knowing...

Written Friday, October 1


On Monday I felt like death. My body was heavy. I couldn't lift my arms or stand up for longer than 15 minutes at a time. Awful.



Still feeling like I'd been hit by a train, and per Seth's suggestion, I took a pregnancy test Tuesday morning. Negative. Ruling that out, I figured Tuesday would get better, but it didn't...we had playgroup, so I rallied the kids into the car, loaded the bikes and couldn't get my chair out fast enough to sit down and watch them ride around the church parking lot with their buddies (in the scorching heat of...late-September, really?). We survived, came home to crock pot dinner and I couldn't get the kids into bed fast enough because I was exhausted.



Thinking I had slept it off, Wednesday met me with hope. Seth was home until lunch time and took both kids to school (and picked them up). I got lots of work done, but still felt icky...and like I really wanted Little Ceasars Pizza...but Seth made lunch instead. Then Seth headed off to school and I literally could not keep my eyes open and fell asleep in the middle of editing a session (which is completely unheard of, by the way, because I get usually get so excited about the images I can't tear myself away from the screen). So I slept...a good solid hour or so...and when I woke up, I knew. Luckily those pregnancy tests come in a double pack. So I took another test...again, it looked negative...what in the world...and then Seth came in the door from school, and a faint line started to appear...and then that line got darker and darker and by the time he had said hello to the kids and came to say hi to me, it was official... baby #4 was on the way (and I was feeling much better about the fact that I had felt like a total bum all week)! So we celebrated with Little Caesar's Pizza and breadsticks and movie night in the middle of the week.

So yesterday marked 7 weeks and I feel plain old awful. Apparently I really did forget how horrible pregnancy is (I didn't think that was possible...I am certain I didn't forget the other times). Morgan has been a complete champ (and the only way I have been surviving). Yesterday he made lunch (toast and string cheese), fed the girls, helped everyone get into their beds and covered my very sick and exhausted lump of a body with a blanket after I collapsed on the couch. When I was able to function again, I gave him a hug to tell him thank you and how wonderful he is and realized that he was burning with a fever - 102 degrees. Seriously, the kid is amazing (and I feel like a completely delinquent mother)! After that, I made sure he got a little pampering of his own and some motrin! My sweet mom called and offered to bring dinner over...which saved us considering dinner was looking like cereal or more toast and string cheese. The kids were in bed by 6:30 pm and I was asleep by 7:00. Today has been better...mostly because I discovered that when I read the dosage instructions for my zofran perscription, I was actually looking at my folic acid perscription - turns out I can take zofran every 4-6 hours...not once a day as I thought. :)

Kind of early to be announcing this, Jen...
Right, right, I know you are supposed to wait until you are out of the "scary stage", but I have been through the miscarriage thing before, and frankly, for me, it is much harder to go through it alone. So, I have decided that I'd rather have a community of support than a private battle if anything goes wrong, but by the way I am feeling, things are looking good. Also, it is quite possible that this baby is our last, and I want to remember all these little things. Plus, pregnancy brain is already well on its way to taking over my brain, so details get very fuzzy the longer I wait to write them down.


So little baby Tate #4...your mommy and daddy and big brother and big sisters and puppy are awating your arrival! We are tracking your growth every week and looking at pictures of what you are becoming! ( as of today you are the size of a blueberry...Morgan loved finding that out). We are thinking of names - like catsup nose (thank you for that suggestion Morgan) - and hoping like crazy that you are a boy! Mostly because Morgan says if you are a girl, we will have to give Chloe away because he can only handle 2 sisters...and I think he may be right! ;) Plus, Chloe says that we got a girl baby for her (Brynn) and now we need a boy baby for Morgan! But even if you are another girl - we will still love you like crazy...and we won't really get rid of Chloe!!!! Chloe started working very hard to be able to do her own buckle as soon as we found out, so the big kids can move to the back row of the car to make room for you, and she has totally mastered it! Keep on growing, little one, and we will see you at the end of May! love love love you!

P.S. Dear friends and family - I tend to become a cranky, opinionated, know-it-all, stinker when I am pregnant. I am seriously SERIOUSLY trying to keep this in check so that I am not the world's meanest pregnant lady this time around, but please, when I say something stupid or self-centered or opinionated, do not be offended...it is just the pregnancy horromones...pregnant Jen and real Jen aren't even friends. Thanks!