public places

I wanted to get on here and post something a little lighter than my last post since it was a little out of character for my optimistic self. Yesterday, I even told Seth that I am actually really liking Portland...missing everyone, but liking the city in general. But, in light of today's happenings, this post is not happier than my last post. It is just a real, honest post about the crappiness of my life today.

Today actually started out pretty good. We got ready, made the 20 minute drive from where we live now to the city where we will live next week (woo hoo) to get some stuff done. We ordered our new front load washer and dryer with steam (yippee - so excited about them...thanks to all who chimed in on my FB post with recommendations) without causing too much chaos in the store (considering how long we were there). We had gummy bears for a reward when we got back to the car and then headed to the kids' new school for Chloe's Pre-Kindergarten (4 year-old preschool) orientation. Her teacher is going to be great...although nobody is as awesome as Miss Fidge...and the class is 8 other 4-year-old girls and 1 boy (they only take 10 kids), so she will be in heaven! The other parents were so nice and I am excited to get to know them! The kids were a little unruly which was a little stressful for me...running around in the gym and when we went outside and Brynn was talking when the teacher was giving us the rundown on how things will go, so we had a talk afterward on the way to grab lunch about how to act when your teacher is talking. ;)

After eating a quick bite in the car while I fed Ellie in the front seat, we headed in to "New family orientation"...basically a presentation by the principal about how things run at the school for families who are new to the school/area. I was excited for it because there really is a lot to learn as a parent when you are taking your kids to a new school. We were 30 minutes early because I had the wrong time in my brain so we went out to the playground while we waited (as suggested by the principal who was in the room preparing). We eventually made our way back in, found a seat, introduced our family to the principal and told her our story, found out Morgan's teacher's name, and read some books while other families made their way in. By the time the principal started it was well into Brynn's naptime and she was being cranky. She wanted to get up, she wanted to get down, she wanted me to read a book, she wanted to tell me about things in the book, she wanted to get a different book. All of this would probably have been fine, but she doesn't know how to whisper (despite my efforts to teach her) and she rebels by raising the volume of her voice when you say "no" to her, so she was being kind of loud. Ellie was almost asleep, so I was rocking her in her car seat to get her to sleep and trying to keep Brynn's volume down, but about halfway into the presentation, the principal stopped, came over to our table and said (not quietly), "I think it would be better if you took the kids out to the playground and I will fill you in all this information later". I was mortified. So, I tried to shuffle the 3 kids out as quietly as possible without bursting into tears while toting Ellie in her car seat, a huge bag filled with Morgan's school supplies, and my purse through a library so full of people it was standing room only. It took us a good 5-10 minutes just to get out of the room. I have never been so mortified in my life (and I have had a lot of blonde moments in my life, so that is saying a lot).

We got out the door and I was debating leaving and never coming back or actually going to the stupid playground...again, when the sweetest 6th grade teacher came and pretty much told me she was taking Chloe and Brynn to her classroom and that Morgan and Ellie and I should go back in so we could hear all of the information. I tried to refuse, but she already had the girls on their way up the stairs. Walking back in the room was equally awful, but Morgan and Ellie were quiet the whole time so we attracted as little attention as possible. Then we toured the school and I couldn't find the room where the girls were, so I had to ask other teachers if they knew where "a 6th grade teacher who took my little girls to her room during the orientation" was. "Oh, that was you?" they asked (very sympathetically and seeming embarrassed that the principal did that to me), but it still made me feel worse. Yep...I am the crappy mother with unruly kids. But, did I mention that we moved here 3 weeks ago? How about the fact that I know a total of 2 people here and my kids are nervous about making friends? Or what about the fact that all 6 of us are living in a 3 bedroom apartment with no yard to run around in and no space to ourselves? Maybe I forgot to mention that we are moving AGAIN in 7 days or that I commuted 20 minutes to get here and spent my whole day going to these orientations to try and be involved in my childrens' education?

As if that wasn't bad enough, the horror continued as I had to walk through the halls where everyone recognized me as "that poor mom" to get to Morgan's class. Things were much better in his classroom. Brynn was having a complete meltdown and was throwing a fit that she didn't have a desk or cubby to organize (or a bed and a blankie to take a dang nap), but once we got her some paper and crayons, calmed down. Morgan had taken one shoe and his colored pencils out of his school supply bag, so we were missing stuff that needed to be organized, but his teacher was great about it. She was so so sweet and kind and FUN! I am excited for him. One of the wonderfully sweet parents from Chloe's class had a 1st grade boy in Morgan's class too, so we were excited to see some familiar faces! Morgan felt much better too, once his new class was no longer "unknown". So, overall, I think school is going to be great here as long as don't have to deal with the principal ever much. And I can honestly say that in 2 years of preschool, 13 of grade school and 4 of college, I have never been so excited to get out of school as I was today.


*disclaimer: I, in no way, mean to suggest that my kids' behavior was acceptable today or any time I have taken them out in public in the recent weeks. Each of them are trying to adjust to new surroundings, not sleeping, having a change in diet and eating schedules, are completely off of a schedule and are acting out as a result. Unfortunately, I am also not well rested and my patience is pretty much shot, so my follow-through has been lackadaisical at best. I feel that settling down in a more permanent place will be a turning point for us, but in the meantime I am trying to do what I can to get them back to a more regular schedule. I would LOVE any suggestions you have for dealing with volatile personalities (Brynn), helping kids adjust to a move, getting back on a schedule or things you do to keep kids quiet. :)

apartment living is NOT for us

Well, it is about time for an update on here, wouldn't you say?

We loaded the truck.
It took weeks of packing a few boxes a day and days of packing boxes nonstop, but in a few short hours on a Saturday morning, all of our belongings were loaded into 14 feet of a moving truck. We so appreciated family and friends who lent their muscles, kid watching skills, packing strategy and time to help us get everything packed! We used ABF U-Pack and I was so happy with our experience: they dropped off the truck, we loaded it, they drove it and dropped it off at our new apartment, we unloaded it and they picked it back up. It was not much more than it would have cost us to rent a truck that we would have had to drive and less than half of what a full service move would have cost. I think we will use them again for future long distance moves. It was weird and a little unsettling to see our house so empty. Memories of bringing home babies and puppies, home improvement projects, gardening, parties, holidays, tea parties and family home evenings, movie nights, first days of school, graduation days, heartache, trials and so many blessings just flooded over us as we sat in the only real "home" our family has ever known and the reality of leaving it behind sunk in. I had no idea just how hard it would be to say goodbye to our little house!

We stayed at Grandma's.
After our truck left, we stayed at my Mom's house for a few days before we actually made the drive ourselves. Luckily those days and nights were so filled with activities, that I didn't really have time to think about the reality of what was happening. Last chance playdates and dinners and visits followed by tucking kids in bed and leaving them with Grandma while we went back to the house to finish packing the stuff that would be going with us in our cars, organize the remaining garage sale items, touch up paint and do some deep cleaning. Again, I was clueless about how much work would be involved in getting all the "last minute" stuff done. During that time of cleaning, we also realized that our house had quite a bit more square footage than we had thought. We were thrilled to be able to adjust it on our listing, but frustrated that we hadn't realized it sooner. Seth left on Thursday morning and again a flood of tender emotions swept over me as we said our last family prayer in our own home. I am still overwhelmed as I look back on all the blessings we received during our time in that house. At times I was frustrated with where we were...such a little space and the quirks of living in an older house...but looking back, I can see how it was all for our good. We were especially blessed to know the people we met there and I can't imagine my life without our "Springview" friends. I am not sure I will ever forget the feeling of backing out of my driveway for the very last time...

We drove.
Friday morning at 6:30, my mom and I loaded the kids into the car and started a very long day of driving. I am a terrible long distance driver, but I am trying to get better at it since I will be logging many miles between Utah and Oregon in the next few years, so I tried to drive most of the way to see how I would do. The kids did great...they watched movies, read books and colored and hardly complained at all. We stopped often to feed Ellie, take potty breaks and stretch our legs (about every 2 hours) so we didn't pull in to our apartment building until after dark (by that point I had completely lost track of what time it was). With exhaustion and anticipation, we stepped inside this temporary home we had leased sight-unseen and I just wanted to burst into tears. The pictures did not accurately represent the apartment, it smelled funny, there was no air conditioning and 1100 square feet was smaller than I had imagined. I felt so out of place. This certainly didn't feel like home. My mom and Seth reassured me that it would all be ok and that it was only temporary. Seth had gotten our mattresses out of the truck, so despite our disappointment, we decided to just get some rest (and look for a new place to live in the morning - ha ha).

We woke up, but it was still a nightmare.
We had been trying to reach our new elders quorum to get some help unloading our truck for about 2 weeks before the move, but got no response from them. So Saturday morning I called professional movers to see if we could get unloading help, but nobody could be there same day. I had a move in shopping list prepared, so since we didn't have unloading help, we decided to head out and get that taken care of first. The first happy moment since arriving in Oregon was when I realized that Target and Costco were right next to each other and only 5 minutes from the apartment. :) We brought home our food and packed it in the fridge only to find that the fridge wasn't working. Great. So we filled a cooler with ice and put our milk and cheese and lunchmeat and a few drinks in there to keep cold until maintenance finally came on Monday. We discovered water damage above the water heater and also let maintenance know about that, but they did not respond until water started dripping through our ceiling on Monday morning. Turns out they had to replace the water heater/floor in the apartment above us and told us it needed to dry before they could replace our ceiling...it is still not done.

We went to church.
We went to church at 9 am...but it was the wrong ward. We were semi-happy that it was the wrong ward, though, because not a single person said a word to us. Morgan was almost in tears during sacrament meeting because he felt so worried and nervous about going to class on his own and meeting new people. "I want to go back to our apartment," he kept saying. It broke my heart and brought me to tears to see him so anxious and unsettled. We all felt very out of place and left after sacrament meeting. We went to our actual ward for classes. Our actual ward was so nice and felt much more like home. The kids were excited to have lots of people in their primary classes and Brynn won the nursery leaders over in approximately 15 seconds! Morgan got gum in his class and felt much better about life. Between church #1 and church #2 the elders quorum got back to us about helping us move in and scheduled to come the next day.

Seth started his job, hated his commute and we unpacked.
We had lots of guys from the elders quorum show up Monday night to unload the truck and spent the whole day Tuesday unpacking. With my mom's help, we were pretty close to unpacked (strategically unpacking only the necessary items and saving all the good boxes for the next move) by Wednesday morning.

We got the stomach flu.
In honor of being almost unpacked, grandma leaving for home that night, and knowing nobody, Chloe and Brynn got the stomach flu Wednesday morning.

I did laundry.

We took Grandma Becky to the airport Wednesday night (my thoughts on that in the previous post) and then we were all alone.
I cried, I was impatient with the kids, I did more laundry, I comforted little girls who were throwing up. A few interested buyers came back through our house, but none made an offer. I missed my friends, I missed my family, I felt sorry for myself, I wondered why me. I wanted to move home, I wondered what in the world we were thinking moving here, and my faith in our decision wavered. I wondered if we had made the wrong choice and misinterpreted the promptings of the spirit. Life felt hopeless. I am an optimist, so these thoughts were foreign to me. While I have encountered trials, I have always been able to see the silver lining or have hope that things would get better. But this was supposed to be the silver lining time. This was supposed to be the light at the end of the tunnel. And here I was wishing for those hard years back. I have never felt quite so hopeless before. And even surrounded by my sweet little children and husband, I felt very alone.

Something changed.
Saturday morning, the sun was shining when I woke up, but I woke up crying, missing the big beautiful windows in my master bedroom that would have filled my room with sunshine on a morning like this. But at some point something changed. I decided that this wasn't who I was or how I wanted to take on this trial. And somewhere in there, I had the thought that we should just plan on the worst case scenario and go from there. So we started to look for a better rental that we could afford if we didn't sell our house. And when we couldn't find something that we could make work for at least a year, we started to explore other options. We decided to rent our house to Seth's brother, and find a long-term rental. I scoured craigslist, emailed, called and viewed dozens of properties. We found one that we thought would work and applied only to find out that someone else had applied just before us. Again things weren't looking good, but it didn't seem hopeless.

We got an offer on our house.
Late Friday night as I was scouring craigslist for the umpteenth time looking for any rentals that I might have missed and calling on ones I had skipped over on first sight because they didn't look very cute, we got word that we had received an offer on our home! We had to counter, but are now under contract and hoping that everything will go smoothly. The next morning, we went through a house that I had originally skipped over because it didn't look very cute on the inside and I remember feeling like this was the house the minute I walked in the door, even though the inside was outdated and needed a bit of work. We went through one other home that morning that was absolutely gorgeous inside, but even though it was like a dream home for me, I felt so strongly that the other home was "the one", so we called and told them we would move in September 9.

We are moving...again.
This time feels less terrible, though. Morgan will start school at the new school (they start after Labor day here). We have movers lined up to do the whole move. We have the new house planned out for furniture placement already. We will attend the new ward this Sunday. It will cut Seth's commute in half and he may even be able to ride his bike some days. The neighborhood is darling and filled with young kids. The yard is fenced and the house is big enough for us to live comfortably. But most importantly, we have plenty of space to host any of you when you vacation to the pacific northwest (and I mean that very seriously)!

Mom

Today is my Mom's birthday, and since I am not there to spend the evening singing happy birthday, eating ice cream cake or watching the opening of presents, a blog tribute is the next best thing. Wednesday was the saddest day of my life. After 6 days of my mom staying at my house, helping me unpack, running to the store, playing with the kids, rocking a crying baby, giving hugs to a very worried little boy, giving baths to kids who had been throwing up and assuring me that even though my world seemed to be completely falling apart everything was going to be ok (more on that story to come); I had to drive to the airport and leave my very best friend there at the curb to catch a flight back home. I cried the whole way home (this isn't sounding much like a birthday tribute, is it? Don't worry it's coming).

The thing is, my mom is my best friend. I love meeting her for lunch and chatting with her on the phone. I love taking her shopping with us and getting her opinion on decorations for the house or outfits we should wear for pictures. I love sitting in the big cushy chair in her office and chatting with her. I love that she makes a big deal of holidays and birthdays. I love Sunday dinners and the way she makes them care free for me by doing all the work so I can have a break and making it seem like no big deal. I love how much my babies love their Grandma Becky, how they ask me 10 times a day if we can go play at Grandma Becky's house, and how they never want to leave once we are there. I love that no matter what I need, I can call my mom and she will do everything she can to help...even if that means picking something up for me at Costco on a Saturday! Frankly, I am not sure how I am going to live without my mom close by. Sure I can handle the day to day stuff on my own, and I am certain I will make friends who will help me out in a pinch, but there is just no way to replace a mom and a best friend.

Happy Birthday Mom! Thanks for being amazing in every way: for your example, for your support, for your listening ear, for your style (and for passing along all of your adorable clothes when you get sick of them - truly, if you see me wearing something cute it is probably from my mom's closet), for being super-grandma, for establishing treat bags so that my car can be littered with zip-loc baggies and melted m&ms (oh how I will miss cleaning those up!), for the way you love everyone, for your testimony of the gospel, for your integrity, for your love of sports...even baseball, for being involved in my life (yes, even for locking me in the car with my high school boyfriend until we worked out whatever petty thing we were in a fight about), for your commitment to all things exercise (even though I think you are crazy...it is still inspiring), for working hard and teaching me to do the same, and for so many other things I couldn't list them all! I hope I can be the kind of mother to my kids that you have been to me. Hope your day was wonderful and that you come and visit us again soon! Love you!

life is happening

I am slacking on the blogging end of things because life is too busy happening! I haven't uploaded pics from my CF cards in weeks (though I better get crackin' because I am down to my last empty card and I have sessions coming up!), so this is an un-illustrated post of all the stuff going on around here...

- We have somewhere to live when we pack all of our belongings into a truck and drive to Portland in less than 3 weeks. It is a teeny tiny 3 bedroom apartment (for the 6 of us + dog), but at least it is a place to call home for a few months until our house here sells.

- Seth is officially licensed in both Utah and Oregon...what a (expensive) process licensure is!

- Our garage is filled with boxes! Because Seth will work right up until the move, I am trying to go slow and steady with the packing. I pack about 5 boxes a day. It is amazing how many boxes are packed already and how much stuff we have in this tiny house of ours.

- Speaking of houses...if you know anyone who wants a cute little house with a great garage and a cozy yard in a very convenient location with amazing neighbors and an incredible ward, please send them our way! ;) This is our only loose end and some days it causes me significant stress, but for the most part I feel like it is just going to work out. I don't know how, but I know that we are doing what we should be doing and that Heavenly Father has a plan for our little family and it will all work itself out.

- I am already living out of a suitcase. We have sold/are selling a lot of our stuff before the move and one of those items is an armoire which I was using as a dresser. I am excited to have a dresser again soon!

- I break into tears pretty frequently as I drive past all the places that hold so many sweet memories for me. I am already sad in anticipation of missing meeting my mom for lunch in the middle of the week, going for walks with the Family at Sugarhouse park, meeting up with our playgroup friends in the ward parking lot to let the kids ride bikes, chatting with all of the older ladies in my ward that I have grown to love so dearly, Sunday dinners with the Fam, Pioneer Day celebrations, taking the kids to the playground at the school, driving to see the fall leaves in the canyon, the Children's Museum, cousins playgroup, girls night out with my wonderful neighborhood friends, hearing the kids yell "Hi Dad" every time we pass his work (which is quite often during the day since it is so close...I'll miss that too), and the list could go on forever! I have a feeling it is just going to get worse so don't be surprised if you are talking to me and I get a little misty-eyed mid-conversation!

- My baby brother has almost completed his time at the Preston, England MTC. He goes out to his first area in Birmingham a week from today! We miss him so much (especially on Sundays!) but he is happy and learning so much and we are so proud of him! (I have lots of pictures to share from before he left and I WILL get around to posting them!)

- Ellie has reflux...just like all of her siblings. She does so much better on Prevacid, but she is still the fussiest of our babies. I often wonder if it is my mental state that makes me think that or if she is actually just a little fuss-pants, but I think it is the latter. Regardless we love showering her with kisses and snuggles and squeezing her abundant rolls. I don't know how Brynn escaped the Michelin-Man baby syndrome, but she was lucky. Ellie is taking after Chloe and Morgan in that regard and I am fairly certain she will be in 6 mo. clothes any day now. Her 2 month appointment is coming up next week and I am very interested to see where she tips the scale.

-Ellie loves to smile and scoot. She scoots herself across her crib (she sleeps on her tummy because she is so uncomfortable on her back) and smiles a lot for Grandma Becky, Morgan, Daddy and Mom. She would probably smile at the girls too if they weren't always smothering her with kisses.

- Despite her crankiness during the day, Ellie has become a great sleeper. She has been sleeping about 7 hours straight at night and then goes right back to sleep for another 2. If I would go to bed when she does instead of cleaning the house and packing boxes after she goes to bed, I would probably be a well-rested mama.

- We got some summer workbooks for the kids and try to get them out a few times a week (I know you are supposed to have them work on them every day, but I think it is a miracle they are coming out at all). The kids love them! Morgan is such a little smarty pants that he whips through pages and pages on his own while I work with Chloe. He loves to read books to himself and to the girls when I am busy with Ellie. Chloe's preschool teachers last year told me that she was average for what they should know after 3 year old preschool (other than her vocabulary and speech which were very advanced). Unfortunately, average at that level is only knowing 5-7 letters of the alphabet and counting to 10-ish. I was not impressed with her preschool experience at all but also realize that Chloe is different from Morgan and that I shouldn't compare where he was at that point to where she was. But, after working with her on the workbook one time, I was even more annoyed about the complete horror that was her first year of preschool. Her teachers were either completely clueless (which I think is likely true) or didn't really spend any time with Chloe (which I also think is true), because the girl knows the whole alphabet and is starting to sound out words! They also told me she couldn't write her name but not to worry because it isn't something that they should know in 3 year old preschool...wrong again. She can spell and write her name perfectly. Anyway...without boring you with the details, the basic gist is that I am annoyed about the awfulness of her preschool experience thus far and sad that Miss Fidge can't come teach her in Portland, but so so proud of her for learning so much in spite of it.

- Laughed my head off the other day when Chloe came in after I finally got Ellie to sleep after a crying fit and said, "Mom, I think Ellie was feeling the spirit and that is why she was crying." Ha ha ha...I love that girl!

- Smiled a great big mama smile the other day when Brynn and Chloe were sitting next to each other on the couch talking and looking at a book and Brynn leaned over, wrapped her arms around Chloe, snuggled her head on Chloe's shoulder and said, "I love you Chloe!" and then smiled even bigger when Chloe smiled and said, "I love you too." If only they could remember that when they are stealing each other's toys and pulling each other's hair. ;)

- Using a lot of applesauce and bottled peaches. If you have any amazing recipes, please share!

- Our dear friends Ben and Aania threw a going away party for us last weekend. I cannot thank them enough for the sweet send off! It was such a lovely night to let everything else go and just spend time with people we love. The kids played so hard and enjoyed themselves so much and we got to catch up with so many dear friends and family. Thank you to those who were there and thank you thank you thank you to Ben and Aania for such a special night!

Yes, life is happening. It is crazy and it is lovely and it is sweet. In the rush to pack and cancel our internet and switch our bank accounts and get renters insurance and schedule a moving van, I am trying to enjoy these last moments in this home, neighborhood and city with friends and family. I am reminded every day how wonderful this life is and how blessed we are to live it!

eat. poop. sleep.

newborn babies spend their days eating, pooping and sleeping 

(sometimes even all three simultaneously)

nursing mommies of newborns spend most of their day nursing, changing diapers and cleaning the house/doing laundry/making sure the older kids don't smother the baby while they are giving her kisses

(nope...definitely not sleeping if that's what you thought I was going to say)

older sisters of newborn babies spend their days mauling loving the baby, being naughty to get mom's attention and playing mommy...

"What are you doing Chloe?"

"I am feeding my baby mom."

Well, at least she is discreet about it, right?

whirlwind of crazy - random thoughts

Since we accepted the offer from Portland things around here have been a whirlwind of crazy. That Saturday we packed everyone up and made arrangements and Sunday (after visiting our fathers) we road tripped through the night all the way to Portland to look for houses. My sweet sweet cousin and her family let us stay with them and watched the big kids while we spent 2 full days with our realtor looking at house after house after house after house. We found plenty that we liked and a few that we loved and by Thursday we had narrowed it down to one we wanted to make an offer on. We are still in the process of the negotiation and praying (and trying to have faith) that we will get an offer on our house very soon, but it is nice to have a better idea of neighborhoods and be moving in the right direction of having somewhere to live once we get out there.

The kids are so excited about the move! Before we started our drive back to Salt Lake on Friday, I told Chloe we were going home and she asked...
"to our Utah home."
"Yes, that is the only home we have."
"But I don't want to go to our Utah home, I want to go to the 'bug house'" (the bug house is what they call the house we made an offer on. We took them with us to check out our favorites and they liked the idea of finding bugs in the forested backyard) she then added, "I do miss my grandmas though."

That is about how we all feel, I think. We are sure going to miss our family and friends (maybe we could just take you all with us?), but we are excited for more bedrooms, a playroom, a pantry, amazing schools, an amazing neighborhood/community, lots of new yummy restaurants, adventure and lots of new things to experience!


....


As of yesterday, Seth is officially back to work (he has been on paternity leave since Ellie was born). Yesterday was a rough day...we had to go to costco and target for groceries/misc. items because our fridge was empty. Me + 4 kids did not make for a fun shopping experience. There was lots of yelling, counting and time outs. Movie privileges were taken away and my stress level was off the charts. Then we got home and there was more yelling and privilege losing as the kids procrastinated cleaning their rooms until I had to just do it for them so we could leave for a showing. In the midst of all that I was dealing with counter offers and loan financing stress and just feeling overwhelmed and emotional (possibly related to post-partum hormones still running through my body and the fact that I was so busy I didn't have time to eat breakfast or lunch) and wondering how I would make it through the rest of the day, much less through a huge move. I had to make chocolate chip cookies to appease my guilty mommy conscience (and satisfy my starving tummy). I have a theory that if I make cookies on days when I feel like a sub-par mommy, maybe when my kids are older, they will look back on their childhood and remember that mommy made them cookies instead of remembering that mommy yelled a lot. Fingers crossed that my theory is correct!


...


Today was a better day. We had to run to Kohls this morning and we managed to get bathed, dressed, beds made, baby fed, toys put away and out the door without any yelling. Then Morgan picked a weed flower and gave it to Chloe as he was getting in the car, everyone was well behaved at the store, Chloe gave her flower to the cashier (which completely melted the cashier), and I fielded comments about how darling and well-behaved my children were and how wonderfully I handled so many children by myself. I chuckled to myself thinking...if only you had seen us yesterday! Then we were off to meet up with my friend and her kids for a picnic lunch at the park. The weather was perfect, there was a lovely breeze, the kids were well behaved, nobody got injured and it was fun to chat and catch up. We are happily enjoying those homemade chocolate chip cookies knowing that today they aren't making up for me being a cranky mommy, they are just a yummy treat.

Tonight my baby brother is going through the temple in preparation for leaving on his mission in a few weeks. I am excited to be there with him and to enjoy the spirit of the temple. Despite the whirlwind of crazy, I am trying to appreciate the happy little moments and countless blessings also present in our lives right now.

We are moving to Oregon!

This week has been a rollercoaster. Seth received job offers from all 3 locations he interviewed with last week. The offers from Newport, OR and Portland, OR were both great offers and our top 2 locations, so we spent the week researching the areas, pondering, praying and going back and forth between the two. Finally, we were able to come to a decision and yesterday we accepted the offer from...

Portland! 

We feel so blessed to have had options and to have this opportunity to go out on this little adventure for our family. We know that we are going where we are supposed to be and that we have had divine guidance in making this decision. It is still scary to pack up our lives and leave behind everything (and more importantly everyone) we know, but we are excited to see what Portland has in store for us!

We are especially excited to find a house with plenty of room for guests to come and stay with us...so get ready to come and visit!

Welcome to the World Ellie

 

Ellie Tate

Born June 1, 2011

4:35 pm 

8 lbs. 15 oz.

20.5 inches long

Each little life that joins our family brings something so sweet and so unique. Each one teaches me new lessons about love and challenges me in new ways. Each time I wonder if I can possibly love another little one as much as I love the ones that are already part of my family, and each time the answer is an overwhelming yes.

As I look at you, sweet Ellie, I see so much of Chloe, a little bit of Morgan and the tiniest bit of Brynn, but I know you will be uniquely you to your very core! I am excited to experience this life with you! To see you grow, to watch your personality emerge and to shower you with love and kisses. What a treat it is as a mother to look on as your Daddy looks at you with those adoring eyes. You have captured his heart already. And as your brother wants to hold you and never ever ever let you go...he is a good brother and you are so lucky to have him. Your sisters love you so much too....they brought you a special blankie and rattle today and they wrapped it around you so snugly and sweetly that it melted my heart! They are going to be your very best friends and you will be so glad you have them! 

Last night, you had a flood of visitors coming to see you! Grandma Becky, Grandma Colleen, Grandpa John, Uncle Stephen, Morgan, Chloe, Brynn, Grandma Denese, Grandpa Tate, Aunt Smelly, Uncle Stinky, Grandpa Mark, Grandma Char, Aunt Allison, Uncle Mike, and Uncle Jonathan. And every few seconds my phone would buzz with messages of love and congratulations from family and friends who were so glad you had arrived. What a fan club you have already!

Welcome to this world Ellie! You have a beautiful life ahead of you, a family who loves you to pieces and a Heavenly Father who loves you enough to send you here to us!

xoxoxo
Mommy

laboring

Well, despite my wishing and trying to get this little lady here before her induction date, she decided to be stubborn and wait it out!

My belly profile this morning before leaving for the hospital...so ready to get rid of the belly! I was scheduled to come in at 7:15 and they got me in the room and hooked up to everything by 8:00 am. I started the day at 3.5 cm dialated and 80% effaced, so I am hoping this labor will be a quick one.

As we suspected, the kids weren't even awake by the time I left, so Seth got the kids ready and met me at the hospital. Before they came, Morgan called me to see if baby sister was here yet...I think he is a little excited. They loved playing on my bed and eating my ice chips! My nurse probably did not like that they were playing on my bed and eating ice chips, however, because she had to keep adjusting the baby's heart rate monitor.



Then Grandma got here to take them to play at her house and we just got a call from Brynn letting us know that they are having fun and finding out what Seth wants for lunch. It is now 11:40 and they are going to give me my epidural and break my water pretty soon here, so things should get moving along! I will keep you posted!

P.S. Flavored ice chips are my new favorite! Yay!
P.P.S. In preparing for this baby, looking back at my posts from being in labor last time were super helpful and so interesting to me...thus the boring details and TMI. :)

Las Begas

My kids think that "Las Begas" (as Brynn says it) is the coolest place on earth. I can't say that I concur, but I think it is so wonderful that they had so much fun on our little family vacation! I think their love of Las Vegas has a lot to do with the grandeur of everything. Even Brynn was talking about the princess castle (the Excalibur) and the water (the Bellagio) and the M&M's (the M&M factory) and the sinking pirate ship (The pirate show at Treasure Island...p.s. that is not really a kid friendly show, unless you want your kids to be interested in pole dancing) for days after we got home. But I really think it was mostly due to this...

Fun hotel + Amazing Beach Entry Pool + warm sunshine + time with Daddy =

HAPPY KIDDOS

It was truly magical to spend so much time together playing, even if I did look like a beached whale in my maternity swimsuit. I was a major camera slacker since Seth was in his conference most of the days and I was on my own with the kids, but I do have a few more pictures. Hopefully I will get around to editing/posting them soon!

divas...room for one more?

My girls are divas.

I had Chloe get dressed in a long sleeved shirt and jeans today and she came out of her room fully accessorized...it was raining buckets, but I guess it was still too bright inside.

And yesterday, Brynn was playing outside with the big kids while I made dinner. They snuck popsicles (thus the chocolate face) and then she decided to pick my flowers. Chloe came in to tattle notify me of the misdeed and Brynn picked another plant out of the ground just to be a stinker. So I made her take a time out. She rubbed the fake tears out of her eyes, pouted her lip just so, and looked at me, just to make sure I had noticed the signs that she wasn't happy about it.

I am 38 weeks. 6 days ago, I was dialated to a 2 1/2, partially effaced and the peanut had aready dropped (less heartburn, more potty trips, still no room for air in my lungs). The next day I lost my mucous plug (sorry for the TMI). I have been awoken at 4 am to time contractions 2 minutes apart for 40 minutes and then stood up to go gather my things and the contractions went away. I have taken LONG walks, pushing Brynn in the stroller, up steep hills...nothing. I have done squats repeatedly...nothing (but sore leg muscles). I have taken all the kids to Costco twice in one week...nothing but sporadic contractions. I have cleaned the house...and cleaned the house again...and vacuumed...and picked up toys...and done dishes...nothing...not even a clean house.

Despite my Doctor thinking I probably wouldn't make it to my next appointment (which is tomorrow), this baby girl is proving to have a mind of her own...sounds like she takes after her big sisters. Is there really enough room in this house for one more DIVA?

and they all lived happily ever after

This week marked graduation and the first week back to Seth's normal work schedule (3 - 12 hour shifts and 4 days off - heaven). He worked Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and we had him home Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

In essence, I have had a perma-grin on my face since Thursday and a whole lot of mental reality checks wondering if I am dreaming. So many pieces of the puzzle are still working themselves out: house still for sale, interviews still happening, waiting for the word about whether I get to join Seth at his conference, etc. BUT the only thing that really matters to us right now is time. Much needed time together as a family. Time to play and work and dream together. We have been filling our days with fun and adventure...just like it should be! In four short days, we have had picnic lunches, fed the ducks, played on the slip n' slide, planted our veggie garden, weeded the flower beds, ridden bikes and roasted hot dogs on the fire pit. We have been grilling corn on the cob and watching movies, piling into our bed in the morning for snuggles, tickles, and soaking in the happiness of spending time together. We have colored with sidewalk chalk and blown bubbles and given lots of hugs and kisses.

Even though we haven't even gotten to the part about enjoying the fruits of the labor of the past few years, we are enjoying the sweeter fruits of appreciating each other more than we ever could have before. To me, happily ever after isn't a state of perfection, it is a state of love and I am so happy to be enjoying our happily ever after!

I hope that you are enjoying the sweetness of your own Happily Ever After on this beautiful Mother's Day!

sissies

With all the fighting, feistiness, drama and meltdowns these little ladies stir up around here, 

moments like this make it all worth it!

Dreaming

Seth's capstone was declared "passed" on Friday and now everything is officially complete for graduation. I am so proud of him for this huge accomplishment...I know I say that a lot, but it is true! I got to attend his final presentation and he did such an amazing job!

We have a couple of interviews coming up this week and they are with clinics that just feel like they would be a good fit for us, so every night before we go to sleep, we talk about the places that we could explore and the adventures we could have, the sights that we will be able to see and the vacations that we can't wait to plan. We talk about the future and the possibilities and we look up houses and flights and driving times to various destinations. We have talked often of our dreams, but now that school is really done, each night as we talk and smile and reason and imagine, it all becomes real. Those dreams of "when we are done with school and get a job" are just a month or so away! Sure we are both exhausted from staying up way past our bed time every night, but it is our time to dream together and it is time that I cherish. 

I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. This new adventure is scary. Leaving everything we have ever known is scary. The unknown is scary. Moving to another state with a brand new baby is scary. Selling the house we have called home for almost 7 years and raised all of our babies in is scary. Leaving familiy and dear dear friends is scary.

Yet, I am excited for the adventure! I am excited to redefine "normal" in a new place, surrounded by new people and new experiences. I am excited to take the kids on adventures and explore our new surroundings together. I am excited for days off, for vacation time and especially for having Seth home for dinner most nights! I am excited to be able to do the things that have been on our list for years! And I am excited to keep dreaming up a new list with my best friend and companion!

Whatever comes our way, we are excited to face it together!

 

photo by my friend Rachel of Beyond Bliss Photography

last day

Today is Seth's last day of clinicals! Yay for no more paying money to go to work or 6 day work weeks!

And despite the dreary rain outside, we are all doing a little happy dance! Congrats to my amazing hubby for all the hard work to get here! We couldn't be more proud of you, love!

P.S. Doctor says I probably will be able to go with Seth to do his poster presentation! Woo Hoo! This will be our first family vacation in a VERY long time and we are all so excited! Pray that it all works out for us, will ya? I had to buy a maternity swimsuit for the first time...kind of depressing when you are hugely pregnant, but enjoying the sunshine and swimming with the kiddos will be worth it, right!?

sweet moment - not forgotten

A few weeks ago we had a beautiful Sunday and the kids spent the afternoon at Grandma Becky's outside enjoying the sunshine with Uncle Stephen. As I was updating my new laptop with all of the custom settings and workspaces I had on my old laptop (which is a giant pain, by the way), I found this gem. The kids love to play with Uncle Stephen and I never have to worry a bit when they are with him. He will certainly be missed when he is off on his mission in England for 2 years!

As we are interviewing for jobs and as graduation gets closer and closer, the reality of moving away from all of our wonderful family and friends is sinking in deeper and deeper. So just like this beautiful ray of sunshine on a cold Sunday in March, we are soaking up our time with all of the people we love at every chance we get!

keenly aware

Every few months I get all sappy and post the deeper thoughts of my heart, which usually involve spiritual thoughts, and this is one of those posts. I would be lying if I told you that things have been all roses around here lately. It seems as if every time I turn around something else has gone or is going wrong. Car troubles, contractions that shouldn't be happening, ladders making giant holes in walls while we are standing on them painting over dings and scratches, Seth's approval to begin the research element of his capstone project being delayed and threatening a delayed graduation, packing, packing, painting, packing, rain and snow interfering with mini-sessions and causing me to reschedule all of them, my laptop screen going out, sick kids, 4 doctor's appointments in one week, the uncertainty of applying to jobs in cities we have never seen...and the list goes on.

Truly, looking at it all like that, you would think our lives have been one big giant mess...and in a way it kind of has! But every little glitch that comes along, we pray and hope and try to go on faith that it will all be ok, and in every single instance, an immediate blessing is poured out upon us. My testimony of prayer has been strengthened time and time again as needs are met with perfect timing when everything feels completely hopeless. The awareness that a loving Father in Heaven knows me and my family personally and knows even the simplest of our trials has been reaffirmed as caring friends and family have reached out to help or offer help. Our little family has been so blessed with feelings of love for each other and many little moments when we just beam with happiness at the chance to spend time together. And as I look at all these "trials" I see blessings, sweet sweet blessings that have made me stronger, brought me closer to the Lord and strengthened our little family so much.

Here we are with only 2 days left of clinicals, call backs for interviews at every job Seth has applied for, an extra date added for capstone presentations, a few days off next week for spring break and an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. Blessings, I tell you!

So, where do we go from here? Our house will be on the MLS later this week (I just have to take a picture of the front of the house and the kitchen - after I clean it - and send it over to our agent. The biproduct of being a photographer is wanting to take your own pics of your house). Seth is in the initial phase of phone interviews for jobs and then we will proceed from there, but there are quite a few opportunities out of state that look promising and we are getting excited for the adventure (especially because a number of the jobs pay relocation costs so hired movers will be doing all the work - love that.)  Seth will present his capstone project on April 25 and it is getting close to being finished  and ready, and graduation is coming up on May 5. On our fun date night, we picked up his cap and gown and it is certainly a fancy ensemble! Special robe, and doctorate hood, and even fun little honors society tassles...I am so proud of him for all that he has done to get here!

As part of his capstone project, Seth had to submit his project for consideration to be featured at an upcoming conference. We fully expected (and, dare I say, hoped) that it would not be accepted as it is very competitive and more work if it is accepted, but news came yesterday that his project was accepted and he needs to be there to present it...fabulous news for his resume...not so fabulous news as far as additional work, money, time and travel involved, particularly because I will be 36 weeks at the time of the conference, but a great opportunity regardless and another reason to be so proud of my wonderful husband. Then it is on to boards, pharmacy boards and state licensing in May. Little miss still-no-idea-what-we-will-name-her (suggestions?) is due June 6, but will likely be born at least a week earlier, maybe more if I keep moving furniture and lifting boxes, but Seth will be around more to prevent that, so probably just a week early. And if everything works out timing wise, we are hoping to be moved and starting a job by the end of June.

It has been a rollercoaster ride, and I am certain the ride will continue for at least a few more weeks, but I wouldn't trade it. I am so grateful for the support of friends and family and especially for the help from heaven! And, I promise to post some pictures when my new laptop arrives and I get it all set up, until then words will have to do! :)

What a month

March is almost over and what a month it has been! When I posted the adorable picture of my little girlies, Brynn had just gotten over the stomach flu. Luckily, the worst of it was during the 2 days that Seth was home because he was in between clinical-rotations. But the day after our photo shoot, she got a cough. The next day the cough turned a little wheezy and it was keeping her up at night and during her naps. The next day was a Saturday. She woke up with a slight fever, so Seth gave her motrin before heading off to work. She perked up and seemed to be doing better and Morgan had a busy day of birthday parties, so I loaded everyone in the car and we ran errands in between all the picking up and dropping off at birthday parties.

By the time we picked Morgan up from the last party, Brynn was burning up, coughing like crazy and didn't want to do anything but have me hold her little body close to mine. I called Seth at work and we decided it would be best to take her into an Urgent Care. The Urgent Care doctor suggested I take her up to the Primary Children's Hospital ER immediately where they would most likely admit her and keep her overnight because it was very likely that she had RSV.

None of my kids have ever had to go to the ER and the stress of the day, combined with my pregnant hormones, and feeling completely overwhelmed at the thought of doing it all alone, I completely broke down and burst into tears. My sweet mother-in-law was happy to take the older kids and endure my breakdown on the phone, so I dropped Morgan and Chloe off there and headed up to the hospital with little miss Brynn. Seth called when I was almost to the parking lot to let me know he was able to get off of his shift early and that he was heading up to the hospital. I could not have been more thankful for my sweet husband at that moment, who knew that I really needed his support even though I hadn't told him or subjected him to my sobbing breakdown. There was no wait in the ER, so they took us right back and checked her. She was such a trooper. She did everything they asked her to do and smiled and told everyone thank you and waved goodbye any time someone left the room. After Seth got there, they did an RSV swab and she completely freaked out. Unfortunately, that was followed by an albuterol treatment and it took me, Seth and the respiratory therapist to keep the mask on her. She is definitely a determined little thing. It completely wore her out, though and she fell asleep on Seth after she calmed down.

They took a chest x-ray and found that she possibly had pneumonia as well, and her RSV swab came back positive. She was happily drinking the gatorade juice box they gave her, her fever had normalized and she was so cheerful that they decided to start her on a 2 day sterroid treatment and send us home with albuterol treatments. On the way home from the hospital she was loopy from the sterroid...she pointed to every random thing she saw and said, "Look Mom, a _______" (window, rain drop, house, car, etc. etc.). It was kind of hilarious, because I have never seen her like that before.

She slept well Saturday night and Sunday morning she woke up with energy, a low fever which was easily managed with Motrin, and drinking and eating whatever we gave her. But, within 2 hours of giving her the morning albuterol treatment, she was struggling to breathe so much that you could see her little rib cage every time she took a breath and seeming like she needed another treatment. I called the hospital to see if I could just give the treatments closer together, and they told me that I needed to wait the full 4 hours and if she was consistently needing them more frequently to bring her back to the ER. Throughout the day, she continued to get worse. We had my little brothers over for dinner, and Brynn took a short nap after we went for a walk to the playground, but woke up pale and clammy and struggling so hard to breathe that she was exhausted. After giving her the 2nd sterroid dose for the day and seeing no improvement, we decided it would be best to take her back in.

This time I took her blankie and sippy cup, just in case we ended up staying so she had some comfort objects in the waiting room because they were much busier that night. After we got her into a room, the Dr. told me right away that I should plan on staying for the night because the home treatment was just not enough for her. They gave her a triple dose albuterol treatment which she fought and fought (it was more than 20 minutes long, so both she and I were exhausted by the end), and took some blood tests and started her on an IV to get her hydrated.

She was such a good sport...she didn't try to pull at her IV and she left her vitals monitor on and she didn't even fuss when they took her blood pressure. Once I knew we were going to be admitted, Seth's brother came to hang out at our house and Seth came up to the hospital with sweats for me and some books and treats for Brynn. They finally admitted us to the Rapid Care Unit and once we were settled Seth headed home to sleep so he could get the kids off to school in the morning. I "slept" with Brynn in her hospital bed  for 2 hours at a time (hello - I am not ready for a newborn!) in between giving her albuterol treatments, forcing (literally...she tried to spit it out every time) medicine down her throat and feeling extremely uncomfortable in my big and pregnant state. They had to do the albuterol treatments about every 2 hours and ended up placing her on oxygen because she kept dipping so low when she was sleeping.

The next morning she was feeling cheery and energetic again, but still had to be on the oxygen. The doctor said we could reevaluate that night and see how she was doing, but that we would most likely be spending another night in the hospital. We colored and read books and watched movies and ordered "room service".

She was not allowed to leave her room because she was considered high risk, but she was so good about staying in the bed and keeping occupied with stationary activities. After Seth picked the kids up from school, he brought them to visit and have a picnic lunch and to trade shifts. She was so excited to see her siblings! They had to bring us an extender for her oxygen because she just wanted to run around her room and dance and play with them! Morgan and Chloe thought the hospital looked like fun...toy areas (which Brynn couldn't go to), a moving bed, movies, room service smoothies...I had to bring them back to reality by talking about shots and medicine and being stuck in your room, but they still would like their turn to be in the hospital. I, however, would prefer their turns never come. :) They masked Brynn and took her for another chest x-ray to see if there had been any change with the possible pneumonia.

By the time she got back, the big kids were stir crazy, so I shuffled them out of there and took them home.

After dinner, my brother came to put the kids to bed so I could go back up to the hospital and take overnight stuff for Seth. Because Brynn's x-ray came back showing improvement, they called our pediatrician and decided to give us the option of taking her home on oxygen. Since Seth had already missed a day of clinicals and we felt comfortable with the oxygen and the big kids were really needing to regain some stability of having their parents home, we decided to do it. We didn't get home until about 11:30 pm, but it was so nice to sleep in our own bed and Brynn slept like a rock! In the morning we took her to see our pediatrician for a follow-up and she was doing great!

We were able to take her off the oxygen during the day and only have her use it at night and during naps. Within a few days, we were able to eliminate the oxygen altogether. She is doing perfectly now and we are so happy to have our happy, healthy little lady back!

In the midst of it all, we had to start packing our stuff into storage because our new carpet was installed the week Brynn came home from the hospital and my baby brother got his mission call (details about his call and a photo here), and we had all of our family over for Chloe's Birthday (a little early so Michael and Sarah could come while they were in town...I took very few pictures, but she felt so loved and adored so thank you to all of our family who spoiled her to pieces with love and presents). So, it has been truly crazy at our house! But, we have been so blessed with many many willing hands to watch our kids, move furniture between rooms, disassemble furniture, provide us with moving boxes, pick up the kids from school, dinners and offers to bring dinner and many notes and calls of concern and prayers in our behalf. I am certain that we have the most wonderful family and friends and ward you could ask for. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you!!!

Most of all, it was a sweet experience to spend uninterrupted one-on-one time with Brynn. As the third child with a Daddy working and in school and a pregnant Mommy juggling 24/7 motherhood and dabbling in a photography business, it isn't often that I can spend hours snuggling Brynn with no interruptions. I loved snuggling her close to me all night and giggling with her and reading books with her and listening to her tell me all about things. I loved seeing her be polite and obedient and adorable with the hospital staff. I loved discovering how much she LOVES stickers and convincing her that the medicine wasn't so bad if we turned the process into a tea party (the nurses laughed when we had our medicine tea party complete with pinkies up and English accents, but it worked). I was surprised to discover just how OCD Brynn is. I knew she sucked her thumb and liked to snuggle a soft blankie against her face, but I had no idea that she had to bite the blankie first and that there was a very proper order to the timing of the blankie bite, thumb suck, and face rub. I also didn't realize that she would repeat the process until it was done to her liking. She is one who knows what she wants and oh.how.she.wants.to.do.it.herself. Spending that one on one time with her really clued me in to how I can better match my parenting to her personality. Maybe the other kids do need their turn in the hospital...or maybe just some one-on-one mommy dates. :) I think that even the most elaborate mommy dates would be much cheaper than our portion of the hospital stay.

sisters

I love these two and their little sisterly bond! They LOVE to give kisses!

Also love the sunshine we enjoyed at the park today...
it was so lovely that we went back after rest time to soak up a little more!

Many more pictures to come from our sunshine-soaking day, 

but I just couldn't resist sharing this one before I head off to bed!

remember...

I am a super slacker to post this stuff without pictures, but I know by the time I take the pictures and remember to post them, I will already have forgotten. So, I give you a bunch of random stuff I want to remember:

- I did Chloe's hair in big wavy curls today with a cute little fabric flower bow. She looked way too grown up. Every time I thought to take a picture she had chocolate ice cream or yogurt or macaroni and cheese on her face, so I didn't, and I am not sure I am ready to recreate it because I don't think I can handle another day of her looking so grown up. She was absolutely beautiful, though, and she knew it. All day she walked around telling everyone that she had pretty curly hair that her mommy gave her. It made my day that she was so happy about something I did for her.

- Brynn sucks her thumb. Not only that, but she loves stuffed animals. She loves to suck the noses of her stuffed animals. Every.single.time she picks up a stuffed animal (even off the shelves at the store if I don't catch her fast enough) she immediately opens her mouth and inserts the nose of the stuffed animal in it. You can tell her favorite stuffed animals by the wear on their noses. And, while it kind of drives me crazy, it is a sweet reminder that she is my baby and I know I will miss it when she gets big enough to stop.

- Morgan is reading like a champ! I love finding him sitting with a book and hearing him sounding out the words to himself, just because, or writing random lists of things and stories. I can take absolutely no credit for his active little brain and love of learning, because I don't do nearly as much as I should with him at home, but I love how much he loves learning. (I guess I can take credit for choosing the perfect school for his needs and driving him there every morning...that's a contribution, right?)

- I am 26 weeks along. That means I am entering my 3rd trimester...ummm, that happened REALLY fast! I saw the picture I posted a few weeks ago and coveted my own body. I am getting bigger every second, it seems, and all the wonderful stuff that accompanies the "huge" stage are appearing/continuing: daily heartburn, sciatic nerve pain, lack of breath, tossing and turning at night because I can't get comfortable, constant need to pee, fatigue and expansion of my legs, hips and bum. I keep reminding myself that I will eventually get back to my skinny body that can roll around on the floor and carry kids around and stand up without pain and something to hold onto, but it takes a lot of reassuring for my vanity to believe it.

- They are coming to measure for carpet this week. I can hardly believe we are this close, but I am so excited! We looked at carpet until I couldn't even tell the difference between the colors anymore (or maybe I just got so sick of it that I didn't care?), but I am excited to leave the next homeowners with something much better that what we have lived with for the past 6 1/2 years. All that is left is paint touch up inside, paint touch up outside, packing lots of stuff into a storage pod and some deep cleaning and we will be listing!

- Seth finished his rotations at the U of U ER. It was a really long 8 weeks of 7 days a week most weeks. The shifts were always longer than planned and it was extremely taxing on our family, but the next (and final) rotation is office hours 3 days a week, so he will only work 6 shifts a week (3 8 hour clinicals, and 3 12 hour work shifts). Crazy to think that I am excited about that being a "break", but oh...I am excited for the break!

- I cleaned out my fabric stash and now have a couple of large cuts of fabric that I would like to sell and some smaller cuts that I need to donate somewhere. Anyone know where to sell or donate fabric? Also...why do I buy so much fabric? must.stop.doing.that!

- I thought we had come to terms with forgoing loan repayment and staying in Salt Lake (because I really would prefer to just stay here and not venture into the scary unknown). But, in the best interest of our family and getting out of student debt sooner than later, I have been persuaded to consider out-of-state opportunities (Seth is very happy about this!). While it is still scary, I am growing fond of the idea of a new adventure for a few years. We will begin applying to positions this week. It will be nice to have some kind of plan and direction instead of being in complete limbo. If you have positive thoughts on moving outside of Salt Lake, please feel free to reassure me. My emotional state is like a rollercoaster and I can use all the positive energy around moving away that I can get! If you have negative thoughts...maybe it would be best not to share them right now. A few of the places we are applying: Portland, Seattle, California (a couple of places), Moab and Hawaii...Hawaii is a very long shot logistically, but we will apply and see what happens, and if we end up there, you all better come and visit us!

- I still love pinterest.