Perspective

We have been sick for what feels like forever. After finding out that we would be moving and still mid-freak-out for me, Ellie came down with a nasty virus. We had her tested for the flu so we could catch it early and give her tamaflu, but it was negative, and her lungs were mostly clear so we ruled out RSV, but for a little baby girl with reactive airway (asthma), anything involving a croupy sounding cough is scary and horrible. For 6 days she had a fever accompanied by a horrible croupy cough and some nasty congestion. Her days consisted of breathing treatments, sleeping and cuddling on mom's lap with an occasional couple bites of food here and there. She was so miserable. When the fever finally lifted, she was left with just the horrible cough and runny nose for another couple of days and now finally...2 weeks later...she is back to her normal cheerful self.

A few days after she started getting sick, Seth and I started getting the achy fever...and then the cough and congestion...and then his turned into a sinus infection and I lost my voice (which was particularly helpful since I was scheduled to sing in church). Morgan and Chloe each had a bad day or two where they were just feeling a little icky and had a cough, but nothing serious, and then Brynn came down with the cough and fever right as Ellie's fever was lifting, so it was back to breathing treatments, cuddles, and lots of movies and resting.

Finally, we are all on the mend. I am still talking a little bit like a man, and Brynn's cough will take awhile to go away completely (thank you asthma), but I feel like we can get out of the house without spreading our germs far and wide and infecting everyone we know.

The funny thing about all of this is that I was freaking out about twins and getting ready for them, when I found out we would have to move and all of a sudden, I had a new perspective on all those silly worries that were causing me so much stress. Who has time to worry about how you are going to tell the babies apart (blankets/color coded wardrobes?) or which type of stroller is the best when you have things like packing and finding a house to worry about? And then there I was completely freaking out about finding a house and packing up our life (again) and getting sick seemed like the worst possible thing that could pile onto my plate at that point, but really, it gave me a dose of perspective too. When you are worried about whether your little one will be able to breathe through the night without a trip to the ER for some oxygen and how to prevent her from getting dehydrated, you just don't have time to stress about where to get boxes or what to pack first. It was as much as I could do to just wake up in the morning, make sure everyone who wanted to eat food got something, get kids out the door to school and put in a new movie for the kids each time one ended. We ate a lot of soup from a can and we all slept a lot, but you know what, we survived it! I was forced to focus on just the basics of survival and let the rest of it go, and I am happy to report that it has really helped me to realize that whether we find a house today or in a month, we are going to be fine. Sure, I am still wanting to find a place sooner than later, and of course I am stressed that there is nothing out there that will work for us as of yet, but I know that the right thing is going to come along. I am being a little bit picky because I really want this move to stick for at LEAST 2 years, but also because I just haven't gotten that feeling of, "this is where we are supposed to be" yet. I know it is going to come along and every day, I pray that it will come along soon.

Today, the realtor had someone come and take pictures so they can get the house listed early next week. It was stressful trying to get everything ready and looking good and reminded me that, yes, this is going to be a huge pain, but I have to say, sitting here in a spotlessly clean house is quite lovely, so maybe the efforts to keep it clean will benefit our family as well. :) I am ever grateful for the little things that bring me a bit more perspective so I can stay focused on what is truly important and just be patient enough to let the rest of it fall into place in time. I do wish I could learn this lesson well enough already that it wouldn't take so many reminders to get me back on track. :) Either way, grateful to be in a place where I can see so clearly what a blessed life we lead.

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On an entirely separate note, today marks 21 weeks! I cannot believe it! Since I will likely deliver around 36-37 weeks, that means only about 15 weeks left until we get to meet these little fellas! They have both been very healthy and active at all of my appointments and both are growing well. Baby A loves to kick Baby B (rude!) and Baby B is pretty chill about it. He often turns his head away from us, so he doesn't have to get kicked in the face though. Baby A has a swimming pool and Baby B has a hot tub which means we are not quite out of the woods yet as far as TTTS goes, but my MFM thinks that since they are both growing well, we are still fine and the risk decreases significantly in a few more weeks. At 19 weeks I had only gained about 6 lbs., which I am certain is my lowest weight gain for a pregnancy thus far, but I am sure that will change now that I want to eat everything in sight! My appointment was cancelled this week since my OB was sick, so this is the first week I haven't gotten to see the babies on an Ultrasound for a while, but I have a growth ultrasound next Tuesday and an echocardiogram for the babies on Thursday, so it will be a double whammy next week.

Pregnancy wise, it is hard to tell exactly how I am feeling because I have been fighting this virus for so long, but I seem to have quite a bit more energy now that I am on the mend, and my appetite is back in full force because I am starving 24/7! May have something to do with supporting 3 growing bodies. Because of this increased energy, I have been able to go out on walks with the kids, and take on Costco shopping by myself, but inevitably I pay for it later in the day when my energy runs out and I can't move. The heartburn with this pregnancy is worse than anything I have experienced in my other pregnancies/entire life (a common theme with this pregnancy it seems) and without zantac, I can't sleep, drink or eat anything. Weird pregnancy dreams are in full swing and my belly is definitely getting in the way of my comfort. In the morning I feel about the same as I have around 20 weeks with my other kids, but by 8 pm, I feel like I am past 35 weeks and it isn't pretty. My belly is not poking way out because it is pretty well spread out top to bottom and side to side, but it is distinctly a pregnant belly. You can see a picture from a few days ago on instagram here. My legs and hips seem to be toting most of the bulk at this point, which historically means a much longer bounceback afterward, darn it! I am feeling lots of kicks and movements, but not all the time, not in a painful way (yet) and definitely not able to distinguish between them.

My biggest fears at this point are ending up having to get a c-section because I just really don't want to have to go through the recovery with 2 infants and 4 older kids, and getting placed on bedrest before we are able to find a house and move. I am hopeful that neither will be an issue and that we will be able to take on the rest of it as it comes. I am feeling confident that we will be able to get them on a schedule quickly, that I will be able to nurse them easily, and that things are going to be easier (albeit much more chaotic) when they get here. I am certainly not planning on it being easy, but I think it will be manageable. The kids are already in love with the babies and kiss my belly goodbye before they get on the bus in the morning. It is so sweet to hear them pray for "the babies in Mom's tummy" each morning and night and I always have to smile when I find Brynn's drawings of a person with two little people inside of it. The first time she pointed out that it was me and the 2 babies in my tummy and it has now become such a common art subject for her, that I recognize it immediately. Yes, we are all excited to welcome these two little boys to our family and to love them like crazy!