public places

I wanted to get on here and post something a little lighter than my last post since it was a little out of character for my optimistic self. Yesterday, I even told Seth that I am actually really liking Portland...missing everyone, but liking the city in general. But, in light of today's happenings, this post is not happier than my last post. It is just a real, honest post about the crappiness of my life today.

Today actually started out pretty good. We got ready, made the 20 minute drive from where we live now to the city where we will live next week (woo hoo) to get some stuff done. We ordered our new front load washer and dryer with steam (yippee - so excited about them...thanks to all who chimed in on my FB post with recommendations) without causing too much chaos in the store (considering how long we were there). We had gummy bears for a reward when we got back to the car and then headed to the kids' new school for Chloe's Pre-Kindergarten (4 year-old preschool) orientation. Her teacher is going to be great...although nobody is as awesome as Miss Fidge...and the class is 8 other 4-year-old girls and 1 boy (they only take 10 kids), so she will be in heaven! The other parents were so nice and I am excited to get to know them! The kids were a little unruly which was a little stressful for me...running around in the gym and when we went outside and Brynn was talking when the teacher was giving us the rundown on how things will go, so we had a talk afterward on the way to grab lunch about how to act when your teacher is talking. ;)

After eating a quick bite in the car while I fed Ellie in the front seat, we headed in to "New family orientation"...basically a presentation by the principal about how things run at the school for families who are new to the school/area. I was excited for it because there really is a lot to learn as a parent when you are taking your kids to a new school. We were 30 minutes early because I had the wrong time in my brain so we went out to the playground while we waited (as suggested by the principal who was in the room preparing). We eventually made our way back in, found a seat, introduced our family to the principal and told her our story, found out Morgan's teacher's name, and read some books while other families made their way in. By the time the principal started it was well into Brynn's naptime and she was being cranky. She wanted to get up, she wanted to get down, she wanted me to read a book, she wanted to tell me about things in the book, she wanted to get a different book. All of this would probably have been fine, but she doesn't know how to whisper (despite my efforts to teach her) and she rebels by raising the volume of her voice when you say "no" to her, so she was being kind of loud. Ellie was almost asleep, so I was rocking her in her car seat to get her to sleep and trying to keep Brynn's volume down, but about halfway into the presentation, the principal stopped, came over to our table and said (not quietly), "I think it would be better if you took the kids out to the playground and I will fill you in all this information later". I was mortified. So, I tried to shuffle the 3 kids out as quietly as possible without bursting into tears while toting Ellie in her car seat, a huge bag filled with Morgan's school supplies, and my purse through a library so full of people it was standing room only. It took us a good 5-10 minutes just to get out of the room. I have never been so mortified in my life (and I have had a lot of blonde moments in my life, so that is saying a lot).

We got out the door and I was debating leaving and never coming back or actually going to the stupid playground...again, when the sweetest 6th grade teacher came and pretty much told me she was taking Chloe and Brynn to her classroom and that Morgan and Ellie and I should go back in so we could hear all of the information. I tried to refuse, but she already had the girls on their way up the stairs. Walking back in the room was equally awful, but Morgan and Ellie were quiet the whole time so we attracted as little attention as possible. Then we toured the school and I couldn't find the room where the girls were, so I had to ask other teachers if they knew where "a 6th grade teacher who took my little girls to her room during the orientation" was. "Oh, that was you?" they asked (very sympathetically and seeming embarrassed that the principal did that to me), but it still made me feel worse. Yep...I am the crappy mother with unruly kids. But, did I mention that we moved here 3 weeks ago? How about the fact that I know a total of 2 people here and my kids are nervous about making friends? Or what about the fact that all 6 of us are living in a 3 bedroom apartment with no yard to run around in and no space to ourselves? Maybe I forgot to mention that we are moving AGAIN in 7 days or that I commuted 20 minutes to get here and spent my whole day going to these orientations to try and be involved in my childrens' education?

As if that wasn't bad enough, the horror continued as I had to walk through the halls where everyone recognized me as "that poor mom" to get to Morgan's class. Things were much better in his classroom. Brynn was having a complete meltdown and was throwing a fit that she didn't have a desk or cubby to organize (or a bed and a blankie to take a dang nap), but once we got her some paper and crayons, calmed down. Morgan had taken one shoe and his colored pencils out of his school supply bag, so we were missing stuff that needed to be organized, but his teacher was great about it. She was so so sweet and kind and FUN! I am excited for him. One of the wonderfully sweet parents from Chloe's class had a 1st grade boy in Morgan's class too, so we were excited to see some familiar faces! Morgan felt much better too, once his new class was no longer "unknown". So, overall, I think school is going to be great here as long as don't have to deal with the principal ever much. And I can honestly say that in 2 years of preschool, 13 of grade school and 4 of college, I have never been so excited to get out of school as I was today.


*disclaimer: I, in no way, mean to suggest that my kids' behavior was acceptable today or any time I have taken them out in public in the recent weeks. Each of them are trying to adjust to new surroundings, not sleeping, having a change in diet and eating schedules, are completely off of a schedule and are acting out as a result. Unfortunately, I am also not well rested and my patience is pretty much shot, so my follow-through has been lackadaisical at best. I feel that settling down in a more permanent place will be a turning point for us, but in the meantime I am trying to do what I can to get them back to a more regular schedule. I would LOVE any suggestions you have for dealing with volatile personalities (Brynn), helping kids adjust to a move, getting back on a schedule or things you do to keep kids quiet. :)

perspective

It is funny how quickly perspective can change. Things you considered little suddenly seem so big when you have a tiny little newborn around.

Brynn has been our baby girl for almost 2 and a half years, but since Ellie joined our family, she just seems so grown up. I look at her and see a silly girl with lots of personality and opinions of her own. She has adjusted to this role as "big sister" seamlessly and with so much love. Today she got to be one of the "big kids" and go see Kung Fu Panda 2 in the theater with Grandma and Grandpa and she loved it! She is constantly making us laugh with her silly sayings and her knock knock jokes (knock knock who's there? interrupting cow interrupting cow who? moooo!) and her silly faces. She wants to dress herself and undress herself and sit on the potty and give our guests hugs and kisses before they leave and buckle her own car seat. She is so upset that she doesn't get to be in swimming lessons like the big kids and lets me know every five minutes during their lessons. And while I am so proud of her for being such a big girl, I still love it when she wraps up in her softy blanket, snuggles up in my lap or sucks her thumb because no matter how big she gets, she will always be my baby girl!

momma-snuggles

While the kids went to church with Seth on Sunday, I stayed home to snuggle with my baby girl. I set the camera up and clicked my remote every so often in hopes that I would capture a picture or two of our new everyday and just how much I love this sweet little girl. And despite the fact that I much prefer to be behind the camera (even on a good day, much less a 4 days post-partum day), I was surprised to find a few images that made my mommy heart smile.

this is as close as I think I will ever get to "bottling" that newborn baby smell

thoughts from a new {again} mommy

Ellie is 5 days old today and I am feeling...

hungry all.the.time
emotional in an i-love-life-so-much-it-overflows-right-out-of-my-tear-ducts kind of way
happy to be able to snuggle kids on my lap again
a little giddy every time I bend over and can still breathe
full of milk...ouch. How do I forget that this will happen every time I have a baby?
so happy to be able to sleep on my stomach again
smitten every time I see that cute little newborn face
the urge to squish baby cheeks all day long
still hungry...are there any more ice cream sandwiches in the freezer?
like I should avoid wearing lipstick for the next 6 months unless I want to keep wiping it off of Ellie's fuzzy little forehead
so thankful for my grown-up little boy...and my mostly grown-up girl...and my silly little girl
worried about surviving when Seth leaves for three days of out-of-state interviews this week
lots and lots of love
not so happy about the still-huge state of my post baby body

so in love with my husband
energized...and yet surprisingly content to sit back and do nothing but feel the expansion and collapse of a little chest on mine
hungry, hungry, hungry...and thirsty
skinny enough that maybe my "post-baby" wardrobe will fit and I can put away the maternity clothes...nope, sure can't...that was depressing

happy that Ellie brought the spring sunshine with her from heaven :)
motivated to capture the little pieces that make up our life right now...teeny diapers...itty bitty fingers...kisses from big sisters...endless requests to "hold baby sissy"...swimming lessons...piles of books on the coffee table...wet swimming suits on the bathroom floor
completely unmotivated to turn on the computer
content that the beauty of family outweighs all that is not good in this world

but mostly, I feel as if our family is just a little more complete. I wondered before she was born, how she would fit in with this little family of ours. Everything was so perfect it seemed...3 buddies...3 unique personalities...lots of independence...lots of helping each other...lots of fun and laughter and silliness...and lots of love. But again, a sweet new little life has filled voids I didn't know existed and multiplied love exponentially. What a beautiful blessing she is!

And right this very second, despite the emotional tears in my eyes from writing the thoughts of my mommy heart, my body and my baby are both letting me know that it is time for a feeding. I think I better grab a string cheese first...

and they all lived happily ever after

This week marked graduation and the first week back to Seth's normal work schedule (3 - 12 hour shifts and 4 days off - heaven). He worked Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and we had him home Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

In essence, I have had a perma-grin on my face since Thursday and a whole lot of mental reality checks wondering if I am dreaming. So many pieces of the puzzle are still working themselves out: house still for sale, interviews still happening, waiting for the word about whether I get to join Seth at his conference, etc. BUT the only thing that really matters to us right now is time. Much needed time together as a family. Time to play and work and dream together. We have been filling our days with fun and adventure...just like it should be! In four short days, we have had picnic lunches, fed the ducks, played on the slip n' slide, planted our veggie garden, weeded the flower beds, ridden bikes and roasted hot dogs on the fire pit. We have been grilling corn on the cob and watching movies, piling into our bed in the morning for snuggles, tickles, and soaking in the happiness of spending time together. We have colored with sidewalk chalk and blown bubbles and given lots of hugs and kisses.

Even though we haven't even gotten to the part about enjoying the fruits of the labor of the past few years, we are enjoying the sweeter fruits of appreciating each other more than we ever could have before. To me, happily ever after isn't a state of perfection, it is a state of love and I am so happy to be enjoying our happily ever after!

I hope that you are enjoying the sweetness of your own Happily Ever After on this beautiful Mother's Day!

What a month

March is almost over and what a month it has been! When I posted the adorable picture of my little girlies, Brynn had just gotten over the stomach flu. Luckily, the worst of it was during the 2 days that Seth was home because he was in between clinical-rotations. But the day after our photo shoot, she got a cough. The next day the cough turned a little wheezy and it was keeping her up at night and during her naps. The next day was a Saturday. She woke up with a slight fever, so Seth gave her motrin before heading off to work. She perked up and seemed to be doing better and Morgan had a busy day of birthday parties, so I loaded everyone in the car and we ran errands in between all the picking up and dropping off at birthday parties.

By the time we picked Morgan up from the last party, Brynn was burning up, coughing like crazy and didn't want to do anything but have me hold her little body close to mine. I called Seth at work and we decided it would be best to take her into an Urgent Care. The Urgent Care doctor suggested I take her up to the Primary Children's Hospital ER immediately where they would most likely admit her and keep her overnight because it was very likely that she had RSV.

None of my kids have ever had to go to the ER and the stress of the day, combined with my pregnant hormones, and feeling completely overwhelmed at the thought of doing it all alone, I completely broke down and burst into tears. My sweet mother-in-law was happy to take the older kids and endure my breakdown on the phone, so I dropped Morgan and Chloe off there and headed up to the hospital with little miss Brynn. Seth called when I was almost to the parking lot to let me know he was able to get off of his shift early and that he was heading up to the hospital. I could not have been more thankful for my sweet husband at that moment, who knew that I really needed his support even though I hadn't told him or subjected him to my sobbing breakdown. There was no wait in the ER, so they took us right back and checked her. She was such a trooper. She did everything they asked her to do and smiled and told everyone thank you and waved goodbye any time someone left the room. After Seth got there, they did an RSV swab and she completely freaked out. Unfortunately, that was followed by an albuterol treatment and it took me, Seth and the respiratory therapist to keep the mask on her. She is definitely a determined little thing. It completely wore her out, though and she fell asleep on Seth after she calmed down.

They took a chest x-ray and found that she possibly had pneumonia as well, and her RSV swab came back positive. She was happily drinking the gatorade juice box they gave her, her fever had normalized and she was so cheerful that they decided to start her on a 2 day sterroid treatment and send us home with albuterol treatments. On the way home from the hospital she was loopy from the sterroid...she pointed to every random thing she saw and said, "Look Mom, a _______" (window, rain drop, house, car, etc. etc.). It was kind of hilarious, because I have never seen her like that before.

She slept well Saturday night and Sunday morning she woke up with energy, a low fever which was easily managed with Motrin, and drinking and eating whatever we gave her. But, within 2 hours of giving her the morning albuterol treatment, she was struggling to breathe so much that you could see her little rib cage every time she took a breath and seeming like she needed another treatment. I called the hospital to see if I could just give the treatments closer together, and they told me that I needed to wait the full 4 hours and if she was consistently needing them more frequently to bring her back to the ER. Throughout the day, she continued to get worse. We had my little brothers over for dinner, and Brynn took a short nap after we went for a walk to the playground, but woke up pale and clammy and struggling so hard to breathe that she was exhausted. After giving her the 2nd sterroid dose for the day and seeing no improvement, we decided it would be best to take her back in.

This time I took her blankie and sippy cup, just in case we ended up staying so she had some comfort objects in the waiting room because they were much busier that night. After we got her into a room, the Dr. told me right away that I should plan on staying for the night because the home treatment was just not enough for her. They gave her a triple dose albuterol treatment which she fought and fought (it was more than 20 minutes long, so both she and I were exhausted by the end), and took some blood tests and started her on an IV to get her hydrated.

She was such a good sport...she didn't try to pull at her IV and she left her vitals monitor on and she didn't even fuss when they took her blood pressure. Once I knew we were going to be admitted, Seth's brother came to hang out at our house and Seth came up to the hospital with sweats for me and some books and treats for Brynn. They finally admitted us to the Rapid Care Unit and once we were settled Seth headed home to sleep so he could get the kids off to school in the morning. I "slept" with Brynn in her hospital bed  for 2 hours at a time (hello - I am not ready for a newborn!) in between giving her albuterol treatments, forcing (literally...she tried to spit it out every time) medicine down her throat and feeling extremely uncomfortable in my big and pregnant state. They had to do the albuterol treatments about every 2 hours and ended up placing her on oxygen because she kept dipping so low when she was sleeping.

The next morning she was feeling cheery and energetic again, but still had to be on the oxygen. The doctor said we could reevaluate that night and see how she was doing, but that we would most likely be spending another night in the hospital. We colored and read books and watched movies and ordered "room service".

She was not allowed to leave her room because she was considered high risk, but she was so good about staying in the bed and keeping occupied with stationary activities. After Seth picked the kids up from school, he brought them to visit and have a picnic lunch and to trade shifts. She was so excited to see her siblings! They had to bring us an extender for her oxygen because she just wanted to run around her room and dance and play with them! Morgan and Chloe thought the hospital looked like fun...toy areas (which Brynn couldn't go to), a moving bed, movies, room service smoothies...I had to bring them back to reality by talking about shots and medicine and being stuck in your room, but they still would like their turn to be in the hospital. I, however, would prefer their turns never come. :) They masked Brynn and took her for another chest x-ray to see if there had been any change with the possible pneumonia.

By the time she got back, the big kids were stir crazy, so I shuffled them out of there and took them home.

After dinner, my brother came to put the kids to bed so I could go back up to the hospital and take overnight stuff for Seth. Because Brynn's x-ray came back showing improvement, they called our pediatrician and decided to give us the option of taking her home on oxygen. Since Seth had already missed a day of clinicals and we felt comfortable with the oxygen and the big kids were really needing to regain some stability of having their parents home, we decided to do it. We didn't get home until about 11:30 pm, but it was so nice to sleep in our own bed and Brynn slept like a rock! In the morning we took her to see our pediatrician for a follow-up and she was doing great!

We were able to take her off the oxygen during the day and only have her use it at night and during naps. Within a few days, we were able to eliminate the oxygen altogether. She is doing perfectly now and we are so happy to have our happy, healthy little lady back!

In the midst of it all, we had to start packing our stuff into storage because our new carpet was installed the week Brynn came home from the hospital and my baby brother got his mission call (details about his call and a photo here), and we had all of our family over for Chloe's Birthday (a little early so Michael and Sarah could come while they were in town...I took very few pictures, but she felt so loved and adored so thank you to all of our family who spoiled her to pieces with love and presents). So, it has been truly crazy at our house! But, we have been so blessed with many many willing hands to watch our kids, move furniture between rooms, disassemble furniture, provide us with moving boxes, pick up the kids from school, dinners and offers to bring dinner and many notes and calls of concern and prayers in our behalf. I am certain that we have the most wonderful family and friends and ward you could ask for. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you!!!

Most of all, it was a sweet experience to spend uninterrupted one-on-one time with Brynn. As the third child with a Daddy working and in school and a pregnant Mommy juggling 24/7 motherhood and dabbling in a photography business, it isn't often that I can spend hours snuggling Brynn with no interruptions. I loved snuggling her close to me all night and giggling with her and reading books with her and listening to her tell me all about things. I loved seeing her be polite and obedient and adorable with the hospital staff. I loved discovering how much she LOVES stickers and convincing her that the medicine wasn't so bad if we turned the process into a tea party (the nurses laughed when we had our medicine tea party complete with pinkies up and English accents, but it worked). I was surprised to discover just how OCD Brynn is. I knew she sucked her thumb and liked to snuggle a soft blankie against her face, but I had no idea that she had to bite the blankie first and that there was a very proper order to the timing of the blankie bite, thumb suck, and face rub. I also didn't realize that she would repeat the process until it was done to her liking. She is one who knows what she wants and oh.how.she.wants.to.do.it.herself. Spending that one on one time with her really clued me in to how I can better match my parenting to her personality. Maybe the other kids do need their turn in the hospital...or maybe just some one-on-one mommy dates. :) I think that even the most elaborate mommy dates would be much cheaper than our portion of the hospital stay.

momma kisses

Lately I find myself showering my kiddos with kisses and hugs. Every time their cute little heads are right there next to me, I just can't resist. It is as if there is some magnetic pull at work attracting my puckered lips to the back/top/side/front of their heads or pulling my arms right around their little bodies. I think that part of me just wants them to know how much I love them right now...and in 5 minutes when right now has passed, I want them to know again, in this new moment that I love them so very very much!

This little face in particular draws me in so often. Maybe because I spend the most time with her when the big kids are off at school, or because she is my snuggler and loves to sit in my lap, or maybe because she is at such a wonderfully fun stage of life right now...

tonight she puckered up after her prayer and leaned toward me for her night time kisses...

and then she did it again...

and again...

and again...

and then she opened her arms as wide as she could and said, "hugs!"

So of course I obliged...

and again...

and again...

And as I said my last "love you" for the night and closed the door behind me, I heard her saying,

"I love you! I love you!"

I'm not sure why motherhood isn't considered glamorous

(although I know I definitely don't see the glamour sometimes)

because I don't think I could be happier if I were on a red carpet in a designer gown!

catching up

Now that I am feeling a little more human

and a little less first-trimester-zombie,

I am catching up on things.

Things like...

cleaning my house,

decorating for Christmas,

buying the kids clothes that fit,

rotating summer clothes out of the drawers,

decluttering,

wrapping Christmas presents,

going through pictures,

updating the Project 365 blog!

What? There are updates on the Project 365 blog?

YES, friends! I have finally added some new pictures.

I am now more than halfway through September! Yay!

Today as I added each post to the blog, I got weepy.

Looking at each picture filled me with such emotion.

It is quite unbelievable to think that my little babies are literally growing up right before my eyes,

and yet, until I start looking back, I don't even realize how very quickly it is happening.

The tears flowed freely...partly because each image is so meaningful to me,

partly because of the pregnancy horromones,

and partly because I am so sad that I have not been

diligent in taking pictures every day since the beginning of October.

One could safely say that I have fallen off the wagon.

But I am feeling inspired today.

Inspired to capture those little pieces of life,

because they can't be recreated.

I must get them now or I will never get them back...not even the memory of them.

And I can't stand to lose a second of this sweet life while my babies are babies...

not a second of the tantrums, or the fights in the car,

not a second of the girls getting hard boiled eggs out of the fridge for a snack

only to crack them open and find that they weren't hard boiled after all,

not a second of kids going in to take naps only to hear them enacting some

grandeous storyline for an hour and a half behind their bedroom doors,

not a second of fighting over who gets to do which advent calendar today,

not a second of demanding the boots SHE wants to wear even if they

completely clash with her outfit (yes, all of this has happened in the last 2 days),

not a single second of this beautiful life!

Because in between these moments are the gems:

the sweet  mischevious faces 

and the sweet laughter,

the cuddles that come after time outs

and the delight when daddy gets home and little ones are still awake.

All of it is worth remembering, and loving, and crying about!

All of it is worth sharing and telling,
so I am making it a priority again.
Check out the project 365 blog for all of the pictures above and more,
and come back here soon for some of the more recent stuff,
like, oh, I don't know, how about Halloween...
or maybe we will just skip right to Christmas!

where there is great responsibility

Last week was the most beautiful weekend of fall. Not because of the changing leaves or the cool breezy weather or the smell of fall (though all of that was wonderful too), but because it was general conference for my church. I write about it every 6 months because it is always so inspiring to me, but if you are not familiar with general conference, it is 2 days (4 sessions + 1 for men only) of talks by leaders of our church giving us guidance, hope and tools to strengthen us in our resolve to live our religion more fully. The talks, as they always are, were inspiring and uplifting and beautiful.

Over the past week, 2 things have weighed hevily on my mind. First, because of teachings shared in one talk from general conference, my religion has been attacked publicly, very personally, and even by those of my own faith. I have tossed and turned at night, read countless articles and information and stewed about the attacks. While I do not want to get into the details of the debate here on my blog and feed any more controversy, I feel a deep responsibility to proclaim my feelings. I am proud to be an American! I am grateful for freedom of speach and freedom of religion. To those who feel differently from me, I am so grateful that I live in a country where that is respected/tolerated/appreciated! Sadly, I feel that this very controversy is threatening MY right as an American to listen to a conference for my own religion and be taught principles that are key to that religion. I have a right to learn my own faith, I have a right to teach my own faith to my children, and I have a right to live my religion (which happens to teach love and tolerance and respect for people who do not agree with it). I live this religion to the best of my abilities: I am not perfect, but I teach my children what is right. I teach them to have faith in God. I teach them that the scriptures hold eternal truths and that they should read and study them. I teach them that every person on this earth is a child of God and that he loves them. I teach them to respect differences and to love people - whether or not they believe as we do. I wish that people could respect my right to do so without applying a degrading label (which is completely unfounded, should you care to actually study our beliefs) to me or my church leaders. Disagreement and respect can and should cooexist and I will defend that! I will defend my right to learn and practice religion as I so choose. I will defend the right of every human being to be treated with love and respect - and not just those of the minority, but those of the "majority" as well. That is all I have to say about this, for now. I, of course, have strong opinions regarding the issue on debate, so if you want to hear them, feel free to send me an email, and I will be happy to share! ;)

Second, I feel an overwhelming responsibility to teach my children what is right! This world we live in has so much good, and I am quick to look for the good and ignore the bad, but I feel such a need to teach my children how to seek out the good and stay far from the bad! Their minds are little sponges that soak up everything around them...and while that has been wonderful as they have spent their days in the safety of my home, it scares me to death as they venture out into the world of school and making friends and making choices. I worry for them, I pray for them and I hope that what I have taught them stays with them. I want to swoop in and protect them from influences that can change the course of their whole lives, I want to swoop in and guide them to be kind to everyone. I want to swoop in and remind them to show respect and appreciation to their teachers. But I know that they must make these decisions on their own. It is a great responsibility to teach children to avoid evil in our society (particularly when society readily accepts so much of what I think is evil), but I will do it, because I know that where there is great responsibility, there are great rewards!

this morning I woke up...

to a cell phone ring.

it was my next door neighbor

I didn't make it to my cell phone in time, but when I saw the name on the missed call, I knew.

So I ventured out in the backyard looking for a very curious little 5 year old boy.

I didn't see him in the yard and I didn't see a little black doggie.

So I went, fingers crossed, down into his bedroom.

No boy, no dog, no ripped window screens (whew!).

So, embarassed and feeling like the worst mother ever, I returned to the back yard, and yelled over the fence. Sure enough, one little boy and one black doggy came climbing back through a hole in the fence.

Immediately one little boy and one black doggy were banished to the couch for a lecture.

"Why shouldn't I go outside, mom? I had Callie with me."

"Well, Morgan, what if (neighbor's name inserted here) wanted to still be asleep right now and you are in his yard making a bunch of noise?"

"It was fine mom, he was watching a movie."

"How do you know that? Did you go in his house?"

Out of sheer humiliation, I did not call the neighbor back to apologize.

A few minutes ago, he called to make sure Morgan had made it home safely and I heard the whole story...

Morgan had followed Callie through the doggy door and my neighbor woke up to a little 5 year old boy peeking over the foot of his bed (not to mention the extra dog).

Half asleep, he told Morgan to go home because his mom would be worrying about him.

A little bit later, Morgan returned to "get Callie" out of the neighbor's house while he was watching the morning news.

Worried that I probably have no idea that Morgan isn't still asleep, neighbor called me...

I went looking...child and dog were found...child and dog were punished.

Child and dog will be punished again.

Apparently my "job" starts before I even know I am supposed to be awake!

a balancing act

For the past few months of learning, considering, researching and finally deciding to officially take on the whole profressional photography gig, I feel like I have been attempting to do a balancing act without any equilibrium. I am LOVING the creative outlet...both the creativity in the photography and exercising my mind on the business side of things, learning like a sponge, and penciling appointments onto my calendar. I love the to do lists and the feeling of victory when something grand is completed to my satisfaction (website, business cards, logo, marketing materials, packaging...). But in finding this creative outlet, I have been missing the boat on good parenting. We have been eating chicken nuggets and cereal and hot dogs and peanut butter sandwiches and little caesar's pizza and spaghetti, if they are really lucky. We have not been to the library to check out books in over a month. My house...suffice it to say I have had to block out a full day for cleaning before we could have people over. Pretty much a whirlwind of craziness.

But, as it always does when I need it, inspiration has come in the most unexpected places. I am finding some balance...and remembering to put things in perspective and keep my priorities in line. I remember why flyLady is so awesome...and why I really REALLY need to stay on track with that! I remember how much energy and life comes into me when my house is clean...all the time. I remember how important it is to just spend quiet time doing nothing. I remember how happy I feel when I get Morgan to school on time...and when I am the first one there for pick-up so he doesn't have to wait a single second for me. I remember how much better my body feels when I cook a real dinner every night (ok...leftovers or cereal one night a week is still good). I remember how important it is to turn off the computers, put away the homework and the studying, and the website, and the forums, and facebook, and email and blogs and just snuggle up to my sweatheart and watch a great movie. I remember how much I need order and schedule and how it is only freeing to throw it all out the window for a day if it is there all the other days to get me back on track! I remember how easy folding laundry is when you do it one load at a time (and when it isn't winter!!!).

Yesterday, I decided to make a change. I wrote down the schedule, made a commitment to myself, talked to the kids about it and set some new rules. We worked together to get the house clean...really clean. I gave myself some "working hours" and figured out how to do what needs to be done on my terms. I think I need to do this about once a month...because I forget!

Today, I followed the schedule (mostly). We slept in...because today is the first day of in between semester break for Seth, got our garden patch ready for planting, put away the folded laundry, played games, read books, kept the kitchen clean, kept the house clean, did the work that needed to be done, and now Seth and I are sitting opposite each other typing away on our laptops...not by default, but because WE decided to put that in the schedule for tonight. 

Motherhood is a balancing act...life is a balancing act.

And when there is balance, I feel more joy, I feel more peace, I feel more control, I feel more empowered, I feel more fulfilled, and I feel more productive.

I love this scripture today:

D&C 88:119

Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God.

whaaat????

a blog post with pictures?

I know, pretty awesome right!

I looove these kids! I am trying to make time to "just love them" every day.

We have started a new thing around here.

3 hugs and a kiss...with something great about them with each hug.

Morgan just eats it up. He loves the praise.

Chloe mostly loves giving the kiss just like whatever princess she happens to be that day...

I think she has seen too many princess movies!

I am finding that I love the cuddles and I love the positive time telling each child that

I love them to pieces.

Anyway...

here is my great big 5 year old birthday boy!

He is just a delight! He says the funniest things and does the silliest things and is just bubbling over with personality lately. I love how he tells secrets and covers his mouth to giggle. I love how he gets sippy cups for himself and his sisters. I love how he remembers everything.

Could this picture not be right out of a magazine?

"bunnies for sale"

She is so adoreable...and she loves Grandma's bunnies!

We have been relishing our time with daddy now that the sun stays up a little longer so the kids can too! These kids just can't get enough of their daddy-o!

This little one had an appointment with the ENT today. At her 15 month check up last week we found out that one of her tubes is clogged and that it is affecting her hearing (which is not much of a surprise considering how loud she jabbers away). So, it looks like another ear surgery is in the very near future to get her adenoids removed and her tubes replaced. We are not a bit worried, though. Just looking forward to a happier, healthier litte missy B! 

funny things

At Sunday dinner with my fam a few weeks ago, we were talking about Shrek 4 coming out.

everyone was quiet for a minute and out of the blue,

Chloe says,

"Everyone put your hand in the air and say, 'SHREK 4'!"

If you know me and Seth, you know that she didn't learn that phrase from us...

I was co-oping in preschool a few weeks ago with one of the other moms and she told me,

"When Sylvie tells me about preschool she says, 'Morgan...you know, the funny one...'"

Earlier this week we were talking about Morgan's birthday and who would be coming to his family party,

"No ticklers are allowed at my party!"

And, just in case you are confused...a tickler is anyone who tickles him.

Pretty much all of his uncles are uninvited if that is the case!

Yesterday we were driving along and Morgan said,

"The only tickler who can come to my party is Dad, because I might want to play his iPod."

I am feeling totally overwhelmed with life right now.

The kids had colds last week and I have one this week that has knocked me flat.

I am editing a bunch of graduation pictures and dealing with birthday mayhem.

I now have 2 little girls who are highly overdramatic and have mastered the art of shrieking.

blah, blah, blah, complain, complain...

but these little pieces of humor coming from the mouths of my children get me through the day.

Sadly, I forget most of them before I get a chance to write them down,

so this is just a snippet of the ones I can remember.

I love them and I love their smart little minds and I love their sweet little faces.

And a bit of random love...

I am sitting here next to my little baby boy and wondering who gave him permission to grow up.

He is reading...really reading. h-a-d...haaaddd...had.

All by himself. It is so wonderful!

He started "reading" a long time ago...you know the kind of reading where you recite a book from memory because you have read it so many times.

And then he started sounding out words about a year ago...

but he needed help to actually squish the sounds together into a word.

But in the last week he figured it out and now he can read lots of short words all by himself.

A minute ago he was coloring pictures for me...

pictures of my face next to Seth's face

with the words "mom" and "dad" and hearts all over the place.

Then he brought me a picture of our family:

me and Seth with his hand traced around us like a frame

and Brynn (with a B next to her) and Chloe (with a CLE next to her)

and hearts all around.

He said, "The hearts are to show that I love you."

I don't mean to bore you with random facts or brag about how super-de-duper my kids are,

but I have been trying to look for the good in this little boy

(to try and balance out this mischevious stage he is in),

and I found it! And it is wonderful! And so is he!

***

On a different note, I am pretty lucky to have really wonderful brothers,

and my Mom has always been more like a best friend than a mom,

but I never had a sister.

I always thought it would have been fun to have a sister with whom to share clothes,

and talk about boys, and go shopping and watch chick flicks,

but I never really knew what I was missing until I had 2 girls.

Two little girls with great big hearts who share something special.

They are sisters forever and ever.

And while they bicker and steal each others toys and get overly dramatic because

"she is touching me"

they love each other like crazy!

Today in the car, I saw in the rearview mirror, Chloe reach over to pat Brynn's head and smile at her and I got teary thinking what lucky girls they are to be sisters
and what a lucky girl I am to be their mommy!

I'm nicer on Mondays

It probably seems a little strange to say this, but I think I am nicer on Mondays.

I think it probably has something to do with Sundays.

Maybe it is because Sundays (even though they are busy) remind me what is really important.

Maybe it is because I almost always shed a few tears during church on Sundays.

Maybe it is because we spend time with extended family on Sundays.

Maybe it is because Sunday is Seth's only day off all week.

Maybe it is because that means I get to sit next to him for 2 full hours and hold his hand.

Maybe it is because I like to make treats on Sunday.

Or, maybe it is because I update the picture blog on Sundays forcing me to go through my pictures from the week and enjoy the memories.

But whatever the reason, I am glad it is Monday, because I feel nicer today!

A New To Do

• PLAY individually with each of my children every day

even if...

 you can't remember how long it has been since the kitchen floor was mopped,

you are 2 loads of laundry behind,

you haven't gotten dinner ready and will have to feed the family leftovers...again,

you are still in the middle of making Chloe's pettiskirt and all the materials are still sitting on the couch after more than a week,

Chloe's birthday invites need to be mailed and haven't been designed yet,

a giant project needs your attention,

photos need to be edited, tagged, or backed up

...because chances are, the even if's will still be there when those

three precious bebies

are fast asleep,

busy with school,

would rather hang out with their friends,

don't want to kiss you goodbye,

or are all grown up with families of their own.

I don't need to do it all, I just need to play with my babies

...every day...

because that is what is important right now!

The Escape

I am afraid I have an escape artist on my hands

(and I am not talking about my dog because you already know about that)

Earlier this week I sent Morgan to his room for quiet time.

Our agreement is that he needs to lay quietly in his bed and listen to the Floppy Sleep Game CD for 30 minutes (and he does still fall asleep sometimes!)

and if he is still quietly in his bed when the timer goes off

he gets to play Leapster or any other quiet activities in his room for another hour

(if not, he still plays quietly in his room for the hour, he just doesn't get the Leapster).

Well, during the first 30 minutes he got out my Cricut Machine and was "playing with it"

so when I went down to give him his Leapster, I kind of freaked out.

Last time he "played" with my cricut it cost me $40 to replace what he messed up,

but I thought he had learned his lesson.

Apparently not, so he was in BIG trouble...

no leapster

locked door

and the rest of quiet time would now be "grounded in your room" time

(I told you...I kind of freaked out).

About 20 minutes later, my phone rang.

It was my neighbor who just happened to have the day off work...

"Morgan is over at my house, he says he escaped"

"...escaped?"

"yeah...that's what he told me...thought you'd want to know"

"I'll be right out!"

Out I went and found my 4 year-old hanging out with our neighbor and

feeling pleased as punch with himself for

"escaping"

"How in the world?" I was thinking as I walked down my neighbor's driveway to retreive him...

and then I saw the window.

He had unlocked his (basement) window,

opened the window,

ripped a hole in the screen,

and climbed out.

Yeah, rediculous, and crazy scary, and it just got more crazy scary the more I thought about it!

He sat in time-out for a good hour and a half until dinner

and then after a serious discussion went to bed to await his

"final punishment"

from dad in the morning

(which was really really awful, but it had to be...

it is almost impossible to punish a kid who makes everything fun,

but my mom came up with the idea to send daddy

with the girls, but without Morgan,

on a super fun outing complete with treats.

They went to the zoo and we ran errands

and that sweet little boy couldn't hold back the tears as he watched them go

which broke my heart to pieces - but he got it)!

He hasn't done it since, but don't be surprised if you see bars on my windows soon!

We briefly interrupt this happy family blog…

SEE UPDATE BELOW

For some serious reflections about Motherhood.

Yesterday I read a post by an old friend of mine about an unrelated topic, but in it she mentioned motherhood. I commented my thoughts on the subject, but have been thinking more about it since. So instead of using her blog as a sounding board for my thoughts (sorry for already doing that…I should have just posted them here in the first place), I am instead going to share them with you. I don’t do this to get it off my chest or out of my head, I do it because I think it is important and I hope, if nothing else,

that you will know that I am a woman who stands up for what I value.

 

I am a mother, and not just a mother, a stay-at-home mother. I have a college education, a great resume and I had a really great job which I chose to leave to become a stay-at-home mother. Why?

Because I value motherhood as a noble and important “profession”. And, I bet that most people would say they agree that it is a noble and important profession...even so much as to say one of the hardest jobs out there. But the world we live in (including many people who agree with the previous statement) does not truly value motherhood. I know this because success in the world is not judged by how decent or hard working your children are, how many hours you held them in your arms reading them stories and calming their fears or how many times you told them and showed them you loved them. Success in the world does not consider the influence you have had in building self-confidence or teaching respect not only to your own children but to their friends and neighbors. It isn’t determined by the fact that you taught your children values and decency and integrity.

And I can’t help but wonder, WHY NOT?

I have commonly heard the notion that responsible individuals should base their decision of how many children to have on how many they can support financially and that they should wait to have children until they can support them (on their own with no assistance). True…we should all strive to be self-sufficient. But you know what, parenting isn’t about providing luxuries for your children. It isn’t about being able to enroll them in an expensive preschool or drive a brand new SUV or make sure they can take dance and gymnastics and art and soccer and baseball…it is about sacrifice! You will find a way to get by on what you have if you really try whether you have no kids or 10 kids…and if you can’t…we as a nation should absolutely stand behind and support parents because it is hands down the most important job on this earth!!

Since support in this world of ours is only "really" support when it is backed financially, think about what our world would be like if we stopped subsidizing all of the crap we subsidize as a nation and started subsidizing mothers so that they could stay home with their children. I am not here to suggest that this is the solution to the world’s problems, but if there were a govt. funding program that supported mothers so they could be home with their children, I would be for it because it would tell mothers that their job is important and valuable and it would open the door for them to be a lot better and more successful at it (unwed teenage mothers included)!

I would like to live in a world where every mother was enabled to stay home with her child(ren)…I know that it would be a heck of a lot better than the selfish world we live in now. If every child had a mother who fed them regularly, let them get the sleep they need, who showed them they loved them, who read to them, who played with them, who was there when they got home from school, I guarantee that it would eliminate many of the evils in this world. Gangs, drugs, lack of education, violence, promiscuity, crime and so many other of the ills of society could be addressed by placing REAL value on motherhood (sure there are exceptions to this rule…but just think about it)! But instead the message we send our mothers is…you can do it all, you can have it all, and if you want to be comfortable in this life, you better work outside the home or have a really rich husband!

I feel extremely fortunate to be a stay at home mom, and I am absolutely in no way suggesting that it is the perfect situation for everyone, nor am I being insensitive to the fact that sometimes that just isn’t possible even if it is wished for, wanted and valued. I am also not suggesting that it is bad to try and juggle a job and kids if that is the best thing for your situation. But I can tell you that if I had to choose between going back to work full time or getting an (even) smaller house or driving a clunky car or cutting more coupons or shopping at the DI for my kids clothes or (gasp!) going on food stamps…I will tell you I would do all of those things because I don’t think that I can do my job as a mother well enough on weekends, holidays and a few hours when I get home from work on weekdays. I have done both, and I will tell you that I need to be in my home teaching my children, loving my children, and leading my children so that they can go out and make this world a better place to be. I seek opportunities to contribute to my family financially, but that can't be at the expense of my real job…motherhood!

Some of you may agree with me and some of you may not and that is okay! I feel like we need to stand up for what we believe, whatever that is! I hope I have not said anything that would cause you to take offense and I welcome your comments about this. I believe that as each of us stand up and speak out for what we believe and talk about the things we value and consider points of view other than our own through open and honest discussion we come to beautiful solutions that can literally change the world! That is the American spirit, that is what our founding fathers fought for and that is what makes our nation so great!

And finally…if you didn’t enjoy this post…no worries, you can still keep reading because the next one will be back to happy family happenings and lots of cute pictures! Promise!

UPDATED 2/13 - Just to make sure I am clear, because I don't want to be misunderstood about this...if you are not a stay at home mom because of choice or circumstance, I do not think that means you are any less of a mother. We each have to choose what is right for our families and unfortunately we don't live in a world where every woman who wants to stay home is able to. So many wonderful women I know have found creative ways to balance family and work and I admire them for it. Other women have inspired me by the way they cherish and make the most of every second they have with their children because they have no choice but to work. And finally, those of you out there (who I am blessed to call friends), who have made and continue to make very significant sacrifices to be a stay-at-home-mom, I want to tell you how wonderful you are! It is a hard job! It takes strength spiritually, emotionally, and physically to get through the day with young child(ren) who rely on you and defy you and test your patience and demand your attention. There are many days when I wish that I could go to work or clock out for a 15 minute break, but I draw strength from your examples, so thank you and keep up the good work!

No matter what your situation, I hope that you value family and that you stand up for the importance of family and that you speak up when its importance is diminished or questioned and that you cherish your family and make them the top priority that they should be!
I am not perfect at this (not even close) but I am trying, because I believe that if we speak up for what we believe, we can inspire change!

Miracles DO Happen

Today I threw in the towel.

Morgan has been resisting naps since Christmas and it has been

making our house a pretty frustrating place to be from naptime on.

Well, today, I finally sat down with him and discussed a new plan for naps.

He would have to lay in his bed for 30 minutes and be totally quiet and still.

Then he could play leapster or puzzles or trains or read books or any other quiet thing

in his room

for another hour.

He cooperated.

The timer went off.

I went down to give him his leapster and congratulate him on being so quiet...

and he was fast asleep!

Apparently all I need to do to get him to take a nap is tell him he doesn't have to take one!

A Good Day

picture taken yesterday at Grandma's house...love these guys!

Today...

it might have snowed a little bit

and I might have mentioned to the kids that we could have a pajama day

and they might have gotten really excited

and Chloe might have put her sweats on backwards

and they might still be that way

and the kids might have watched Alphabet Zoo

and then, while I was downstairs doing laundry, put in "The Porter Movie"

(Yes...Banks fam...your Christmas card is a beloved movie around here)

and when I got back upstairs, instead of getting upset that a second movie was in,

I might have gotten a little teary thinking about how much I love these kids

and how much I love days like this

and I might be looking forward to the rest of the day

even if my house is a mess, and today is change the sheets day, and Seth is working,

and I have a two page to-do list...

Yep...that might be our day today...

but I'm too busy hanging out at home in my jammies to say!