am not sure I am ready to let it end. I have truly learned to love this place...even if it is only in the Summer and Fall. We have been so blessed with dear friends who we don't want to leave, fun adventures we would love to experience again, and fruits and veggies we just can't get enough of.

Our year in Portland will likely go down in our family's history as the hardest year of our life. It will be remembered as the year that nothing went the way we had planned and everything sort of just unraveled at the seams. But it will also be remembered as the year we learned about seizing the moment, heading out on adventure, trusting in Heavenly Father even when his plan seems pretty crappy, the power of sunshine, the joy of service and the sweetness of true and meaningful friendships. As I pack each box, I feel another tinge of sadness at the thought of leaving...and it makes me happy because it means that we have given this place a little bit of ourselves and it, in turn, has filled a space in our hearts.

home sweet home

We have now lived in our house for almost a year and I have yet to take my blogland friends on a tour of our pad! I offered to take pics of our house for our landlord to post to advertise the house, so it is the perfect opportunity to share them with you as well. Of course, parts of the house currently have towers of boxes stacked against the walls, so I will have to share them in a few days, but here is a little start.

So yeah...WELCOME!

Our street is absolutely fabulous! We are now completely spoiled and never want to live anywhere but a cul de sac for the rest of our lives! Our house is the one with the white bench under the tree and my black car in the driveway right there on the far right of the photo.

It also doesn't hurt that we have this fabulous green space at the end of the cul de sac where the kids spend a good deal of time finding bugs, making forts and plotting out elaborate games of pretend. Callie (and all the other dogs) love to play catch out here, and it is the perfect place to run around and get some energy out. There is a 2nd basketball hoop across the circle, and the hoops have gotten some good full court use!

And this is it...our home sweet home. It is a very tall house and has been known to be pretty intimidating to the 3, 5 and 7 year olds coming for playdates, but some of the kiddos think it looks like a castle, so that has to count for something, right! I'm not gonna lie, the stairs are absolutely killer on grocery day (and every other day really), but we have some beautiful views from our windows.

The entryway and "study" are the rooms filled with boxes and unphotographed, so we are going to jump right upstairs to the bedrooms and come back to those in part 2. :)

Morgan's room A.K.A. the room we kick him out of whenever we have guests. His room is the smallest of them all, but has the best view and the most light. His friends like to write messages in chalk on the street so he can read them from his bed when his rude mom makes him go to bed earlier than everyone else. Oh the woes of being the oldest and having a strict bedtime. ;) I should mention here that none of our kids have any toys in their rooms. They barely go to sleep with no light, a door locked from the outside and no toys, so you can probably understand why their rooms look so bare.

Chloe and Brynn's room. There is an extra mattress in here for Morgan when he gets kicked out of his room. Really he LOVES getting kicked out of his room, probably in part because it is like a big slumber party when he sleeps in the girls' room and because he loves it when people come to visit. (hint hint! His bed will also be available for visitors in Arizona and we fully expect you to take advantage of it!) The gray dresser is part of a set that our neighbors were just getting rid of (solid wood in perfect condition) and asked us if we wanted it. Of course, we wanted it and I painted it and added new hardware and now am in love with it. I'd also like to point your attention to the lovely wall color in here (ha!) This was the color of every single wall in the entire house and all of the ceilings before we started covering it up one room at a time - the kids' bedrooms obviously weren't the top priority for new paint.



Ellie's room + the other guest bedroom. This is the only bedroom in the house with pictures on the walls. From this room you can see the Portland temple out the window. Plus you get that adorable little chubba bubba in the crib as your roomie! We easily fit another queen sized bed in there with room to spare.

The master suite is ridiculously large...I guess maybe I just don't spend enough time in my room to appreciate it! The pictures don't really do justice to how much space is in there.

This is something I do appreciate though! We scoured craigslist after we moved to find a good king sized bedroom set (not the mattress, just a frame I could refinish) and we found this Cal King frame and nightstands for $150!! It took forever to paint them, and I am on the hunt for some columns to add some height to the 4 posts, but well worth it! We got our mattress from Amazon.com and the UPS guy was really confused when he dropped it off because it was rolled up in a 20x20x84 inch box that weighed 110 lbs. I agreed to help him get it up to my front door if he would help me get it up the stairs inside the house.

And then there is the master bathroom...love the bath, love the counter space, love the storage, hate cleaning the stinkin' thing! It takes forever and actually has enough floor to require a mop. Weird! I joke about it, but really, it is bigger than our kitchen was at our house in SLC. 

The closet is equally large and is about the size of the girls' room was in our house in SLC. It reminds me on a daily basis that I don't have enough clothes to have a closet that big. So, to fill the void, I stash my photography props, fabric stash and seasonal wear for the fam (swimsuits/winter gear) in there. We have also created a little Callie corner in there with a pile of pillows and soft blankies for her to snuggle into. The Callie corner serves a double purpose because Brynn goes to sleep in there whenever she and Chloe won't settle down at night (which ends up being most nights). I know, we are the meanest parents ever. ;)

The closet is also home to the weights. Clearly, those are mine and I lift them regularly. ha ha. (ok...really, I have to move them out of the middle of the floor one at a time and only a foot or two at a time when Seth leaves them in the middle of the floor.)

Well, that is a pretty good start, right! As you can see, I stink at decorating and our bedrooms pretty much consist of beds and dressers only. I promise I did put some effort into decorating my house, but that effort ran out by the time I got upstairs and then the possibility of moving came up and I decided to put it all on hold anyway. I guess it is good that we started with the least exciting part of the house because it can only get better from there. :) Next time I will take you into the kids' bathroom (if I can ever keep it clean long enough to snap a picture) and then downstairs to the playroom, the kitchen and great room, the office/study, the entryway and the most popular place in our house: the stairs!

Excited?

Lessons from Bambi aka I don't hate Oregon

It is a classic line of the movie Bambi:

"If you can't say something nice, don't say nuttin' at all."

Since Thumper is pretty convincing, I have tried to live that principal since I watched the movie as a kiddo. I think I have done a pretty good job of it for most of my life. I think I did a decent job of it here on the blog...which is probably one of the reasons why I haven't posted much in the last year (well, that and the fact that I have 4 kids, a husband who I actually spend time with daily, family and friends to stay in touch with and new people to meet and sights to see). Sure I post about the hard stuff on here, but I try to keep things positive and nice, because I think that there is good in everything, if you look for it hard enough.

But, apparently I have failed to follow Thumper's rule when it comes to talking about Oregon because people keep saying to me, "You must really not like it there," or "Sounds like it is a really good thing you are moving!". I haven't meant to portray that, so, I want to apologize and explain. I do not think Oregon is awful. I do not hate living there. I actually think that under a different set of circumstances, I may have loved it there. I think it is quirky (Portlandians post billboards and bumper stickers with the slogan "keep Portland weird" all over the place) and as such has a lot of things that are fun to laugh about and tell people about because they are fun conversation topics. I also tend to complain about how stinkin' expensive it is to live in Portland because it is a constant source of frustration for us as we try to make headway on paying off our student debt. It is no secret that the weather has definitely been hard for us to handle, but that is something everybody in Oregon complains about because by the time you get to April, May, June and you still haven't seen the sun, you really start to get "winteritis". All of these things would be manageable if it weren't for the fact that all of things we moved to Oregon to accomplish were not being accomplished. Not because Oregon is awful, but because it wasn't what we expected it would be.

We had anticipated that it would be more expensive (and thus pay more), but not as much more expensive as it is. We had anticipated that we would be able to spend a lot of time together as a family exploring the city, but 4 kids in downtown Portland is just plain scary. We had anticipated that we would drive less and walk/bike more, but where we live is very very hilly and not close to things like stores, work, restaurants. We do walk to the park frequently in the summer, but it is too wet to play at the park in the winter/spring/most-of-fall. We thought we would get out and do stuff in the rain because that had never stopped us before, but it is too cold/wet/slippery/dark to actually get out and do that with the kids. Obviously the big clincher was that the student loan repayment didn't pan out which was the main reason we had chosen that job. Overall, I think it was just the "surprise" after "surprise" after "surprise" that caused us so much frustration over the past year.

But, we have been happy and excited and have enjoyed so much of Oregon too!  I don't talk about this stuff with people as often because it is not as exciting and entertaining, but definitely an integral part of my thoughts on Oregon.
- Fall is truly the most incredible thing I have ever seen. For 2 months the leaves change to be one color, and change to another color, and change yet again before they fall.
- The rivers are so majestic and beautiful that your drive to anywhere becomes a scenic adventure!
- November and December were perfect...a chill in the air, the colors of fall and greenery even after the leaves fell, and a good mix of rain and sun.
- The kids have LOVED their school experience...they had incredible teachers, so many friends, and learned so so much!
- I love the way that our city was designed...everybody lives on cul de sacs, and there are walking paths that go between the backyards so you never have to walk along the roads. There are parks all over the place and greenspaces everywhere. I love that in Oregon, they don't just maximize the space for new development, they determine which part of the space should be preserved as greenspace and then build around it!
- I love the people! We were embraced with open arms in our ward and (most) of our neighborhood and immediately felt included. I already get teary thinking about leaving all of our friends! I have learned to ask for help, rely on people, and to reach out with open arms to help and serve without hesitation as people have done for us. My sweet cousin Dusti lived near us until they moved back to Utah last month and I am so grateful she was there. She is one of those people that makes you feel like you are doing her a favor to let her help you out. It was such a blessing to get to spend time with her and her family and get to know her better!
- Spring! I have never seen so many flowering things in my life! The trees flower, the bushes flower, the weeds flower, the rocks flower (ha ha...really it is just moss), and the actual flowers are enormous!!! It is so stunning! You walk out side and see rainbows of colors and hear the birds chirping and you can't help but be moved by how beautiful it is! It is exponentially more beautiful the 7 days of spring when the sun shines, but even lovely when it is cloudy.
- Summer is amazing! Everybody spends their entire life outside in the summer...eating on the patio, playing at the park, swimming at the lake, playing in the splash pads at the parks, walking around the neighborhood...it is lovely!
- We can see the temple out of our windows! We have LOVED being so close to the temple and having it within our ward boundaries. The kids love to walk to the temple, or spot the Angel Moroni from the car as we run errands. The visitors center is their favorite place to visit!
- We have loved being able to get to know the missionaries so well. We have them over for dinner at least once or twice a month, they teach FHE lessons at our house every so often, they call for rides...we love it and it is fun to be engaged in the work they are doing!
- Picking berries in Oregon is delicious, cheap, and fun...enough said!
- I love the farmland just south of where we live and would absolutely adore living there if it didn't mean a 1 hr. commute for Seth. There is more sun down that way too. :)
- OMSI is so fun!
- Waterfalls! Everywhere you look there are waterfalls. It is amazing!
- The Oregon Zoo is huge with so much to see!- The coast is close by and a perfect day trip for a mental reset!

There is so much else I could say about the wonderfulness of Oregon, but I have to get back to enjoying our time visiting family in Utah. Making this list has gotten me all excited to go back to Oregon and spend the next 2 months soaking it all in!

to Oregon and beyond

preface to this post: I started this post nearly 2 months ago before the last post I published on here, and have amended it a few times since. When I first wrote it, things were uncertain and I was feeling rather discouraged, but over the course of the last few months, so much has changed and Heavenly Father has blessed our little family with many sweet miracles. I wish I had posted it when I wrote it and updated as it changed to more accurately document the journey it has been to come to where we are now. But since I didn't, suffice it to say that while this year has been a trying one, as it has unfolded I have grown acutely aware that it has been part of a bigger plan for our family and has blessed us richly!

the view of Lake Oswego from Millennium Plaza downtown

We live in a gorgeous place! But, despite being here for almost a year now, I still have a hard time considering Oregon home. It feels more like and extended stay visit that we are constantly settling into. It has been quite a year. We have weathered gray skies outside and some gray skies inside too. We have made dear friends and have spent time exploring new things and enjoying the beauty around us. We have learned to live without family close by and to make the most of every chance we have to see them. We have written a lot of letters "home" and done a lot of skyping. We have had sticker shock over and over and over again as we have discovered just how much more the cost of living is here (say what you will about SLC, but it is a seriously cost-effective place to live). We have enjoyed having a lot of space in our home, but have come to the conclusion that we prefer a smaller home and the simpler life that allows. We have been severely lacking in Vitamin D and my camera has never been used at such high ISO's so consistently. We have shed some tears, struggled through frustrations, survived post-partum depression, and found so much happiness in the many opportunities we have had to serve here. We have watched our children blossom in every way. Each of them have grown so much while we have been here. Most of all, I feel like we have been guided by the spirit to be exactly where we are supposed to be.

But, as with many things in life, our plan for this adventure has not worked out exactly as intended. A big part of the reason we moved here was to pay off Seth's student loans. The clinic where he works is qualified to participate in a federal loan repayment program that offers loan repayment for a 2 year service contract in rural or underserved areas. You negotiate your salary with the employer so that you are getting a fair market salary and then apply for the repayment through the federal program separately. We had researched the program before Seth started school and had continued to follow it throughout his schooling and everything about the program had been consistent. So, when we received the offer we made the big move to Portland knowing that we would apply for the repayment in the "fall" when enrollment opened. At the beginning of December, we finally got the email about enrollment opening, but that email also came with some bad news: funding had been cut and the program had been restructured as a result. They would now award repayment based on your site's "score" (highest need sites receive a 21 down to lowest need sites at 0). Additionally, any sites with scores below 14 would also get $20k less for the 2 year commitment.

At the time, Seth's site score was a 9, so we continued as planned and just figured we would have to extend an additional year to pay that same amount. Fast forward a few months and the dreaded email arrived. 5600 applicants and only 1600 awards...if your site score is less than a 14, it is unlikely you will get repayment. A 9 wasn't looking so good, but what's more...his site's score had been reduced to a 4. So we considered our options: keep the current job and pick up a bunch of extra shifts for the next few years? Look for higher paying jobs here? Seek out other loan repayment opportunities at sites with higher scores?

Seth sent out his resume and the options started rolling in (he really hit the mark on choosing a marketable profession and being amazing at what he does!). Within a few short weeks, Seth had completed a variety of phone interviews and we were flying off to an interview in Tucson, AZ. We honestly had very little intention of it working out. We had an idea in our minds of what the offer would have to be for us to consider the move, and we were shocked when they made an offer that was better than we could have hoped. After much prayer and deliberation, we accepted the offer and once again, our little family is moving (this makes 3 moves in 13 months)!!

It has been a difficult decision to make. We will miss the amazing friends that have made our lives so rich and full, our fabulous ward and Seth's clinic that just adores him (so much that they are still trying to convince him to stay), our incredible neighborhood, our wonderful ward, the stunning scenery and the fabulous schools. But, we have discovered that moving isn't the end of the world...definitely a pain, but completely manageable. It still seems a little overwhelming, but we are ready for the adventure: enjoying every minute of a beautiful Oregon summer chock full of exploration and dear friends, a great big dose of SUNSHINE, and a gorgeous fall, winter and spring in Arizona!

why i love changing diapers...

shhh...don't tell Seth I said this, but this face makes diaper changing totally worth it!

I can't believe this little girl is ONE!!! All of a sudden she is looking all grown up!

Last Friday was her first birthday and the poor little thing was uber-sick. She had double ear infections and RSV in addition to cutting a few teeth: complete misery. My little angel baby who never cries or fusses, wanted to be held nonstop. She was so miserable, that we even had to postpone her birthday celebration. So sad! Anyway...the festivities are planned for tomorrow, and I am looking forward to capturing many more of these little Ellie smiles! Oh how much I love her!!!