The Night Sky Halloween 2014

I am just going to accept that I will probably not be a consistent blogger in the foreseeable future, so I am just going to record the current stuff when I have time and let the rest go. :) Between instagram and some random blog posts here and there, and the private journaling I do in DayOne on my iPhone, that should be a pretty complete picture of my life for posterity, right?

For starters, I have to say, I used to really enjoy Halloween, but at this stage in my life, I have decided I just don't love it...or really even like it. It is so much work/expectation/sugar/busyness with no good reason. Other holidays involve all the same things, but at least they have some redeeming quality like a celebration of giving, gratitude, love, life, patriotism, not to mention all the wonderful religious celebrations! Since I really don't like scary stuff or gross stuff and we aren't big into letting our kids have sweets because they turn into monsters, there just isn't much to redeem Halloween from being a pointless holiday for me. I love the creativity of coming up with fun costumes, and my kids are halloween fanatics, so one day, I hope to enjoy it again.

Despite my Halloween negativity, we managed to have a lot of Halloween fun this year amidst the craziness/crankiness. October is a crazy month, and was especially so this year with our anniversary trip, family in town, fall break, a relief society activity I was in charge of, and then Callie getting sick/passing away and getting a new puppy, so despite our costume plans being set in September, I did not have our costumes ready when the first party rolled around. That was probably the most fun costume night, though, because we totally made do with what we could come up with at our house in two hours or less. Morgan went as a skeleton in his glow in the dark jammies, I wore Chloe's ghost tutu from last year and went as the tooth fairy, the babies wore white onesies and we called them teeth, Seth wore a clown wig and a racquetball on his nose, Brynn wore Morgan's monster costume from last year, Ellie wore a Sleeping Beauty dress from the dress up bin, and Chloe insisted on being a mermaid. That was a tricky one, so after a few failed attempts to make something look like a mermaid tail, she ended up in a long purple maxi skirt of hers layered under a purple stretchy pencil skirt of mine, a swimsuit top, and shell jewelry. That girl and her ideas. I wish I had taken any pictures, but all I have are a couple shots a friend took of Morgan and Chloe (thank you for sending these to me Rachelle!). I am lame.

After that, I got my self in gear and got all the kids' costumes ready for the trunk or treat. Chloe had come up with the great idea of being constellations, so I painted glow in the dark stars on black outfits and connected the stars with tape. They were cool. But, the stars didn't glow and they paint was pretty faint, so it was kind of an epic Halloween fail because nobody knew what they were. (again, this is the only picture I took because I am lame).

After that, I got glow in the dark stars and just glued them on for actual Halloween night. I tested them, they worked and we were all set. We didn't get around to taking pictures until the light was almost gone, so the lighting is pretty terrible for most of them, but our stars were glowing and people knew what we were, until we got a few houses away and they stopped glowing. What? Glow in the dark stuff is annoying. Luckily we had a black light flashlight with us and we would "charge" our stars every so often. Anyway, we trick-or-treated with some favorite friends (love you Beatty family!) and got loads of candy and then came home to Lincoln not being able to breathe and whisked him off to the hospital...but that is another story. So without further ado, I give you The Night Sky:

see, we glowed! 

Brynn was Scorpius - this is her best scorpion look

Chloe was Cassiopeia - because she was the queen, obviously

Morgan was the Phoenix

Ellie was Cancer - the crab - she is such a goof

Here are the four sort of cooperative children

Lincoln and Ryder were Gemini "the twins" - they shared a star on the sleeve of each of their shirts. They would not oblige for a photo, so try and get the vision from this series of photos. ha ha. (Lincoln on the left/Ryder on the right)

Ryder on the left/Lincoln on the right...see the half a star on Lincoln's sleeve? 

Ryder

Lincoln on the left, Ryder on the right

Lincoln

Seth was the Big Dipper and I was the Little Dipper. Photo credit: Morgan

And there you have it...the night sky Tates and Halloween 2014! You are welcome Mom. ;)

And now on to November!! I may not be a big Halloween fan, but Thanksgiving is my favorite!!!!

Tribute to our Sunshine Pup

Last Thursday, October 23, we had to put our sweet Callie dog to sleep. Two days earlier she had suddenly started throwing up, stopped eating and didn't want to move. We took her to the vet and her blood work showed kidney failure. The vet thought it had probably been progressing over the past month, but that she just kept going full speed until her body shut down completely. So, upon his recommendation, and with very heavy hearts, we said goodbye to our best little four-legged friend.

young puppy Callie in October 2004

Callie has been a part of nearly all of our family's life together. We got her as a 3 month old crazy puppy for my birthday in 2004, less than a year after getting married. We had just bought and settled into our first house, and knew that we wanted to raise our kids with a dog. Seth is a total animal lover, but I had grown up fearing dogs, and we didn't want our kids to repeat my experience. So, we decided to get a dog that day, drove to Spanish Fork (because it was the closest shelter with any puppies that day) and brought home Callie despite her overwhelming amount of energy. We had absolutely no idea what we were doing, and we were so unprepared for her. We didn't even have a crate for her, so that night we made a little makeshift bed/crate out of some plastic yard fencing and a laundry basket. She would not stay contained, though, and quickly found out how to get right out of that thing. The next day, we bought a crate...and found out that I was pregnant with Morgan...talk about timing.

Our family on our first "Conference Drive" in October 2004

We think that Callie had been abused before we adopted her. She came to us scared, anxious, nervous to be near us, and completely numb to pain. Our neighbor later told us that he was sure we were going to take her back to the shelter within a week because she was such a handful. It took weeks to convince her that we wouldn't hurt her, but eventually she stopped bracing for abuse when we would reach toward her to pet her. She became quite the little cuddle bug, though, burrowing her way under the covers of our bed all the way to the very bottom to snuggle by our feet. She had a slight identity crisis...she loved to climb up on the back of the couch and lie there in the sunshine like a cat...and she loved to rub up against your legs and arch her back up against you like a cat. She would find any inch of sunshine streaming in from the window and curl up right there on that spot to rest. After months of that, we dubbed her "sunshine pup".

Callie's first Christmas - she had just learned how to sit and stay

Callie catching snowballs

She was the highest energy dog we had ever known. She could outrun any dog we met, and would constantly jump in between dogs that were fighting at the dog park and get them to chase her to break up their fight. She was a jumper and a chewer. She failed her puppy training class because she just had too much energy! She ran into a moving car when we picked her up from the vet after getting spayed because she darted off and didn't see the car coming and ran right into the side of it. She chewed up vacuum cords, stuffed animals, frisbees, bras, diapers, balls, leashes, every shoe in the house, a couch cushion and even chewed a giant hole right in the middle of a brand new memory foam mattress topper we had just opened and put on our bed. She did eventually learn a lot of tricks though. One of our favorites was "velociraptor" where she would stand up on her hind legs and balance in the air like a velociraptor. She would also stand on her hind legs and give Seth hugs, he would then make her dance with him...but she did not enjoy that very much. She was in love with balls and frisbees and would do quite the acrobatics to catch them, but then would run away with it and never give it back. She did learn to come and stay and sit and lie down, but regardless of her training, she would bolt out the front door any chance she got. Man she was fast and there was no hope of catching her unless you could get her attention with a ball, frisbee or treat. We tried every kind of collar and leash to make walks manageable because she would pull so much, and finally found the gentle leader, which is the only thing that worked. Even still, she was always right out in front, leading the way.

Callie and baby Morgan

When we brought Morgan home, we were amazed that even though she would still run around like a psycho dog, she was very conscientious of him and very gentle with him. My family still recounts the time he was laying on a blanket on the floor only a few weeks old and she pulled the blanket out from under him, sending him catapulting over, but for the most part she was so sweet with him. We would find her under his crib while he was sleeping or following him around to keep him out of trouble. She didn't mind when he stole her food, bones, and toys, or when he grabbed her ears, poked her eyeballs, pulled her tail or later sat on her like a horse. She obliged him with sloppy lick kisses in his open mouth, and cleaned the spit up off his face. She learned the art of high chair floor clean up, and hovered around whenever he was eating.

Callie, Seth and Morgan in the backpack

She was our outdoor adventure companion. She loved to hike with us and would run up ahead to scope out the trail and then come right back as soon as we were out of sight to make sure we were coming. I think she traveled about 10 times the distance we did on those hikes with all her running ahead and coming back to check on us. She didn't love the water the first time Seth threw her in, but as she got used to it, she became quite the water-loving dog. She would go out on the canoe with us and then jump in and swim alongside us as we paddled. One time we got her some little "paw shoes" to protect her feet on our rocky adventures, and we laughed our heads off as she walked in them the first time. She pranced like a horse until she ripped those suckers right off of her feet. She was hilarious to take snowshoeing too. She would run so fast that she didn't even sink into the snow. It was like watching a twitterpated deer prancing around in Bambi. She loved it when we took her sledding because it was the only time we could keep up with her speed. She would run alongside us as we zipped down the hill.

Callie chasing Morgan and Seth on the sled

Callie and Roxy

Right before Chloe was born, we took in a puppy from a friend who had rescued a pregnant dog. Roxy was just 8 weeks old when we brought her home, and Callie took her on as her own puppy. She showed that little puppy the ropes of life with babies and toddlers around. She taught her all of the bad habits, and all of the good habits, and she played and played with that little Roxy until Roxy got bigger than her and tried to steal all the sunshine spots. Callie was not too thrilled about that. They were buddies though, and when we had to find another home for Roxy a couple of years later right before Brynn was born, Callie missed her friend. Callie continued to be crazy and energetic and fast, but with each little baby we brought home from the hospital, she softened and sweetened and mellowed a little more. She loved those babies of ours with all her heart!

Callie watching over newborn Ellie

Callie and Chloe

Our family picture 2007

Morgan, Chloe and Callie

Chloe and Callie

By the time we moved to Portland, Callie was a very good dog. She was worried sick as we started taking everything out of the house and loading it into the moving truck. Apartment life for 3 weeks was as awful for her as it was for all of us, but once we got to our house in Oregon and she had room to roam, she was a happy happy dog. She still loved to run out the door and got excited when people came over, but she would always come back. She loved our many trips to the coast to play in the ocean, drink the salty water, chase the waves and lounge in the sand. She loved our waterfall hikes and adventures, but mostly, I think she loved the landing of our staircase where the giant two story bay window was filled with sunshine on the non-cloudy days. I often found her curled up there soaking it all up.

Chloe, Brynn, Seth and Callie on the Oregon coast

We made her nervous when we packed up our world again, but Arizona proved to be a happy place for Callie. She explored the cacti at first...realized that wasn't a great idea, and avoided them in the future. She chased lots of lizards, and birds and even caught a pack rat for us. But her favorite thing was swimming. That dog love love loved to swim. She also loved to lifeguard and would always bark if she was worried that something the kids were doing in the water wasn't safe. It was kind of annoying, but also sweet and endearing. She pulled her weight though, and made sure to swim around and gather up all the toys when we finished swimming, so they weren't left in the water. This didn't go so well with the blow up toys...

Callie and Lincoln October 2014

But the thing I didn't really consciously realize was how much she was mothering my babies. In the days after she was gone, I noticed such a void. It wasn't just that she wasn't there sitting in the patch of sunshine, or that her tail wasn't wagging when I came in the room, or even that she wasn't there to greet me when I'd get home from errands...though I miss those things terribly. I was surprised when I noticed that I was so much more exhausted, and Ellie and the babies seemed like so much more work than normal. I noticed that in the morning when I brought the babies in my room like I always do, they were getting on the bed, climbing all over me and pulling my hair and driving me crazy...she used to be the one who did first-thing-in-the-morning play duty. I noticed that they wanted me to come and follow them around because Callie wasn't there to play chase with in circles around the house. I noticed that when I took them in another room to divert their attention while I got dinner finished or swept the floor, they just came right back in crying because Callie wasn't there to wear off some of their energy playing catch or lick or chase. I noticed that despite my best efforts and multiple times sweeping each day, the high chair corner was disgusting, and the rest of the floor wasn't much better. I noticed that I was on high alert when the kids would go play out in the backyard because my nanny-dog wasn't there to make sure they were safe or alert me if there was danger. I didn't realize how much I counted on her to make our household run.

Callie and Lincoln - October 2014

Chloe checking on Callie first thing in the
morning when she was sick. So glad she spent
time petting her and telling her she loved her.

The kids were all heartbroken over the loss. They knew there was a chance she would die when they left for school that morning because she was so sick, and we had talked about it. They had mentioned that at least she had gotten to have a really happy life with us and that we had gotten to have a really

Callie's Funeral

happy life with her. But when we made the decision to euthanize, the vet advised us not to wait because she was so miserable that each hour was like an eternity for her. So I went by myself while Seth was working, kids were at school and a friend was sitting with the babies while they were napping. I had the horrible responsibility of telling them about it in the short minutes after they got home from school and before the kids started arriving for dance. Chloe was the first to break down. She tried to be strong, but I could see it in her face that she was holding back the tears and as soon as I told her it was ok to be sad, she sobbed on my shoulder. The other kids seemed to be very sad, but ok when I told them, but after dance and dinner when we had our little funeral for her, I saw Morgan with tears streaming down his face watching us finish putting the dirt on her grave. I went to hug him and Brynn came over to join in the sobbing. Chloe joined us too, and we all cried. Poor little Brynn feels things so deeply, that she couldn't stop crying to go to sleep until very late. We looked at pictures of Callie in the scrapbooks and on my computer, and remembered all the wonderful things about her, which was fun to laugh and remember, but our hearts were still heavy and the tears came and went for days. Sometimes they still come in waves. Ellie has struggled to really process it. She still tells everyone she sees, "Our Callie dog died" or "We had to bury our Callie dog because she died." We found some digging by Callie's grave and are sure it was Ellie. The other morning she prayed that Callie would get better and we had to explain to her that Callie can't get better. I can't decide whether it hurts more to experience my own grief from losing her after 10.5 years of having her in my life or watching my kids experience the grief of losing the friend that has been a part of their whole lives. Either way, this is definitely the worst part of loving a dog.



We all feel a hole in our hearts that she used to fill. It aches each time the kids walk in the door from school and look around for Callie before they realize she isn't there to greet them at the door. It aches each time I lay down in my bed and see an empty spot on the floor by our bed where she used to sleep. It aches when the babies wake up in the morning saying, "Dog, dog" and looking for their friend. It aches when someone knocks on my door and there isn't any barking or sounds of pawprints running to greet them. It aches each time Seth walks in the door from work and I didn't realize he had pulled in the driveway because nobody alerted me. It aches when I do the dishes and have to wash crusted food off of them before they go in the dishwasher because Callie wasn't there to pre-wash them. It aches when Seth comes into our bedroom each night and he isn't followed by a four-legged shadow. It aches when we go out for a walk as a family, and there is no discussion of who gets to
hold the leash. It aches when I see the empty gray chair in the corner that she always claimed. Most of all it aches when we see little spots of sunshine throughout our house unclaimed.

So to you, our little sunshine pup, farewell! Thanks for teaching us to seek the sunshine, to live vibrantly, to love even when that love is undeserved, to serve willingly and indiscreetly, and to greet the world with excitement! We look forward to the day when you greet us with that excitement in heaven...thanks for letting us be your family.

snapshot of right now

At this very moment across the room from me Callie just stretched and went back to sleep mid-afternoon nap on the couch. Calendars and notebooks are sprawled next to me from going through my schedule and making sure I have everything written down where everyone in my family can see it (and most importantly, where I can see it so it doesn't slip through the cracks. Today is Thursday which means on a typical day I would be moving couches around and sweeping my floor to turn my front room into a dance studio for a 5 handful of 5-6 year olds and later a handful of 7-8 year olds (and tomorrow a bunch of 3 year olds), but today happens to be mommy and me class, so my house remains a house and dance will be held at the church. Two babies are sleeping in their room, tired from pushing chairs around, climbing in and out of their stroller and hanging on my legs during my dance conditioning exercise class this morning. Ellie is sleeping in her room, worn out from 2.5 hours of non-stop fun at storybook preschool pretending to be a frog, eating carrot "bugs" and raisin "Beetles", and being immersed in the brilliance of the classic book "Frog and Toad are Friends". 

In less than an hour, I will have two girls to hug and snuggle, schoolwork to appreciate, questions to pick out of the jar and ask during 10 minutes with mom and instructions to give. I will hear about tag at recess, who had the same crackers in their lunch today, and what songs were learned in music. In nearly two hours my little man will walk through the door and I will hug him and ask him whether he caught any passes or scored any touchdowns during the football games at recess that he so enjoys. He will tell me about after-school chorus and whether he got the homework he forgot to take this morning that I dropped off for him at school earlier today. 

And then we will all load up and head to dance. Brynn will go first, then Chloe and Morgan's class. Hopefully Seth will be there (with pizza in the car for dinner) to pick up the littles while I stay and dance with Morgan and Chloe since the babies will demand Mom the minute Morgan leaves them to join his ballet class. After dance, we will munch up pizza and baby carrots for dinner while homework is worked on, book report projects are finished up, spelling words reviewed and piano practiced.

We will swish some babies into their beds, read a stack of books, say a bunch of prayers, give a bunch of hugs and kisses and lock a couple of doors from the outside. And then it will be (mostly) quiet again...in between reminders to stop chit chatting and pretending and go to sleep. I will pick up some ingredients for funeral potatoes that are to be delivered tomorrow afternoon, balance our checkbook and pay bills, Seth will finish his charting and hopefully we will fit in some mindless tv watching and chat a bit before collapsing into bed ourselves, exhausted from the whirlwind of it all, to rest up for the start of a different but very similar whirlwind tomorrow. 

Lately I have been so busy doing all of these things and feeling utterly overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of how much has to happen every.single.day, that it has made me sick {quite literally - I am struggling to recover from a cold/flu virus I got over two weeks ago}. So this afternoon, I sat in the quiet and thought about what I could do to feel rejuvenated so I could take on the rest of the day without feeling exhausted just thinking about it. I decided to write it....record it so that I could remember this moment: the eye of the storm, and as I did, I was filled with joy. It seems so overwhelming when you are just going through the motions to survive the day, but when I started thinking about all the beautiful little things that come from the many many tasks, I just felt overwhelmed with gratitude. I am so grateful to have a body that can lift and lug. I am grateful for a house with space to host dance classes. I am grateful for a wonderful school where my kids can learn and play and excel. I am grateful for kind and caring friends that have crossed my path throughout the day. I am grateful for technology that keeps track of all the things my brain cannot. I am grateful for a husband who goes to work every day to provide for our family so I have a budget to balance and gas in my car and this lovely bag of baby carrots sitting next to me to munch on. I am grateful that I have the energy and means to serve and that people don't hesitate to call when help is needed. I am grateful for kids who love life...who find the joy in every little bit of it. I am grateful for the slobbery kisses and the sweaty hugs and the excited anticipation in their voices as they recount the day. I am grateful for the piles of books all over my house that are evidence of many many many moments snuggled and reading together. Truly this life is so filled with joy! I am so glad to think that the life I have been given is the one that will bring me the most lasting joy...and your life is the one that will bring you the most lasting joy. What a blessing it is to live on this earth! 

Hope the snippet of your life today is overflowing with joy! Happy Thursday!

Brynn's first day of Preschool

These are from August 2013 when Brynn started preschool. Love this girl and all her silliness...even if she didn't look at the camera once!

Newborn Pictures

My amazingly talented friend took the most gorgeous newborn photos of my babies in her studio. She captured them so beautifully and I love her to pieces for it! Check out her work (it is all amazing, but be warned that you will probably want to have another baby after you visit her site) at www.jenniferbphotography.com.

 

Remembering

Today is 9 months since Lincoln and Ryder were born. I am determined to get caught up on organizing pictures and making sure I know which baby is which, and as I have been sorting through tonight, I am more in love with those two little boys than ever. I am so glad that somewhere in the fog of newborn twins, I got out my camera and captured some everyday moments with them.

Like how tiny their little arms and legs were...

and the gorgeous little fuzz that covered their bodies and collected in a little whisp on their shoulders...

and, of course, the way they seemed to communicate with each other in their own little best buddy way, even before they were a month old.

 

Thank you exhausted new-Mama self, for taking these pictures in your sleep-deprived state.

So thankful for these boys and all the love and joy they brought with them 9 months ago.

xoxoxo