seven years in

I was just getting ready to close all the lds.org windows on my computer and neatly stack my lesson materials for tomorrow's young women's lesson when I looked at the time...11:00. And the reality of this day washed over me. Today we have celebrated a little boy's birthday and what a day it has been, swimming, wii, playing outside, going out to dinner, opening gifts, skyping with grandma, yogurtland, phone calls and cards.

A post to adequately sum up Morgan at age 7 and all of the birthday goodness is on my list, but tonight April, 21 at 11:00 pm, my thoughts go back to that moment 7 years ago when I looked into the face of a tiny, perfect little dark haired boy as I took on the role of mother. Since that moment have been 7 years of hard work. Sleepless nights, potty training, emotions and pregnancies and post-partum depression, difficult stages, time outs, fast-food, stinky diapers, stinky play places, sicknesses, hospital stays, ear infections, thousands of dollars on diapers and wipes and clothes and burp cloths and strollers, hurt feelings, exhaustion, enduring the Backyardigans song for the gazillionth time, coloring on the walls...and the carpet...and their arms, so many mischievous scissor mishaps I'm not sure I can count them, wondering if I will ever be able to have a conversation about something not involving kids...and so so much more. It has been 7 years of discovery and learning and fun and adventure. Play-doh, tea parties, building trains, reading books, making car noises, playing in sand, going on adventures, saying prayers, making messes, making noise, school adventures, trips to the zoo, lunches with Grandma, Sunday dinners, celebrations, holidays, memories, parties, pizza nights, dancing in the living room, walks around the neighborhood, conference drives, first steps, first words, silliness, laughter, snuggles, scripture reading, and so so so much love.

And as I look back on it all, I can't help but think of what an amazing 7 years it has been! From that very first moment I looked at my baby boy, I have loved him with every single ounce of my soul! I still have moments often, when I look into his sweet face and just overflow with love for him and his sisters that have come since.

This morning we looked through pictures of that sweet April day, and I couldn't help but picture Chloe and Brynn and Ellie up in heaven huddled together as they watched their big brother start his life on earth. I know they cheered and said, "we'll be there with you soon!"

I love my sweet family. I know I don't show them enough in the day to day stuff. I know I need to be more patient, more present, more flexible, more calm, more intentional. I get overwhelmed and bored and frustrated with the ins and outs of being mommy every day 24/7, but I wouldn't trade it for the world, and I think they know that. I feel so lucky to have had this job for the last 7 years and to get to keep at it for the rest of eternity...I know the challenges will continue to get harder, but I also know that the rewards will continue to get sweeter and sweeter.