Beginnings and Endings

Beginnings and endings make me a little weepy.

A few weeks ago, as we were driving on the freeway, Morgan spotted the great big U on the mountain.

"Look mom it is the U for Utah!"

And the tears started welling in my eyes as the flood of emotion washed over me.

Seth started his 6th of 8 semesters on Monday and has less than one year left. It has been hard. Each day has been a struggle to make it through. It has tried me (and Seth and each of our children) in every way imaginable...testing our endurance and patience and faith and willingness to work hard. The kids have gone days without even seeing daddy...and have made do with a mommy who was on the verge of completely losing it. And it isn't over...the hardest parts are yet to come...and it is scary. This semester is a clinical semester...and the clinicals are long. He has 2 12-14 hour clinical days a week in addition to 3 12-hour work shifts and a couple of online classes. He does have 2 days off in there, which I thought would be nice, but one is for church and one is for homework. And the coming semesters require even more hours in clinicals and hours spent working on his final thesis...it is daunting, to say the least.

But that lovely day looking at the U for Utah, all I could think about was how we have grown. When our endurance was tested we were blessed with loving family and caring friends to buoy us up and give us a break and extend support. When together time has been non-existent, we were blessed with greater love and peace and a feeling of unity in our home. When I have felt like there is no way I can handle one more day of this phase or that behavior, inspiration has come, phases have passed, and I have been strengthened to make it through.

That lovely day, I couldn't help but recognize all of this "trial" for the blessing it has been. I felt a little bittersweet thinking that it will soon be behind us...and that we will have to work so much harder to embrace those traits that seem to come so easily when life demands it.

Seth may not agree...I know he is looking forward to playing with the kids, to traveling on whatever schedule we want instead of on a weekend in between semesters, to nights that aren't consumed with homework and case studies, to getting paid for ALL of the hours he is away from our family instead of paying to spend those hours away, to sleeping in every once in a while, to time to do the things we love together - hiking, snowshoeing, camping, and evening walks. He is an amazing man...I could not be more blessed when it comes to the man I married.

Not only did this past week mark the start of a semester for Seth, but also the last full week of preschool for Morgan. Again, the tears welled as I drove him to school on Thursday. I will miss the sweet smile when he jumps in my car from a fun day at preschool and tells me everything that happened. I will miss my days of co-oping and feeling completely exhausted when I get home only to be extra grateful for the opportunity when I hear Morgan say, "thank you that mommy got to come to my preschool class" that night in his prayers. I will miss the sign in sheet and the kisses at the door every morning. But it will be good. He is excited for kindergarten....so excited I don't know how he will make it through the summer!

All in all, it is a blessed life we have. The days are long, but the years seem to go by so fast...too fast. I am grateful for the beginnings and the endings. I am grateful for the emotions that accompany them, because they remind me that this life is sweet and that the hard stuff is worth it. So very worth it!