Last Doctors Appointment

Yesterday was my last ultrasound and Doctors appointment for this pregnancy. What a long road it has been to get here! The babies looked fantastic: each weighing in at 5 lbs. 12 oz. and both head down ready to be delivered! In case you didn't do that math, that means I am carrying 11 lbs 8 oz. of baby (+ a double sized placenta + 2 sacs of fluid...pretty much a whole bunch of stuff I am SUPER excited to evict from my body in just 5 days)! Still I am only up a total of 30 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight, though it feels like so very much more each time take a step or catch my reflection in a window!

Before I left my doctor's office, I scheduled my post-partum visit, and things got so real. All of a sudden it hit me like a brick wall, that in less than a week I would be holding 2 baby boys...feeding them, changing their diapers, choosing their names, introducing them to their siblings, taking giant breaths of that sweet newborn baby smell as I kiss their little heads and snuggle them close. It hit me that I would be done with this chapter of my life forever. That my days of growing little life inside of me would be ending and never again would I feel the flutters and kicks and punches of a little one still growing in preparation for a life on Earth. It was bittersweet.

Sure, I am past the point of comfort: it hurts to stand, sit, lie down, walk, bend and lift. I literally had to slam on my breaks and turn on my emergency flashers in the middle of the WalMart parking lot the other day because my leg cramped so bad that I couldn't drive. I am lucky to get more than 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night despite going to bed early and attempting to sleep in. I have to ration my trips up and down the stairs and often have to let stuff collect in piles at the tops and bottom of the stairs because I just can't bear the thought of going up or down the stairs one extra time. My feet decided to become so itchy I often would like to have them amputated and the simplest tasks like folding laundry and rinsing dishes in the sink seem so overwhelming that I need to sit down just thinking about doing them. And yet through all of that, I am so grateful to have experienced this...the rollercoaster of emotion and wondering if these little ones would make it here to our family safely, the worry about all of the unknowns, the millions of little prayers asking for miracles, the sweet discovery of two distinct personalities developing in my sweet boys, and the overwhelming confirmation daily that God exists, that he loves me and my family and that he is watching over us. I wouldn't wish to experience any of it again, but I also wouldn't trade it, and that is what I am left with each time I think about this pregnancy chapter coming to an end.

In the middle of the night last night, I was overcome with such a feeling of love and appreciation for each of my children: for their unique personalities and strengths, for the void they have filled in our family, and for the way they test me and stretch me and teach me to love. And I know that these little boys will fill another void we don't realize exists and that we will all be better because they are a part of our family. So, for 5 more days, I will relish the dynamic of our family of 6, anticipate the joy that will come to our family of 8, and count my blessings that I can look back at all of it, grateful for the good and the bad.

My computer hard drive decided to die, so I apologize for the lack of pictures and infrequency of posting on here. As soon as I have access to my own computer and photo organizing/editing software again, I promise to update with posts that don't blab on about pregnancy. To come: birthdays, Morgan's baptism, and the sweet little moments of our everyday life that I don't want to forget! :)