to Oregon and beyond

preface to this post: I started this post nearly 2 months ago before the last post I published on here, and have amended it a few times since. When I first wrote it, things were uncertain and I was feeling rather discouraged, but over the course of the last few months, so much has changed and Heavenly Father has blessed our little family with many sweet miracles. I wish I had posted it when I wrote it and updated as it changed to more accurately document the journey it has been to come to where we are now. But since I didn't, suffice it to say that while this year has been a trying one, as it has unfolded I have grown acutely aware that it has been part of a bigger plan for our family and has blessed us richly!

the view of Lake Oswego from Millennium Plaza downtown

We live in a gorgeous place! But, despite being here for almost a year now, I still have a hard time considering Oregon home. It feels more like and extended stay visit that we are constantly settling into. It has been quite a year. We have weathered gray skies outside and some gray skies inside too. We have made dear friends and have spent time exploring new things and enjoying the beauty around us. We have learned to live without family close by and to make the most of every chance we have to see them. We have written a lot of letters "home" and done a lot of skyping. We have had sticker shock over and over and over again as we have discovered just how much more the cost of living is here (say what you will about SLC, but it is a seriously cost-effective place to live). We have enjoyed having a lot of space in our home, but have come to the conclusion that we prefer a smaller home and the simpler life that allows. We have been severely lacking in Vitamin D and my camera has never been used at such high ISO's so consistently. We have shed some tears, struggled through frustrations, survived post-partum depression, and found so much happiness in the many opportunities we have had to serve here. We have watched our children blossom in every way. Each of them have grown so much while we have been here. Most of all, I feel like we have been guided by the spirit to be exactly where we are supposed to be.

But, as with many things in life, our plan for this adventure has not worked out exactly as intended. A big part of the reason we moved here was to pay off Seth's student loans. The clinic where he works is qualified to participate in a federal loan repayment program that offers loan repayment for a 2 year service contract in rural or underserved areas. You negotiate your salary with the employer so that you are getting a fair market salary and then apply for the repayment through the federal program separately. We had researched the program before Seth started school and had continued to follow it throughout his schooling and everything about the program had been consistent. So, when we received the offer we made the big move to Portland knowing that we would apply for the repayment in the "fall" when enrollment opened. At the beginning of December, we finally got the email about enrollment opening, but that email also came with some bad news: funding had been cut and the program had been restructured as a result. They would now award repayment based on your site's "score" (highest need sites receive a 21 down to lowest need sites at 0). Additionally, any sites with scores below 14 would also get $20k less for the 2 year commitment.

At the time, Seth's site score was a 9, so we continued as planned and just figured we would have to extend an additional year to pay that same amount. Fast forward a few months and the dreaded email arrived. 5600 applicants and only 1600 awards...if your site score is less than a 14, it is unlikely you will get repayment. A 9 wasn't looking so good, but what's more...his site's score had been reduced to a 4. So we considered our options: keep the current job and pick up a bunch of extra shifts for the next few years? Look for higher paying jobs here? Seek out other loan repayment opportunities at sites with higher scores?

Seth sent out his resume and the options started rolling in (he really hit the mark on choosing a marketable profession and being amazing at what he does!). Within a few short weeks, Seth had completed a variety of phone interviews and we were flying off to an interview in Tucson, AZ. We honestly had very little intention of it working out. We had an idea in our minds of what the offer would have to be for us to consider the move, and we were shocked when they made an offer that was better than we could have hoped. After much prayer and deliberation, we accepted the offer and once again, our little family is moving (this makes 3 moves in 13 months)!!

It has been a difficult decision to make. We will miss the amazing friends that have made our lives so rich and full, our fabulous ward and Seth's clinic that just adores him (so much that they are still trying to convince him to stay), our incredible neighborhood, our wonderful ward, the stunning scenery and the fabulous schools. But, we have discovered that moving isn't the end of the world...definitely a pain, but completely manageable. It still seems a little overwhelming, but we are ready for the adventure: enjoying every minute of a beautiful Oregon summer chock full of exploration and dear friends, a great big dose of SUNSHINE, and a gorgeous fall, winter and spring in Arizona!

why i love changing diapers...

shhh...don't tell Seth I said this, but this face makes diaper changing totally worth it!

I can't believe this little girl is ONE!!! All of a sudden she is looking all grown up!

Last Friday was her first birthday and the poor little thing was uber-sick. She had double ear infections and RSV in addition to cutting a few teeth: complete misery. My little angel baby who never cries or fusses, wanted to be held nonstop. She was so miserable, that we even had to postpone her birthday celebration. So sad! Anyway...the festivities are planned for tomorrow, and I am looking forward to capturing many more of these little Ellie smiles! Oh how much I love her!!!

Happy Birthday to my Little Buddy

Oh Morgan! I have been procrastinating this post after writing about motherhood on his birthday, because I just don't know that I have words to adequately describe my sweet little man at this stage of his life. In a world of pink tea parties, my little ponies and stopping to pick every.single.dandelion we see on a walk around the neighborhood, Morgan is our rock! He grounds us and gives us a new perspective, a willing helping hand, the knight in shining armor or scary dragon, and the ability to survive the day drama-free! What a champ he is.

Morgan,

At 7 years old, you are amazing! I am ever-impressed by the things that you know. You can (and `do) read anything you can get your hands on! Your favorite books are the Magic Treehouse series, Fly Guy books, Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus series, and Where's Waldo (even though those don't really count as reading). You love to learn and are constantly asking questions about how the world works. We usually have to turn to YouTube videos to answer your questions in enough detail to satisfy your curiousity, and I am certain you aren't going to let me off the hook about going to see the paper plant from the video about how paper is made until I take you.

You are constantly teaching us about the things you learn at school. One of my favorite overheard conversations in the back seat of the car went like this:

"Chloe, do you know what evaporation is?"
"no."
"Well, it is when water on the ground dries up and goes up in the air to form a cloud. Then that water rains from the clouds and it happens over and over again. So, the same water that Heavenly Father put on the earth when he created it, is the water that is still on the earth today!"

I love that you get excited about learning and want to share that with us!

At 7, you are such a responsible kid! When you get home from school on Monday afternoons, you sit down and immediately do your homework for the whole week, usually before I even know you are doing it. You make and pack your own lunch and are ready for school and helping your sisters before I am even out of the shower most mornings.

You get up ridiculously early...most days around 6:30am...despite my best efforts to get you to sleep in! No matter what I try, you just want to get up and spend a little time eating breakfast with your Dad before he heads out to work.



Playing Wii is a highlight for you and you have gotten pretty good at it lately. Too bad you have a crazy mama who doesn't let you play very often. :) You love legos and have had so much fun building all sorts of fun things. Your favorite activity, though, is playing in the cul de sac with your neighborhood friends! You love the independence and friendships and the opportunity to explore!

You have such a caring spirit! You are always reaching out to the people around you to make them feel needed, loved, and included. At the last parent teacher conference, your teacher showed us a book you wrote about a friend in your class. You had done a great job on the book, but your teacher told us that there was something particularly special about your book: the friend you wrote the book about doesn't talk. When you originally started the book, she thought you had made up the information and she was amazed to find out that you had actually asked tons and tons of yes/no questions to find out all about him. You have been such a good friend to him...it makes my mama heart proud! You have made so many friends here and that has been really fun!

You are so sweet to your sisters! You still know how to position things so they will like them..."You can be the beautiful princess and I will come and rescue you from the evil dragon!" or "Oh you love that movie because it has the beautiful girl in it!" You are willing to play petshops or tea party or princesses, but you definitely dish out your share of brotherly torment and teasing too!

Regardless, they adore you. Each girl has a very special and sweet relationship with you and consider you their very best buddy because you treat them that way. You tend to be patient, patient, patient and then snap, so when you have a bad day there is a lot of crying and time outs, but fortunately that doesn't  happen very often.Your little sisters are so lucky to have you as their big brother and they definitely know it!

Missing family has been particularly hard on you because you have been so close to them throughout your life, so when people come to stay with us you are always excited to let them have your room in exchange for playing with you all day long! It is a pretty good deal for everyone (okay, maybe they could live without the 6:00 am wake up calls...).

I am so lucky to have you as my little boy. It is hard to believe that it has already been 7 years since you joined our family! I hope you never get too old to snuggle up to me and give me hugs while we read books. I hope you continue to be so excited about knowing your articles of faith, reading scriptures and saying prayers.

When you jump out of the car at school in the morning, put your arm around your sister to lead her in the door and flash a little sign language "I love you" over your shoulder, it makes my day! Please keep doing that forever! Thank you for helping your mama without complaint, for striving to be your very best self, for learning and growing, and for keeping our home filled with laughter and happiness!

Love you buddy!

Happy Birthday!!

xoxoxo,
Mom!

(p.s. the light in our house is the WORST...sorry for the yellow pictures!)

seven years in

I was just getting ready to close all the lds.org windows on my computer and neatly stack my lesson materials for tomorrow's young women's lesson when I looked at the time...11:00. And the reality of this day washed over me. Today we have celebrated a little boy's birthday and what a day it has been, swimming, wii, playing outside, going out to dinner, opening gifts, skyping with grandma, yogurtland, phone calls and cards.

A post to adequately sum up Morgan at age 7 and all of the birthday goodness is on my list, but tonight April, 21 at 11:00 pm, my thoughts go back to that moment 7 years ago when I looked into the face of a tiny, perfect little dark haired boy as I took on the role of mother. Since that moment have been 7 years of hard work. Sleepless nights, potty training, emotions and pregnancies and post-partum depression, difficult stages, time outs, fast-food, stinky diapers, stinky play places, sicknesses, hospital stays, ear infections, thousands of dollars on diapers and wipes and clothes and burp cloths and strollers, hurt feelings, exhaustion, enduring the Backyardigans song for the gazillionth time, coloring on the walls...and the carpet...and their arms, so many mischievous scissor mishaps I'm not sure I can count them, wondering if I will ever be able to have a conversation about something not involving kids...and so so much more. It has been 7 years of discovery and learning and fun and adventure. Play-doh, tea parties, building trains, reading books, making car noises, playing in sand, going on adventures, saying prayers, making messes, making noise, school adventures, trips to the zoo, lunches with Grandma, Sunday dinners, celebrations, holidays, memories, parties, pizza nights, dancing in the living room, walks around the neighborhood, conference drives, first steps, first words, silliness, laughter, snuggles, scripture reading, and so so so much love.

And as I look back on it all, I can't help but think of what an amazing 7 years it has been! From that very first moment I looked at my baby boy, I have loved him with every single ounce of my soul! I still have moments often, when I look into his sweet face and just overflow with love for him and his sisters that have come since.

This morning we looked through pictures of that sweet April day, and I couldn't help but picture Chloe and Brynn and Ellie up in heaven huddled together as they watched their big brother start his life on earth. I know they cheered and said, "we'll be there with you soon!"

I love my sweet family. I know I don't show them enough in the day to day stuff. I know I need to be more patient, more present, more flexible, more calm, more intentional. I get overwhelmed and bored and frustrated with the ins and outs of being mommy every day 24/7, but I wouldn't trade it for the world, and I think they know that. I feel so lucky to have had this job for the last 7 years and to get to keep at it for the rest of eternity...I know the challenges will continue to get harder, but I also know that the rewards will continue to get sweeter and sweeter.

Chloe is 5!

I feel like we have been celebrating this occasion for almost a month already since we had a party while Grandma Becky was here in early March and that I still have plenty of time to post about her birthday since her party isn't for another 2 weeks. If there ever was a little girl who appreciated this very elongated birthday celebration, it is Chloe at age 5. She has had so much fun with this whole birthday thing. She has LOVED the attention, of course, and has been so excited about every little gift she has received. Even the birthday card from her cousin with a drawing of the 2 of them together made her day!

I have been procrastinating this post because I am just not sure what to say about my little Chloe-o at age 5. She can be a challenge for sure. She digs in her heels and throws tantrums like life is coming to an end. She has complete meltdowns screaming, "I hate you!" because she isn't allowed to wear a church dress to school when it is cold and raining outside or because we are walking to pick Morgan up from school and she wants to drive.

She has gotten rather sneaky too: stealing sips of my Dr. Pepper when I am not in the room and then pretending she was just picking it up to hand it to me when I catch her with it and cutting Brynn's hair in the morning while they are supposed to be eating breakfast. She is constantly picking Ellie up and nearly injuring her, despite the rule that she isn't allowed to touch Ellie without permission. And since this occupies so much of my day, I often wonder if I will survive her childhood.

But on the flip side, she is such a little sweetheart.

If I ever need a self esteem boost, I just have to put on a cute outfit or some fun jewelry and then hang out with Chloe: I know I will hear her say, "You look so beautiful, Mom!" She is caring and compassionate, always thinking about how she can brighten someones day and make them feel happy. She loves people. We cannot go anywhere without her making a new friend and striking up a conversation. She has no regard to age, race, gender, status: she will talk to anyone and tell them all about her life and ask them all about theirs...it is usually adorable, but can also be a little scary.

Chloe loves school. She is an amazing little artist with serious attention to detail. Her favorite thing to do is draw pictures and write letters to people. I amazed at the words she can sound out and read and all of the things she has learned! Her preschool class only has 10 kids in it and she loves all of her preschool friends so much! Last week was our spring break and when she got in my car today after her first day off she said, "I had soooo much fun today Mom!"

She has recently started writing books for fun. She comes up with such creative stories, draws all the pictures, sounds out the words, and writes them. Her stories are very detailed so when she has written a few sentences and starts to get tired, she finds a willing grown up and dictates the rest of the story to them. Then she thinks about who might enjoy her story and sends them off in the mail.

Chloe also loves church. She gets so excited about family home evening, reading scriptures and says the most thoughtful prayers. She loves to have the missionaries over and recite articles of faith and always wants to sing primary songs together. She adores our home teachers and snuggles right up to them when they come.

She is definitely a stylista...she ALWAYS has an opinion about what she wants to wear and it is almost always a dress or a skirt. She loves accessories and combining fun colors and patterns and of course, anything ruffled or sparkly is her favorite. She is really loving her dance class and all of her dance buddies too.

I love to see the way Chloe embraces her role as a sister. Despite being banned from touching Ellie without permission, she loves her baby sister and is always looking out for her. She is the first to recommend a snack or a toy or a game for Ellie and always wants to sit by Ellie at lunch.

Brynn and Chloe are very best buddies. Those two can be entertained for hours and hours with just their imaginations and each other. They have so much fun together and get such enjoyment out of each others' accomplishments. They compliment each other and encourage each other and just love love love each other so much that it makes my heart happy. And then there is the way that Chloe adores her big brother. She loves to play with him and looks up to him so much. Every morning when they hop out of my car and head in to school, they flash me "I love you" in sign language, and then I watch Morgan wrap his arm around his little sister and lead her to the door as they giggle together. She looks at him like he is a superhero and loves that she is big enough to be included in "big kid things" with him.

So to my sweet baby girl on your 5th birthday...you are wonderful! Your passion for life is contagious. You keep us laughing all the time with the things you say, the stories you tell and the wonderful creativity of your imagination. I am still giggling about what you told me today, "They call it Dr. Pepper because if you drink too much of it you have to go to the doctor." ha ha ha ha!

Thank you for loving everyone around you, for leaving people better than you find them and for loving your momma despite her many imperfections. Thank you for still snuggling into my lap to read books and squishing my cheeks to turn my face into a fish face while you give me eskimo kisses. I love how you use big words correctly in your everyday speech and how I had to download the dictionary.com app on my phone so that I could keep up your ever expanding vocabulary. Your sweet and simple faith is inspiring and makes me want to do better and be better as your mommy and stay focused on what matters most. I love to see how quickly you embrace people and turn strangers into friends. You definitely push me to be a better mom and you help me learn to direct your personality and passion into traits that will serve you well in this life so you can become the wonderful woman I know you are going to be. It is a challenge, but I know that it will be worth it! I am so blessed to be your mom. Hugs and kisses baby girl!

Love,
Mom

minimalist

I have never been much of a fashionista. I kind of have my own sense of style: classic, boring, affordable (ha ha). And then I had kids and started to venture out a bit with colors and trends and accessories when shopping for them because experimentation is much more affordable when you are buying stuff in a size 2T than in women's sizes. :)

So then, one day, I got addicted to photography. In all the learning of shooting manual, running a business, posing, lighting, marketing, editing, interacting, etc, etc, etc...I learned all about dressing for a shoot. And suddenly shopping got fun...too fun! The kids drawers suddenly started brimming with cute finds from here and there...lots of colors, fun accessories, coordinated items for all the kids, layers, matching hair bows....I went way off the deep end. My kids were dressed to the hilt every single day of their lives (poor things) with an expectation that at any given moment I may whip out that camera and take a picture that would eventually be blown up on a huge canvas for everyone to see. I hope that doesn't read as I was trying to represent something that wasn't real, I just wanted them to be dressed for pictures all the time because the moments that speak to me most are happening all the time and chances are good that those moments would be the ones I wanted on the wall.

Fast forward to last spring/summer, I did a pretty darn good job at getting rid of anything we didn't need before we moved and I feel like we use everything we have in our household now (sometimes I kick myself for getting rid of more than I should have, but that is a totally separate topic). But, the kids drawers are just.too.full. If I had one child, this would be less of an issue, but I have 4 children, and it is just too much! I keep up pretty well with laundry and do a few loads a day and fold them immediately as they come out of the dryer, but I have piles of folded clothes that never quite make it into the kids rooms because their drawers are so full I don't have anywhere to put them. Chloe and Brynn share a dresser, so that could be part of the problem, BUT most of their clothes are on hangers in their closet anyway and their jammies and dance clothes and girly accessories aren't in their drawers either.

Anyway...enter pinterest and some fabulous organizing project that caught my eye and I am determined to become a "kids clothing minimalist". What this doesn't mean is that I am going to dress my kids in clothes straight out of the REI magazine (and I do not mean that in a good way) as seems to be a common trend here in Oregon. Instead, I am going to splurge on stuff that makes me/them happy and limit their wardrobes to a few items in each category. The organizing project lady suggested the rule of 3 (3 jeans, 3 skirts, 3 short-sleeved shirts, 3 long sleeved shirts, etc.) but that is just a little too extreme for me, so we are using the rule of 4-8 depending on what it is. (less jeans, more shirts...variety is good, right).

 Even this is a struggle for me, but I am determined to do it. Less clothing options means less laundry to put away, less clean clothes that the kids take out of their drawer and leave lying around making me think it is laundry, less options for the girls to fight with me about each morning, less to replace when they move up to the next size, less temptation to shop for new adorable stuff when I open the mail, you know...just less all around!

Has anyone done this? I will let you know if it works, but I am excited at the prospect of being a minimalist.

i heart naartjie

so that I can enjoy the sights of these adorable kiddos in their adorable "floof" pants

 around my house every day! 

It solves the dilemma of the iwannawearadress daily tantrum
while still being comfy and functional!

How is it possible that I haven't been to naartjie since I moved here?

Dangerous Love

The perfect picture of life with these two right now:

 

Chloe loves that little Ellie so much!