We briefly interrupt this happy family blog…

SEE UPDATE BELOW

For some serious reflections about Motherhood.

Yesterday I read a post by an old friend of mine about an unrelated topic, but in it she mentioned motherhood. I commented my thoughts on the subject, but have been thinking more about it since. So instead of using her blog as a sounding board for my thoughts (sorry for already doing that…I should have just posted them here in the first place), I am instead going to share them with you. I don’t do this to get it off my chest or out of my head, I do it because I think it is important and I hope, if nothing else,

that you will know that I am a woman who stands up for what I value.

 

I am a mother, and not just a mother, a stay-at-home mother. I have a college education, a great resume and I had a really great job which I chose to leave to become a stay-at-home mother. Why?

Because I value motherhood as a noble and important “profession”. And, I bet that most people would say they agree that it is a noble and important profession...even so much as to say one of the hardest jobs out there. But the world we live in (including many people who agree with the previous statement) does not truly value motherhood. I know this because success in the world is not judged by how decent or hard working your children are, how many hours you held them in your arms reading them stories and calming their fears or how many times you told them and showed them you loved them. Success in the world does not consider the influence you have had in building self-confidence or teaching respect not only to your own children but to their friends and neighbors. It isn’t determined by the fact that you taught your children values and decency and integrity.

And I can’t help but wonder, WHY NOT?

I have commonly heard the notion that responsible individuals should base their decision of how many children to have on how many they can support financially and that they should wait to have children until they can support them (on their own with no assistance). True…we should all strive to be self-sufficient. But you know what, parenting isn’t about providing luxuries for your children. It isn’t about being able to enroll them in an expensive preschool or drive a brand new SUV or make sure they can take dance and gymnastics and art and soccer and baseball…it is about sacrifice! You will find a way to get by on what you have if you really try whether you have no kids or 10 kids…and if you can’t…we as a nation should absolutely stand behind and support parents because it is hands down the most important job on this earth!!

Since support in this world of ours is only "really" support when it is backed financially, think about what our world would be like if we stopped subsidizing all of the crap we subsidize as a nation and started subsidizing mothers so that they could stay home with their children. I am not here to suggest that this is the solution to the world’s problems, but if there were a govt. funding program that supported mothers so they could be home with their children, I would be for it because it would tell mothers that their job is important and valuable and it would open the door for them to be a lot better and more successful at it (unwed teenage mothers included)!

I would like to live in a world where every mother was enabled to stay home with her child(ren)…I know that it would be a heck of a lot better than the selfish world we live in now. If every child had a mother who fed them regularly, let them get the sleep they need, who showed them they loved them, who read to them, who played with them, who was there when they got home from school, I guarantee that it would eliminate many of the evils in this world. Gangs, drugs, lack of education, violence, promiscuity, crime and so many other of the ills of society could be addressed by placing REAL value on motherhood (sure there are exceptions to this rule…but just think about it)! But instead the message we send our mothers is…you can do it all, you can have it all, and if you want to be comfortable in this life, you better work outside the home or have a really rich husband!

I feel extremely fortunate to be a stay at home mom, and I am absolutely in no way suggesting that it is the perfect situation for everyone, nor am I being insensitive to the fact that sometimes that just isn’t possible even if it is wished for, wanted and valued. I am also not suggesting that it is bad to try and juggle a job and kids if that is the best thing for your situation. But I can tell you that if I had to choose between going back to work full time or getting an (even) smaller house or driving a clunky car or cutting more coupons or shopping at the DI for my kids clothes or (gasp!) going on food stamps…I will tell you I would do all of those things because I don’t think that I can do my job as a mother well enough on weekends, holidays and a few hours when I get home from work on weekdays. I have done both, and I will tell you that I need to be in my home teaching my children, loving my children, and leading my children so that they can go out and make this world a better place to be. I seek opportunities to contribute to my family financially, but that can't be at the expense of my real job…motherhood!

Some of you may agree with me and some of you may not and that is okay! I feel like we need to stand up for what we believe, whatever that is! I hope I have not said anything that would cause you to take offense and I welcome your comments about this. I believe that as each of us stand up and speak out for what we believe and talk about the things we value and consider points of view other than our own through open and honest discussion we come to beautiful solutions that can literally change the world! That is the American spirit, that is what our founding fathers fought for and that is what makes our nation so great!

And finally…if you didn’t enjoy this post…no worries, you can still keep reading because the next one will be back to happy family happenings and lots of cute pictures! Promise!

UPDATED 2/13 - Just to make sure I am clear, because I don't want to be misunderstood about this...if you are not a stay at home mom because of choice or circumstance, I do not think that means you are any less of a mother. We each have to choose what is right for our families and unfortunately we don't live in a world where every woman who wants to stay home is able to. So many wonderful women I know have found creative ways to balance family and work and I admire them for it. Other women have inspired me by the way they cherish and make the most of every second they have with their children because they have no choice but to work. And finally, those of you out there (who I am blessed to call friends), who have made and continue to make very significant sacrifices to be a stay-at-home-mom, I want to tell you how wonderful you are! It is a hard job! It takes strength spiritually, emotionally, and physically to get through the day with young child(ren) who rely on you and defy you and test your patience and demand your attention. There are many days when I wish that I could go to work or clock out for a 15 minute break, but I draw strength from your examples, so thank you and keep up the good work!

No matter what your situation, I hope that you value family and that you stand up for the importance of family and that you speak up when its importance is diminished or questioned and that you cherish your family and make them the top priority that they should be!
I am not perfect at this (not even close) but I am trying, because I believe that if we speak up for what we believe, we can inspire change!