Boy oh Boy!

The verdict is in and there are 2 little boys on the way! The kids have known all along...and even been announcing it to people ever since we told them about a baby on the way, but we were skeptical. I had completely resigned myself to the fact that they were going to be little girls because the last two times hoping for boys had resulted with girls, and I had gotten used to the idea. Truly, I was happy with either. Little girls are fun and dramatic and emotional, but you get to dress them up in pink and ruffles and dresses and bows and tutus and all sorts of sparkly fun. Little boys are rambunctious, and messy and physical, but they are easily entertained, even-tempered, low maintenance and generally easier to manage in my experience (or maybe Morgan is just a little gem).

this is a 3D image of their two heads nuzzled together, baby B is in front 

sucking his thumb and reaching out to touch baby A who is head down.

We are thrilled to have babies dressed and snuggled in blue again, and for Morgan to finally have those brothers he has been praying for since before Brynn was born. I am excited to have a little bit of the stress lifted on our wedding fund planning, and to replace it with a food budget for the years of having two teenage boys at once, not to mention simultaneous missions. I am so excited for little boy clothes and shoes and for the ease of getting them dressed in the morning. I am relieved that I won't have to blow dry 5 heads of hair in addition to my own each morning and excited to build train tracks and hear sound effects coming from the play room. Of course, we have very little baby boy stuff left after all these years (and moves), so it will expensive, but kind of fun to start from scratch for these little guys. All in all, we are so excited for little boys!

And while I am definitely excited, I find myself unexpectedly mourning the fact that there will be no more baby girls. No more pink blankets filling the closet, no more newborn bracelets or blessing dresses, no more tiny bows glued on newborn heads with gel, no more tiny tutus and pettiskirts. I started going through the clothes that Ellie has outgrown and found myself with tears in my eyes unable to part with a few little outfits that I know we will never use again, but that are so precious to me even with their stains and faded colors. I am sure that part of it is pregnancy hormones, but every so often I look at my little Ellie, who is getting more and more grown up each day and I cry that I will never have a little girl this age again. I make her snuggle me for an extra long time before I put her in her crib to sleep so I can try with all my might to soak it all in and not let it pass me by and be forgotten. I am glad she is such a snuggler because she puts up with it and even offers up snuggles and hugs at random followed by a great big giggle and grin of pride because she knows how I love it.

 Baby B profile with baby A's hand reaching into the shot

 Baby A's profile and hand

But, it isn't just baby girls that I am mourning...it is this beautiful chapter of our lives that is ending. Never again will I see a little pink plus sign on a pregnancy test, never again will I hear that very first heartbeat on the doppler and never again will I anticipate whether our little one is a boy or a girl. And while I have no question that this is the end of babies for us and no question that these two little ones will complete our family perfectly and no question that I don't ever ever ever want to go through this whole pregnancy thing again, these experiences have shaped our lives so much over the past 8 years that it is bittersweet to be approaching the end of this chapter of our lives. I am surprised at how sentimental I am about it though, and I'm certain it will only get worse as the little boys arrive and each of their firsts are our very lasts. I think I am starting to understand how hard it is for moms to let their youngest kids grow up. Ultimately, I am so grateful for my family. I have been richly blessed, and I realize it more and more every day. Each of my children is so strong and so caring and so unique and I know that if I can just provide them with the gospel, discipline, values and love they need, they have great things to accomplish in this world. I often wonder if I am really up for the challenge of raising them, and then I remember that I am not doing it alone. Where I fail, Seth fills in the gaps, and any difference that remains, Heavenly Father makes up.